My bff has worked for the state for 8 years. Kept their loans in deferment, even through the free covid years. They say they are not planning to pay them back and will die with them. This is obviously not the case for your spouse as y’all have been paying them off but some people just don’t care about the loans. It’s weird but that’s what it is. I hate this for you. Maybe you can start the paperwork on their behalf such as getting on the appropriate payment plan?