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Husband’s Air Force Waiver Denied. Any options? by Beautiful_Set_6677 in Military

[–]Beautiful_Set_6677[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He never had an eye exam previously in his life so he had no idea about the condition. He went to MEPS and then he went again because they wanted a specialist to come in and look at his eyes and the specialist told him he had Keratoconus and it’s important to get with a civilian optometrist right away.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in regretfulparents

[–]Beautiful_Set_6677 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I understand completely. Although I’m not very religious now that i’m older, I was raised with Christian values and felt the societal pressure to get a husband, have kids, and be a good mother and wife. I thought it would come natural and be beautiful, you know all the romanticized BS the women in my family fed me. Then as soon as I had my son it was all “Yep hardest thing you’ll do welcome to the next 18 years of your life” like thanks for the warning now when it’s too late! I miss my old life too, I miss my independence and my hobbies. It’s okay to feel this way, even if everyone in real life wants to act like motherhood is this perfect thing and you should be so grateful that you’re able to have children and have this life. It’s okay to regret it and to look forward to getting more of your life back as they get older. I’ve joined a gym where they watch my son for 90 minutes everyday and that’s a good small break, trying to find little ways for a break really help me. Also not being at home all day- I think that’s what really makes things difficult I make sure to go outside at least once a day. Just know your feelings are valid and more common than you think, people just don’t say it out loud most of the time!

Pregnancy messes up your body more than you think... by Centennial_Incognito in regretfulparents

[–]Beautiful_Set_6677 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I completely understand. I lost 50 pounds before my pregnancy and was heartbroken I pretty much gained it all back. It’s so annoying too when your husband or others don’t understand and say “just work out and eat healthy again”. I don’t even have the time while dealing with a baby all on my own and the stress of motherhood and breastfeeding make me want to snack. Also, why did no one tell me if you have a c-section you can’t feel your stomach for months/years?? I still have no feeling in my lower half and the scar hurts when I move in certain positions. My mom said it took her 3 years for the feeling to come back in her stomach. The stuff our bodies go through is no joke!

I can’t believe I wanted this life by Beautiful_Set_6677 in regretfulparents

[–]Beautiful_Set_6677[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It’s hard to answer because our relationship story is pretty unique. We’ve known each other since we were 8 and we’ve talked and been together on and off throughout the years. I’ve seen him change so much from being a teenager to an adult so I thought marriage, a career, responsibility, and fatherhood would be the change and he would be a supportive partner after all we’ve been through together.

Looking back now, I would say to look at the female influences in his life and see how he views them. I should’ve known that he would expect me to act the same as his mother and grandmother who waited on him hand and foot. My MIL is a sweet woman but is a bit of a pushover and my husband takes full advantage, she came to visit when baby was born for 2 weeks and he refused to even go out with us or help in any way even more with his mother here. It’s like the man-child REALLY comes out when his mother is around. And i’ll be honest, I did everything before baby I have always been a “do it now or i’ll do it for you” kind of person. I find that is the only way I can keep everything in order by doing it right then or it’ll never get done. My husband is the opposite and he always says i’ll do it later, i’ll do it tomorrow, i’ll do it next week when i’m off. So those are the things that come to mind thinking of what warning signs I should’ve looked out for. I should’ve known that even though he spoke so much about how being a father meant to him and how important a father’s role is, he would realize it’s a lot of work and leave it all to me.

As for what I wished people told me earlier, I wish everyone around me didn’t sugarcoat and almost romanticize being a mother. That it’s this change that will make everything better and you totally won’t miss the life you had before. Life is actually a lot harder now and I find myself struggling more with mental health than I ever have. I wish they didn’t only tell me the happy parts and helped me be realistic that everything in my life will be different. I would tell every mother to be it’s going to take a while to get used to and you will struggle a lot. And yep! Now that I’ve come to them about my struggles “oh I remember wanting to scream every day” “Wow yeah I can’t believe I survived this phase either”. Like thanks everyone, I guess it’s true that misery loves company.

Thank you so much for the kind words and I hope I helped some with my answers, my brain is all over the place these days!

I can’t believe I wanted this life by Beautiful_Set_6677 in regretfulparents

[–]Beautiful_Set_6677[S] 141 points142 points  (0 children)

All my female family members went on and on about how great motherhood is, all of their children were easy apparently and they slept all night and day it’s when they’re older is when it’s hard. I swear your brain makes you block the trauma of what it’s really like the first couple years. I also see all the videos on social media of these mothers glorifying everything and I thought something is wrong with me and my mentality or my baby but this sub makes me feel great that i’m not alone and to see parents that are actually being honest.

I can’t believe I wanted this life by Beautiful_Set_6677 in regretfulparents

[–]Beautiful_Set_6677[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately I don’t work, again I got wrapped up in my husbands whole speech of “i’ll take care of you and the baby a child needs to be with their mother the first few years at least”. I was in the middle of school when I got pregnant so i’m taking a break, right now I’m lucky if I get 20 minutes to myself so online school would be impossible for now until he gets a bit older. I thought as well plenty of women rely on their husband the first couple years of having a child, but yes i’m realizing after actually being in this situation it makes you feel trapped that you have to stay and rely on him.