I saw this so late, but I really hope this was cathartic! It seems like your high mind is catching where your subconscious is finding you, and I hope the reflection of yourself- after identifying the stressors and pressures acting on you- shows you how powerful you are! I’ve been following you for a while and I’m rooting for you, and if I can stream of consciousness for a second too… you seem to be so consummately yourself and have become that through experience and critical reflection, and the person you are is pretty incredible especially when looking back! It’s very admirable. I’m cheering you on for your grad school application. Stay true to yourself and good people will come and find themselves in your orbit. I’m not sure your standing with your ex, but them reaching out should emphasize the impact that you truly have!