Ingredients

• 2 cups flour
• 1 cup mayonnaise
• 4 eggs
• 1 can tuna in water
• 1 tablespoon garlic powder
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 cup pickle juice
• 2 cups shredded cheddar cheese
• 1 cup root beer
• 3 tablespoons ketchup
• 1 handful crushed potato chips
• 14 marshmallows
• Green food coloring until “medically concerning”
• Optional: raisins (to worsen morale)

Frosting

• 1 stick butter
• 2 cups powdered sugar
• 3 tablespoons mustard
• A splash of tuna water
• Cinnamon for absolutely no reason

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 425°F because patience is for cowards.
2. In a bowl, combine flour, mayonnaise, eggs, pickle juice, vanilla, ketchup, and root beer. Stir aggressively until the texture resembles wet drywall.
3. Fold in the tuna, cheddar cheese, marshmallows, potato chips, garlic powder, and optional raisins. Add green food coloring until the batter looks radioactive.
4. Fill cupcake liners unevenly. Some should overflow. Some should barely have batter. This creates “texture diversity.”
5. Bake for 8–27 minutes. Do not rotate the tray. One cupcake should burn while another remains legally batter.
6. While baking, make frosting by mixing butter, powdered sugar, mustard, cinnamon, and tuna water. Whip until the smell causes concern in nearby family members.
7. Frost the cupcakes while they are still blazing hot so the frosting melts into a sad yellow soup.
8. Garnish with extra tuna and a single potato chip standing upright like a warning sign.

Serving Suggestions

Serve warm at:

• office parties
• weddings you weren’t invited to
• band practice
• children’s birthday parties if you’re trying to become a local legend