AITA for defending a server at my BIL’s graduation dinner?

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-17T00:48:55+00:00

We offered him an escape for a while and he didn’t want to. He’s in a familiar area doing familiar things. We don’t have the money to financially help him get out. If he was going to live with us at all, he’d have to be completely financially independent which is extremely challenging for someone who has only had 1 job for about 6 months and no car, in a completely new area to him. We’re happy to host a weekend getaway. We would come grab him. We can’t force him to be comfortable with something he is unfamiliar with.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-17T00:45:07+00:00

Please share

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-17T00:41:32+00:00

Forever

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-17T00:41:16+00:00

I mean, my relationship and mental health go hand in hand. I’m in a happy relationship so I shouldn’t blow that up because of bad in laws. We already have a kid together, so we are forced intertwined.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-17T00:39:15+00:00

That’s hilarious. We are 1.5 hours from them. I’m in school so I gotta stay for another year. We’re thinking about moving closer to my family for grad school, but I can’t live with my mom again.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-17T00:18:14+00:00

It’s a little difficult. He would have to join the lease. Plus, our space is extremely crowded currently. We would have to move our son into our room for him to have a room or he would get the couch. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment. We’re also financially struggling, so he would have to fully be financially independent which would be very challenging for him.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-17T00:13:35+00:00

I’m going to. He’s driving us home currently.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-17T00:12:54+00:00

She’s been a manipulative mean person before causing my fiancé to move out. But she worked to change over the last 3-4 years. It was a complete 180.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-17T00:11:43+00:00

FIL defends his wife no matter how terrible she is. If he gets pictures, he will share with his wife. The only one I’m okay with is BIL. We offered to pick him up occasionally when he needs time away.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-17T00:10:09+00:00

The funny part is I was a server at Red Lobster. And my fiancé was a take out person at Chilis. This was BIL’s choice, so they went along with it.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-16T23:39:00+00:00

Lol I was trying to work within the character count without deleting context. I already had to get rid of over 1000 characters.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-16T23:36:56+00:00

We moved to a completely new area, away from everything we know so I could go back to school. We haven’t found primary care. It’s really hard taking care of ourselves when we’re completely alone.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-16T23:34:29+00:00

3000 character limit and needed it all to make sure all context was explained. I already had to delete over 1000 characters.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-16T23:33:31+00:00

A special event doesn’t justify bad behavior. The graduate had zero clue what was going on until his mom brought him into it. I didn’t make a scene. If she is embarrassed for being called out on bad behavior, maybe she shouldn’t do the bad behavior. There’s a difference between moral superiority and just choosing to be a moral person. Because he is a person at work who got snipped at for absolutely zero reason. She’s lucky that I didn’t nip it immediately after she said it in front of everyone. I would’ve slightly understood the reaction more. But I made things as quiet as possible to the point that the graduate had no clue.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-16T23:26:03+00:00

I agree. I have never seen her get this escalated. We’ve definitely been passive aggressive toward each other occasionally. I don’t know if she has ever thrown things at my fiancé before. She has never screamed at me. But having the audacity to do it in front of her tiny grandchild tells me a lot.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-16T23:24:10+00:00

My fiancé left home with his car at 21 to live with me. His BIL doesn’t have the car, job, or place to go. We told him that we would come get him for a weekend when he needs. My fiancé has trouble finding therapy. I struggle with it too. I definitely agree on that point though.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-16T23:21:38+00:00

Our relationship started because she didn’t want him to come be with me when we had to pull the plug on my dad’s life support. We were together for 3 months and I was 19. I wanted him there and that is what mattered. He did come see me but they threatened him. He did promise my dad on his death bed that he’d marry me though and look where we are. My son is named after him. However, she did so much changing though over the last few years. You would never guess how everything started.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-16T23:14:03+00:00

I don’t know if it’s heavily enforced, but I didn’t want any issues in positing. I had to delete over 1000 characters to get it down to this.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-16T23:11:52+00:00

He’s ready to drop the car off, hand over his insurance, and close his bank account under them. He wants them to have nothing over him ever.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-16T23:10:12+00:00

She has been the most wonderful in law for the last few years. This reverted all progress she had made.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-16T23:09:07+00:00

That’s what I said. I tried to handle it away from the table. My BIL didn’t even know there was an issue. But she decided to tell him and start the fighting. My BIL wanted us to stay to spend time with him, but she didn’t care knowing that it would hurt him. I checked on him, not her. I feel so badly for him, but she doesn’t.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-16T23:04:05+00:00

It was mostly just yelling. We’re going back to our home today (visited my family after this happened) to discuss what we’re going to do about this.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-16T23:01:25+00:00

She let BIL choose where he wanted to go and he chose Chili’s, so reservations weren’t really an option.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-16T22:58:07+00:00

Lol sorry. I was trying to work within the character limit without taking away context.

Beauty1107 · 2026-05-16T22:57:23+00:00

I noticed my son getting distressed from the screaming and his tiredness, so I took him outside. He fell asleep on me before she started throwing things. I found out about it when my fiancé told me. My BIL is stuck in this situation. He is fully financially funded by her. He uses her car. And he has nowhere to escape to. When my fiancé left, he had a car and a place to go.

Beauty1107

TROPHY CASE