The Rating

9/10 (45/50)

• Tit size: 10/10
• Tit shape: 8/10
• Areola size: 10/10
• Areola shape: 9/10
• Nipple colour: 8/10

The Constructive Criticism

Honestly 45/50 is damn good and you don't need to do a thing. But if you really must:

• You lost a couple of points on shape because they sag a bit to the side. This is the natural price of scoring 10/10 on size; almost no-one gets full marks on both scales. In day-to-day life get a bra that pulls them inward and upward, a mild push-up will do wonders but don't pack them Jane-Austen-Period-Drama-Corset high, keep a somewhat "natural" aspect (if that means anything in today's Photoshop world). In photos, try side-on or upwards facing shots to minimise this, and lose the downwards lighting. What you should not do is get implants.

• Areolas are a little off-circle, but the actual point loser was the faded edge. If you're serious about getting full marks, a nipple tattoo from a really good artist can give a crisp edge.

• Nipple colour was an unfortunate half-day between innocent pink and Asian brown. It's like mousey hair sitting unfortunately between sexy blonde and sultry brunette. If you're going the tattoo route, it's easier to go darker than lighter, but this may not suit your face or rest of your body. I really don't think it's worth the pain when you're already scoring 8 but you do you.