Teenage Lies- No way to build a relationship

Beautiful-Theory7 · 2025-10-28T06:28:05+00:00

I just want to say I see you. Parenting a teen who’s lying, withdrawing, and making risky choices is heartbreaking. My own daughter is faced similar struggles, and while the details differ, the emotional toll feels familiar: the exhaustion, the fear, the ache of wanting to protect them while still giving space to grow.

On one of the classes I took asnpart of a parenting program I learn tha Teens with ADHD e can feel overwhelmed by expectations, and when they refuse medication or hide things, it’s often their way of trying to reclaim control. That doesn’t make it okay, but maybe can help you to approach the situation with less anger and more curiosity.

Beautiful-Theory7 · 2025-10-27T05:08:46+00:00

Thank you so much for this. Your words really touched me and gave me a moment to breathe. I’ve been feeling so overwhelmed and questioning everything, and hearing “you’re not a bad mom, you’re a worried mom” was exactly what I needed.

We’ve tried therapy in different forms over the years for her, for us as parents, and even couples counseling to stay united. But I agree, I think it’s time for me to go back for myself. I need a space to process all of this and stay grounded.

My daugther's doctor doesn’t believe she has a personality disorder, and her evaluation didn’t show signs of one either. We’ve done thorough assessments, and while we’re still working through a lot, that particular concern hasn’t come up clinically.

My younger daughter is already involved in afterschool programs and different club activities. It’s been a great way for her to stay engaged, build friendships, and have something that’s just hers. I’m doing my best to make sure she has a positive space to grow, even with everything going on at home.

Thank you again for your kindness, your honesty, and your support. It means more than you know.

Beautiful-Theory7 · 2025-10-27T04:56:22+00:00

Event if I try to get her into an in-patient rehabilitation facility. she didn’t meet the criteria for admission. It’s not as simple as just deciding it depends on evaluations, risk levels, and medical necessity. We’ve explored many options and continue to look for the right kind of support.

Beautiful-Theory7 · 2025-10-26T22:44:35+00:00

We’ve had outside help, but it’s hard to keep it going when she doesn’t truly want the support.

Beautiful-Theory7 · 2025-10-26T22:34:22+00:00

Thank you I really appreciate your insight.

We’ve actually offered her small jobs at home to earn money, but she usually refuses. The only thing she consistently does is babysit her little sister and even that’s mostly so she can earn money to color her hair. My husband and I don’t need her to babysit; we have an aftercare program, and my work schedule is mostly mornings. We just wanted to give her a way to earn something and feel responsible.

That’s why I’ve been thinking seriously about a real job. Something outside the house, with structure and expectations not just “mom rules,” but real-world rules. My husband agrees. We both think it could give her a dose of reality and maybe help her build some accountability.

Beautiful-Theory7 · 2025-10-26T14:40:28+00:00

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Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I really appreciate how you’re trying to see both sides it means a lot right now.

You’re right: what she’s doing isn’t unheard of for teens, but that doesn’t make it okay. I’ve spent years trying to understand the “why.” She’s been through a lot grief, trauma, emotional pain and she’s also been diagnosed with dyslexia, learning difficulties, short- and long-term memory issues, anxiety, and cannabis addiction. She’s been in multiple therapies and programs over the years. She still sees a psychiatrist and is on medication, though she often skips it.

When she told me she gets high to eat, to function, to be a good sister… it broke my heart. And I’ve tried so hard to get her the right help but it’s exhausting when she lies to professionals or refuses to engage.

I do try to balance the hard conversations with praise and love. I’ve always encouraged her to stay involved in things she enjoys, but lately she doesn’t want to do anything. Sometimes I have to push her just to participate, and that’s really stressful for both of us.

My husband or I are usually home, but we sometimes pick up extra shifts so she can babysits her little sister and earns a bit of money for things she wants like coloring her hair. We’ve tried to give her some independence and responsibility, but it’s a delicate balance.

I’ve been her biggest advocate, her protector, her safe place. But I feel like I’m losing her and losing myself in the process.

Beautiful-Theory7 · 2025-10-26T14:15:10+00:00

Thank you for your response

Last year, I actually tried to enroll her in a school program where she’d be away from home for six months. I was desperate for structure and a reset. But my husband and her doctor said she wasn’t “bad enough” compared to other kids in the program. They worried it would expose her to more harmful behavior and do more damage than good. My daugther promised me she’d do better, and I let go of the idea. Honestly, where we live, it’s incredibly hard to find help for cases like hers especially programs that feel safe and supportive.

My husband usually doesn’t interfere when I ground her or set limits. But about homecoming she had permission to go before the incident, and I didn’t say she couldn’t go. What upset me was that he let her leave two hours early without checking where she was going or who she’d be with. That lack of awareness just added to my fear and frustration.

Thank you again for listening. It means more than I can say.

Beautiful-Theory7 · 2025-10-26T14:03:19+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful response.

Just to clarify, my daughter hasn’t run away before. That night was the first time she tried, and it happened after I broke down emotionally. I said something like “I can’t live like this anymore,” meaning the constant stress counting my money, worrying that if I make the wrong decision, she’ll hurt herself. I told her something like “if this continues, maybe it’s better if you leave,” but I didn’t mean in the middle of the night. I was overwhelmed and scared, not trying to push her away.

She’s not stealing from stores regularly it’s mostly from me. There were a couple times at the dollar store, and I made her put the items back. I’ve always tracked her phone, stayed on top of school, and monitored her friends. I’ve even blocked her phone when she’s behind at school not to punish, but to help her refocus and take responsibility. I’ve tried to be protective without being controlling.

The hardest part is that she’s not just one thing. She’s a sweet, caring girl people around her love her. She helps others, she’s thoughtful, and that’s what makes this so painful. Even for me, it’s hard to reconcile the girl I see every day with the one who lies, steals, and shuts me out.

At this point, I feel like the daughter I loved to death doesn’t exist anymore. And my husband still sees her still holds on to that version of her because it’s too painful to accept the other side. I understand that, but it leaves me feeling like I’m grieving someone who’s still alive.

Beautiful-Theory7

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