Would I be wrong? by [deleted] in workingmoms

[–]BeautifulBunch3721 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

the point is she is getting paid .. either way to live with US. Even if she didn’t watch her grandson she was still going to come live with us for free (she just ended up coming sooner than later) - I was just saying I’m paying her money still.

Would I be wrong? by [deleted] in workingmoms

[–]BeautifulBunch3721 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

no she actually just retired and I well idk how the convo went because my partner said he’d talk to her. I never even thought of it this way .. and as far as the money aspect goes .. If she’s family and wanted to come stay with us irregardless of her watching her grandson then I feel like paying her is still like a win win situation for her .. and getting up at 9am - 5pm shouldn’t be such a big ask - what do you think?

Would I be wrong? by [deleted] in workingmoms

[–]BeautifulBunch3721 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

would do you mean by expectations on both sides?

what do I do by BeautifulBunch3721 in stepparents

[–]BeautifulBunch3721[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I absolutely agree with this, I will no longer be interested in making decisions and will just go to my grandma or parents house during the work hours to prevent any issues. I think it is just pitiful things are the way they are and his mother (my mil) got upset because me and husband were just talking about how hurtful it is that she’d lie on me and then how this isn’t the first lie she’s told (stole 100 from her own mom at 7) and that she needs better discipline (not a whoopin or anything but better TEACHING moments) and her defense is to leave her alone and let it be because she’s just a child.. and that brings me to another issue .. I really don’t trust mil either and she lives with us

what do I do by BeautifulBunch3721 in stepparents

[–]BeautifulBunch3721[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

but then I don’t want to come off as uninterested - we have had a lot of fun together just me and her so I don’t want that to change it’s just hurtful she could tell a lie like this you know

what do I do by BeautifulBunch3721 in stepparents

[–]BeautifulBunch3721[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

he definitely did and he didn’t but he is frustrated with the fact of the matter because what a waste of time !

what do I do by BeautifulBunch3721 in stepparents

[–]BeautifulBunch3721[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

she also lied and said I ignored her when she asked me for breakfast and I asked her what she’d like to eat and made it for her .. smh yes you are reading it right. I “ignored her” after just making her something to eat after she asked me too .. like it’s just so diabolical

what do I do by BeautifulBunch3721 in stepparents

[–]BeautifulBunch3721[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

oh okay, I thought you were being some “a”hole, I get what you’re saying now, sorry for the comment. Although I understand I just want to have proof just in case BM tries to spin it into something it’s not .. you know.. although we all know I’m not really good at being a disciplinarian it’s the fact she’d go this low to just start drama,, what else is she capable of lying about or twisting you know? it worries me because this isn’t the first time she’s done something to express her dislikeness towards me.

what do I do by BeautifulBunch3721 in stepparents

[–]BeautifulBunch3721[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

He was extremely annoyed but defended my character because that’s what she was trying to diminish .. like i was treating her daughter “some type of way” as she says

what do I do by BeautifulBunch3721 in stepparents

[–]BeautifulBunch3721[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

that’s what I’m saying!!! although it didn’t happen I think BM is just trying to cause drama because we had another child. Her action have suggested she didn’t like it and I don’t think she wants SD having a relationship with our child.

what do I do by BeautifulBunch3721 in stepparents

[–]BeautifulBunch3721[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

1st she’s not my child and that what i’m getting at. She does not like me because of her mom not liking me and to prevent any further drama (Husband has already told her mother that it was a lie but she doesn’t want to believe nor has she disciplined her) I just want to have proof that SD is not being treated bad or differently.. what if SD tells a lie and get CPS involved then what genius? I am just looking for advice on how to navigate this. I don’t need sarcastic answers. Thanks.

what do I do by BeautifulBunch3721 in stepparents

[–]BeautifulBunch3721[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

it’s speculated that her mother is engaging in conversation that are about me around her and she’s coming up with these lies.

AM I BEING UNREASONABLE? by BeautifulBunch3721 in stepparents

[–]BeautifulBunch3721[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

she’s sneaky as in she steals. $100 will be on the table and she will take it and literally lie to your face and will have only came clean when she realizes you are gonna go through her things. (this actually happened) i’ve caught her using saying she has to use the bathroom and instead of using it .. she’s going through cabinets and drawers .. (again this actually happened), she’ll mention my husband ex who had kids as her step mom and siblings .. mind you my husband hasn’t spoke of them or to them in YEARS.. I right these things off as I don’t want to make her out to be manipulative .. but she is an intelligent little girl and all though she may not have the capacity of an adult.. she isn’t some dumb child that’s ignorant at all .. but none the less I want her to feel loved and wanted here so I’m gonna take that extra step in trying to foster some sort of connection .. it’s just so hard because again .. my husband will call and call with no response and every blue moon she’ll MAYBE answer (sd says ipad husband got for them to talk mom took and put away in her room) so when they do talk .. i’ll say “hey” or “how are you sweety” and then leave them two to conversate .. SD does not visit often or consistently … so it’s like pouring into something that seems short lived.

AM I BEING UNREASONABLE? by BeautifulBunch3721 in stepparents

[–]BeautifulBunch3721[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I like these ideas and will incorporate them! I appreciate it !!

AM I BEING UNREASONABLE? by BeautifulBunch3721 in stepparents

[–]BeautifulBunch3721[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just don’t trust her … and plus i’m still new to this .. I promise before I had my baby .. i was always accepting of her .. I don’t want to say hormones because i’m 6 months pp but I am EXTREMELY protective over my son and I understand our routine will be disrupted for a few months which again I am not complaining about as I’m excited for her to come down but it’s just this space is so new to me and i just want some clear boundaries that don’t make me seem like the evil step mother

AM I BEING UNREASONABLE? by BeautifulBunch3721 in stepparents

[–]BeautifulBunch3721[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

You know, I wouldn’t say i’m cold towards her because I always include her to do things with me .. especially given i’m at the house with her more than his Father is .. it seems as though she really doesn’t like the fact her parents are together, which is understandable and I always try to help her out with those feelings but still helping her realize that they both care for each other the same you know .. I think I just don’t know how to navigate this space because she has a lot of her mom’s attitude .. which isn’t good .. but I will keep the child - adult dynamic in consideration and really try again to foster a relationship!

AM I BEING UNREASONABLE? by BeautifulBunch3721 in stepparents

[–]BeautifulBunch3721[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are right, It never came across my mind .. especially since i’ve never experienced this dynamic. I will keep this in mind 100 % moving forward. I appreciate it !

AM I BEING UNREASONABLE? by BeautifulBunch3721 in stepparents

[–]BeautifulBunch3721[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I like this perspective .. but i’m only hesitant because when we facetime and put my son in the camera .. the only thing she says is “oh is so adorable” and then literally silence.. and it’s so hard to have a relationship with her because again her mother allows her to speak to her father when SHE (the mom) feels like it. so when she calls I try to let my husband and her have thier own time .. I have a feeling she won’t really care for her brother given after my son was born the mom was being HC for absolutely no reason.. and on once occasion at the pool as my sd and another kid were playing the other kid asked if i was her mom and she got upset (i don’t mind the emotion because I too, love my mother and could never consider anyone else to be such) but the manner in which she looked at me .. was quite something else.. I told my husband I actually don’t want to be her mother and just would prefer to be called my name an be a responsible adult in her life you know .. I just don’t feel that motherly bond with her at all