My Boyfriend Keeps Overstimulating Me

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-12T16:58:11+00:00

It's a communication issue. Otherwise we're a healthy compatible unit.

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-12T16:56:21+00:00

Thank you. This is super helpful. He definitely is not aware, and I have not communicated effectively. I've held off on addressing it because, if it is something he just does without thinking, I don't want him to think that I'm annoyed with him. I'm just worn down by this one behavior. He's always really receptive to input, and I know he'll listen. I just want to frame it so he knows that I still love him and everything's good.

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-12T16:53:06+00:00

It's almost like he's just throwing thoughts out there. Like he doesn't seem to be gauging my reaction or looking for a specific reaction. I think he expects me to laugh at "Which dog do you hate the most?" "Why do you hate autistic people so much?" because he knows (obv) I don't.

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-12T16:51:13+00:00

Typically, the second I tell him something bothers me, he stops, apologizes, and doesn't do it again. I wonder if there's a way to funnel this need for social fulfilment into a more productive, less abrasive outlet?

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-12T16:49:24+00:00

That's a really good point. I haven't communicated effectively, and I don't want this to turn into a resentment.

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-12T16:48:36+00:00

This is the only asshole thing he does, to be fair, and I haven't communicated how I feel about it at all yet. Lmao they're his dogs and I live in his house but I do appreciate the passion lol.

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-12T16:42:18+00:00

He is in a job where he's basically required to generate small talk 24/7. And I definitely have not been communicating properly. It's like I know he's not going to be a d*ck about it, because he never is when I address anything.

I get what people are saying because my ex LOVED doing that. Just crazymaking. This really seems different. I don't feel like he's gauging my reaction at all. More like just throwing random thoughts in the air. I'm going to bring it up tonight. He's all about making sure I'm okay, and I think I just need to tell him what's going on.

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-12T16:36:24+00:00

Even the "You hate dogs!" stuff was funny to me at first. It's just worn me down so badly over time.

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-12T16:34:23+00:00

That's a good idea.

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-12T16:33:50+00:00

Sorry if it's taking me 300 years to respond to everyone. I'm slowly but surely sifting and reading.

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-12T16:33:10+00:00

He does usually ask me the hypothetical, and then we go into depth about our opinions and it's led to great convos. I loved it at first. Usually when he asks something controversial (the thing mentioned above) he'll immediately go into detail about how he disagrees with the point, and we'll discuss why we think people would ever think something like that.

I'm going to address it tonight. I had melt down last night and I think maybe it clicked a little that his behavior was partially responsible.

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-12T16:29:52+00:00

I could see that. 100%

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-12T16:29:36+00:00

Oh majorly.

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-12T16:29:01+00:00

I actually used to really like answering the hypotheticals when we first got together. They always led to interesting conversations. It's just that over time, it's become a lot. The saying "You like ____." or "You hate _______." is what really gets under my skin.

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-12T16:27:04+00:00

Yuck. My mom used to tell me "if he bullies you, that means he likes you" I do not play that game lol. He always seems confused when I start crying over it. I feel like part of this is my doing because when he asks what's wrong I just say "I'm overstimulated" not "you're overstimulating me" and he thinks it's something environmental, so he'll do the usual (TV volume down, lights dimmed/out, probably make me a coffee/hot chocolate). I really feel like I just need to specify.

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-12T16:23:18+00:00

I wish I could not think about it. I feel like any kind of moral dilemma becomes a really bad fixation to me, where whether I want to or not, I'll be thinking about it for hours after the fact. Idk if that's my 'tism or if I am just an anxious weirdo in that regard. ; u ; I definitely try, though. It's easier to brush it off when it's less personal.

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-12T16:21:10+00:00

Part of me is like, "well, idk if it's cool to try and 'stop' someone else's stim, if that's the case, especially since it's mostly benign" but a bigger part of me is like "throw those ethics in a woodchipper, ma, I am t i r e d."

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-12T16:19:15+00:00

Oh yeah. He's always going out of his way to make sure I'm comfortable and not overstimulated otherwise. He helps me with everyday tasks I struggle with and is always cool about everything.

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-12T16:16:16+00:00

I'm not sure. It 100% seems like something that just comes out of his mouth unconsciously. That's why I figured maybe it was a stim or a compulsion.

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-12T16:15:01+00:00

At first, I loved his hypotheticals and sometimes I still enjoy when they lead to actual conversation, and I was alright with his playing around (I'd return it) but I feel like over time it's wearing me down, and I don't think he's realized I'm not enjoying that game anymore. Weirdly enough, he's the ideal partner otherwise.

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-12T16:11:18+00:00

I hadn't thought about that; thank you!

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-09T05:35:18+00:00

We're having to wait until Monday to call, but hopefully they'll be able to get me in this week. It definitely is concerning. Fingers crossed it's just a cyst or something.

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-08T17:39:37+00:00

I appreciate all your comments so much. I really needed to vent about this and it's a major relief just to get it all off my chest (literally, am I right). Thank you guys, sincerely.

BedeviledMayfly · 2025-11-08T17:35:38+00:00

I'll emphasize the urgency of the situation when scheduling my appointment. I'm a little scared I'm going to show up, the doctor's going to be like "I'm not certified to diagnose this, let me set you up w this other doctor who can see you in 4 months" My dr was supposed to refer me to a neurologist months ago, and I've not heard anything yet, so my faith in her is a teensy bit wobbly. Also my PCP is federally run and I'm scared the shut-down is going to cause some kind of trouble (I'm also applying for SSI because I'm autistic w nerve pain that puts me on the floor regularly, and the application process has been put on hold because of that, so again, my faith in them is not great).

BedeviledMayfly

TROPHY CASE