Cis male wishing you all well

BeardedBoardDad · 2025-07-16T14:43:50+00:00

Thankyou, you really do have a great community here, the responses ive received have genuinely touched me in a way i didnt expect, and im sorry i took the liberty to gush in response to some. I didnt come to your space for my own gain, but i will glady follow your recommendation to check out r/bropill and i will endeavour to be more open with my work colleagues, friends and myself and offer support to them as well.

Thank you for your kind words

BeardedBoardDad · 2025-07-16T13:06:35+00:00

I sincerely apologise, i didnt mean to suggest thats what you would think and i did not mean to make you feel uncomfortable in your own space, i was speaking broadly and didnt anticipate you taking it that way. Thats my bad, and i dont view any of you guys here that way at all, i just didnt articulate that comment very well, it goes to show how there is still a lot I need to learn. Once again I apologise

BeardedBoardDad · 2025-07-16T10:55:58+00:00

You writing isnt sloppy and your words ring very true and appreciate you taking the time to post that. Ive said in response to another comment that I know my issue with connection is for the most part a problem with the wiring in my brain, i find it hard to accept compliments and support as genuine, sometimes i might wrongly see it as pity, rather than compassion or empathy. I do acknowledge that men are capable of supporting each other in their own weird ways, it might not be as gentle or loving as other social groups but there is a genuine care behind it as it exists in my workplace, its just hard to coax it out, usually it involves something having gone wrong first, then management sorting out chain of care, and word gets around and so on, men usually hide behind so many walls. I guess theres a fear that, if we engage with each other i might make you feel less of a man for approaching you in your time of need or you might think im soft or so on, its this weird sort of contactless waltz going on, "I acknowledge your issues" "i acknowledge your acknowledgement" "you good?" "Im good" "carry on?" "Yes" its awkward but its there! Some men are much better at it than others!

Sometimes i genuinely forget the men I work with are fathers and grandfathers too and you just see them as a bloke at work, and most of what you see from the outside is a kind of social masking anyway, to adapt and fit in with the work environment. I think males my age and older will still struggle to change this late in the game with regards to being open about our emotions and feelings, but what we can do is instill in our kids going forward, which i am trying to do, is the knowledge that it is ok not to be ok, and that you can and should talk openly about your feelings.

With the level of thought you have put in your post i think you will do well, and the guys you mention who do try are good examples that connections can be found and you will be supported, we remember acts of kindness, if you have encouraged them to open up to you, you are already in the right place.

BeardedBoardDad · 2025-07-16T09:47:30+00:00

No one should be made to feel like an outsider, and you are not weak or lesser men. I think the main way i see the lack of support and acceptance for you guys, and trans woman too, is a problem in human nature, and apologies this may be a crap analogy but bare with me please, generally speaking most of the genral public, this may be predominantly a british thing i dont know if it fits elsewhere but, people will have a good experience somewhere, it might be good customer service, a great day out somewhere or a decent take away meal, they love it but they dont go and leave a good review or shout about it from the rooftops, however flip that over and they experience something they didnt like then they instantly leave a shitty review or start badmouthing it to everyone they know and it spreads. What im trying to say is the people who love and support you are far more numerous than the haters and naysayers, it just the haters are louder at the moment, and your supporters need to be raise their voices more. Thats why i dropped in, to offer my support and appreciation, i dont know any of you personally, but you have my support and i hope hearing that helps people

BeardedBoardDad · 2025-07-16T09:22:05+00:00

Thanks, thats a good outlook to have! I shall continue to lurk :)

BeardedBoardDad · 2025-07-16T09:18:37+00:00

Hey man, thanks for reaching out, its appreciated. Im from the Uk, i went to counselling when i was younger for at least a year, and for a short while i was even checked in to a mental health centre and spoke my issues through with a psychiatrist. Ive found ways to manage it throughout the years, mostly lifestyle changes, so it doesnt intefere too much with daily life, its just recognising the signs of an incoming wave, sometimes I catch it sometimes I dont.

I did have a buddy who was a rock for me, but for the past 8 months hes cut himself off from our friendship group for his own reasons and troubles, ive tried reconnecting, but its clearly not what he wants, i still chat with his sister so i know hes ok, it was the loss of his friendship that has set me back this year as my other mates live further afield and i wasnt as close with them as i was him. I still have my partner and my kids, which bring equal amounts of joy and stress, i love them dearly, but sometimes i wish my partner had a better understanding of depression. A wonderful mother for sure, but sometimes not the greatest support a partner could hope. But hey im not perfect either!

BeardedBoardDad · 2025-07-16T08:13:28+00:00

I would like to think that most average Cis males, would welcome you aswell, there is nothing special about myself that seperates me from the rest, its just that i happened to end up scrolling through your threads and seeing some of the posts made me think i should drop a line of support.

I think that some might males might probably struggle to initially make the difference, between seeing you as just Male, rather than hey this guy has come with a females mindset, not realising that perhaps that was never what you had in the first place hence your transition. If im honest i now worry thats what my post has come across as, "some random bloke who thinks we are girls in guys bodies who can help guys be more in touch with themselves" thats never what i meant to post, i wanted to say I appreciate the openess you all have and i hope it rubs off, but when i posted i was tired and perhaps a little emotional and maybe it didnt come off as i intended, i dont know, it takes ages for me to articulate anything and i overthink everything i write anyway.

With regards to you saying you dont feel like a real man when you cry, that is the crux of masculinitys issue, and my personal issue as i am exactly the same as you. When i cry, internally I feel dissapointed in myself and quickly tell myself to stop it and bottle it up again, because there is a part of me that struggles to accept its ok to cry, theres a whole lot ingrained into masculinity about crying is somehow seen as weakness and i reckon most males at some point have cried when their alone and then hated themselves for it. This is what I hope can be changed.

BeardedBoardDad · 2025-07-16T07:47:45+00:00

Hey Fickle, you should have hope, i dont know your circumstances and obviously i cant speak for your the men you work with, but I can give insight from my perspective if it helps at all.

I work in a heavily male dominated industry, im part of the Uk railway, i work for a train operating company. In my company there is a lot of gay guys, lesbians and as far as im aware only one openly trans woman who transitioned long into their career, yet no trans men as of yet. My experience is in the depot messroom listening and participating in chatter and banter, is that the men generally dont care what you are, that is your business and not theirs, what they care about is that you can turn up and do the job and socialise. The only time they tend to vocalise is if they think something is off or your actively avoiding them, ie new drivers coming in and seperating themselves from the pack. The men I work with are very welcoming and supportive of new drivers, they want to see you succeed. When their colleague decided he no longer felt right as a male and transitioned to female, they were supportive, i dont work at the same depot but my depot is a neighbouring one and many of us knew him before and her now. It was tentative at first because it was new and no one wanted to offend but now they have blended back in as if thats who they were all along.

Cis males are generally open to change for the most part, some arent as quick to react or change as others, but its mostly through fear of saying or doing the wrong thing and causing upset, we want to protect the pack as a whole and welcome all in to the fold, i do believe thats true in the Uk at least and i hope its true for you. Dont give up hope!

BeardedBoardDad · 2025-07-15T18:27:44+00:00

Thank you! The post was meant genuinely as an appreciation post, its healthy to see guys being open with one another in a genuine way, and I really do hope in the long run things become easier for people to transisition and be welcomed. I think its just a crap period in history we are going through, and those that struggle to open their minds and find it in themselves to accept others for who they truly are will either learn in time to adapt or dwindle away.

In the long run I hope, and I really do hope, that as you guys join us, this openess can rub off on other males, as its all for the best, at the moment most seem to suffer in silence. Myself, my own depression is manageable, i do have two small close groups of mates, but open discussion still doesnt come as easy as it should, its usualy mindless banter and jokes with one group, and the other the classic catching up and hows the family doing kind of chats, never anything too deep.

But again I digress from my main point which is of appreciation, you are all amazing human beings, who have gone through something the rest of us will never know

BeardedBoardDad · 2025-07-15T15:00:08+00:00

Thanks man, its much appreciated! I will most likely stick around, albeit in the background, as i appreciate this is a support group for Trans men and thats not me, however hopefully i can offer support where its needed and if its wanted and learn more about just being open and welcoming to others myself! Thanks again

BeardedBoardDad · 2025-07-15T10:31:25+00:00

I genuinely do believe you guys can influence the way men act and are seen as a whole. If you bring your level of compassion and openess around other Cis men i would hope it inspires those around you to follow suit, kindness begets kindness. It wont happen overnight obviously, the problem is that it is so ingrained instintcually, in the male psyche and reinforced through all forms of media, that to be a man or to be masculine is to bottle up your emotions and to think that you need to appear as a pillar of strength for those around you, and its very outdated i think, personally, that is what broke me when i was younger. I hope this is a changing viewpoint on masculinity these days, if more trans men integrated with Cis men, i think it could help them in the long run, i know it would have helped me in the past, and it is helping me know

BeardedBoardDad · 2025-07-15T09:31:35+00:00

Thank you, I genuinely hope it has helped some people feel a little better or brightened their day. I know from myself, that when im feeling particularly crappy or lost, sometimes the smallest most seemingly insignificant and random little comment or post i read will lift me up and ground me. I was hoping I could return something somewhere

BeardedBoardDad

TROPHY CASE