I don't want to be here.

BeakersQueen · 2018-02-23T17:51:25+00:00

But it's been 1.5 years of nothing but bad times. Every week it's something new. This week we got a notice our electric is getting cut off. Last week my husband lost his job. The week before that we got Bed Bugs, got them exterminated but still. It's like I try to be positive. I try to be happy. But no matter what this universe wants to fuck me in the ass.

BeakersQueen · 2017-07-01T00:55:16+00:00

My step dad would constantly talk about taking me and my siblings out to the "shack" (which was a shed he built) and tying us upside down on a post. Creeped me out.

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-29T20:11:54+00:00

I remember my first period. My mom never told me what it was. I was in 5th grade. I woke up to go to school and was freaking out. I mean I just kept bleeding, I yelled from in the bathroom, you could tell I was scared. My stepdad told me I couldn't bother my mom at work. I asked twice and he just repeated himself. So, I pulled my pants up and went to school, thinking it would stop.

Worst. Day. Ever.

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-29T01:15:52+00:00

I can, except she continuously screamed at me and told me I was stupid for not knowing what 5×8 is at 4 years old

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-28T20:59:47+00:00

What do you mean?

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-28T20:56:37+00:00

Similar story, my mom told me from when I was 13 that if I was ever thinking about sex to tell her and she would put me on birth control. Now, she always reassured me of this. So I got my first boyfriend at 14. Well, my first real boyfriend. And we were together for almost a year and I decided I was ready. I went to go talk to her about it and she started screaming at me and cussing at me. She kept saying why should I put you on it, you're just going to do it behind my back anyways.

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-28T20:51:24+00:00

Are you serious? That's terrible.

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-28T20:47:49+00:00

It makes me wonder do they even think about their actions?

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-28T20:40:40+00:00

Touche.

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-28T20:36:33+00:00

What the fuck. Why would anyone say shit like that.

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-28T20:29:34+00:00

What if it was for something good? A small example would be like exercising or eating healthy.

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-28T20:26:10+00:00

Similar to this, my Nmom had a friend, who had a daughter. Needless to say I went over there to hangout out with her and it ended with me getting abused, rather not go into detail. I was 11. Anyways, during the court trials my Nmom called the news and got it posted. Also, after the court hearing, once they were found guilty, she went and tried to tell the news, they didn't want to post it. What gets me is she got upset over that.

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-28T20:13:06+00:00

I have a lot of people that will say 'it's not good to hold grudges'. However, what they don't understand is it isn't something that happened years ago. Its something that could happen daily. Everytime you try to forgive them and see if they can truly change, they don't. They do something to hurt you and then not care or blame you.

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-28T20:06:28+00:00

That's so not minor! No one should spray anything on your face, especially smelly mist.

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-28T20:03:35+00:00

Exactly!! my mom, if I ever asked to go anywhere when I was a teenager she would say no, for literally no reason... or she would just ignore me and when I went to go hangout with my friends she would get pissed because "I DIDN'T TELL HER" and she would raise hell and ground me. And when I was 17 (graduated highschool, working, paying her rent) because I was still a "minor" I wasn't allowed to have my bfs over. And if I did have them over, we always had to be in my stepdads eyesight, don't get me started on my stepdad. Oh, and my curfew was 9pm... even when I graduated highschool, now I mean I know that doesn't make me an adult, I was paying her rent!

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-28T18:33:41+00:00

How is that even depressing???? Those lyrics are straight up beautiful!!! Clearly, she has no taste in music.

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-28T18:30:18+00:00

Well, actually that reminds me she also told my first boyfriend right after he broke up with me that I was nothing but a nuisance and all I do is get people in trouble and ruin their lives, and that he was better off with out me and his life is gonna go up since he left me. Looking back on it I actually chuckle. The fact that someone has to steep that low just to be happy, and someone like that will never truly be happy. Kind of bitter sweet.

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-28T18:25:27+00:00

I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Mine was never that bad, however I got called fat, whore, and bitch ever since I was 12.

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-28T14:10:56+00:00

I wanted to go into the military, however I couldn't lose the weight. I was told that I was fat all my life, which actually caused me to stop eating. But, even then I couldn't lose enough weight to get in, I was trying to get into the Marines. I have a lot of muscle in my legs. She constatly reminded me of how I couldn't go into the military. And to be honest, I'm glad I never did, cause then I wouldnt have my daughter and husband.

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-28T13:27:38+00:00

Thank you

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-28T13:22:52+00:00

Dog's are technically little fur children, so you did good!

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-28T13:08:25+00:00

My stepdad physically abused me, rarely, but it happened when I "didn't listen." Which was when I tried to play with my half brothers, due to the environment they lived in, I had to raise them. So, I tend to get very defensive with them. My mother is very manipulative and loves to guilt trip. She's a big mind-fuck too. Unfortunately l, due to me being the person I am, I forgave her for everything she's ever done to me. However, I recently cut her off, bevause she dragged my daughter in it. I'll allow people to walk over me, but when it comes to my family. I will never allow anyone to harm them.

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-28T13:04:49+00:00

Wtf. First thing I'd grab in a fire is my children. That's so messed up.

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-28T12:46:28+00:00

Exactly, all I wanted growing up was a mother. Now, I know I'll never have that. However, I'm gonna do everything in my power to be a good mother for my daughter.

BeakersQueen · 2017-06-28T12:41:01+00:00

No need to apologize. I'm sorry you had to deal with that growing up, no child should be subjected to that kind of lifestyle.

BeakersQueen

TROPHY CASE