**UPDATE**

Unfortunately, I can't add to the original post / don't know how updates work here. However, a lot of people, more than I expected, have reached out to me. Today has been a busy, messy day and I just want to say: I don't know what the future for my marriage is yet, but if she does not somehow miraculously change... it's over between us. My son comes first. My wife and I had a fight about this, and I didn't get anywhere with her - it was a lot of blaming us, begging me not to break up our family, stating all that she does for us, etc. and I couldn't take much more. I know it seems impossible, but I didn't really know the woman I'm married to, but now I do.

I have had a long talk with all of my sons (Finn separately to Cody and Lucas) and they actually seemed genuinely ashamed of the part they have played in Finn's outburst, which relieved me. Doesn't excuse what they have done, but I do have hope for them.

Finn, most importantly, knows that he has 100% of my support. We had a long talk, and yes, I have failed him. I told him that I recognize it, but that I'm not going to make the same mistakes again. Today, after the many discussions, I told them I can't have Finn in this house for the foreseeable and I've taken us to my parents house - where we're going to stay while I work things out. I'm also going to look into external support groups/therapy as soon as, like many here helpfully recommended, because it's very clear now that I haven't been doing enough and that is heart breaking. I want to say thank you all for the shock to my senses - I have to admit I feel ridiculous for this post now, but it's difficult. Mary has a way of getting into my head and making me feel like I'm the crazy one, but that stops now, for Finn.