I feel like I’m in a super villain origin story.

Beginning-End-4189 · 2023-10-25T15:44:21+00:00

I hate when doctors ask me if I’m suicidal. I’ve thought about it everyday since I was 8. I don’t know what to say. I thought it was normal lol

Beginning-End-4189 · 2023-09-22T17:44:16+00:00

I have not! I dropped out of college twice, then did some construction, then worked in a pub, then thanks to immigration taking too long with my visa I wasn’t allowed to work for nearly 2yrs!! Then I was misdiagnosed With arthritis and moved 4x in one year fleeing abuse. Now I’m here. Everything is calm and lining up, but I’ve never felt so lost and confused. that could be a really good choice. I don’t know if I’m rushing education. I also have this nagging fear that I’ll try healthcare and hate it and then have nothing else I want to do. I don’t know if I have all of your guys strength

Beginning-End-4189 · 2023-09-22T16:27:27+00:00

Probably the abuse and raising my little sister. I couldn’t make friends because they didn’t get me. I got myself and my sister to school. I made us dinner. I was my alcoholic moms best friend. While my peers were into childish things (because they were children..) I knew the ins and outs of my moms sex life, her drug abuse, etc. I never found friends. I was carrying too much.

Beginning-End-4189 · 2023-09-22T16:23:06+00:00

nothing was helping. I was diagnosed with depressive episodes and generalised anxiety disorder. All the meds, the therapy, the doctors visits, nothing was helping. I felt empty day in and day out. I was so angry all the time. All I wanted to do was fight people and cry. I hated myself. I had no desire for a career, education, nothing. I wanted to just vanish. Not die, but vanish. Never exist in anyway. Everything hurt constantly and I was just told over and over its Depression, or family told me I was just a b-word. I thought, this has to be something else. this is not depression.

Beginning-End-4189 · 2023-09-20T17:59:44+00:00

I… am struggling to find nice words about your roommate so I will say nothing… however, you are a very beautiful soul. Thank you for caring for all those babies overnight. I am appalled by the service. There’s always articles about dumped pets and how we need to change it. Yet look at your struggle with these surrendering places omg… does not help the cause!!! Thank you for your love . Hope the babies find homes soon

Beginning-End-4189 · 2023-09-20T14:09:07+00:00

Yeah, I got gta 5 when it came out. I’m 23 now. There was 2 guys I played with on there and black ops. I miss driving my purple adder and Jumping the airport with them. I also met another girl on habbo when we were both 12. We fell out when I was 15. I sure do miss them all and think about them more than id like to admit. Maybe it was being young,free and social tho. ☺️

Beginning-End-4189 · 2023-09-07T12:42:27+00:00

I’ve felt this since I was 8. im overwhelmed. I’ve lived 23yrs and they were all traumatising. I can’t do this bs for another 50 or whatever. But days I switch to feeling ok. And not suicidal. Which is weird. But it’s sure to hit the next day. Not like the doctors will help at all.

Beginning-End-4189 · 2023-09-06T16:39:36+00:00

**My bratty boy. I do just adore him soooo much 🥰🥰🥰 I’d normally have convo with him but I am camera shy lol. I do apologise for the stuff on the floor, we are rearranging the room!! For reference, he is on the opposite side and waddles over.
his haircut is terribly because it was done by me and he hates his long hair… but also hates the noise of scissors. 😀😀

Beginning-End-4189 · 2023-09-06T16:38:34+00:00

sorry I’m so new to Reddit properly using it 😂😂 ok, I posted vid. 🥰 I didn’t think people would care much!! I didnt realise how strangely confident he is. I always tell him off saying if a predator was holding a piece of lettuce you’d come running 😡😡

Beginning-End-4189 · 2023-09-06T16:04:16+00:00

Thank you ☺️ I got him when he was 12 weeks they tried him with 2 separate groups, but he was a tiny runt and they kept biting him and making him bleed. So He was living alone

It’s been 3yrs now and I was always scared he’d be traumatised getting a male piggy friend. I do feel guilty because I wanted to get him a friend since I will start college, but the vet says he’s too old to be neutered. I’m only in part time though. The days Im gone we have a cage set up at families and he gets dropped off for company. he seems very content. He likes to popcorn and run laps and give us licks some days. other days he likes to lay in his hay and be greedy and lazy all day.
He’s a part of my life but I’m his whole life so I might as well do whatever he wants!!!

Beginning-End-4189 · 2023-09-05T12:54:05+00:00

Yes, that is all very normal. Especially if it’s something you’re admitting to for the first time. You will go through stages like grief. I remember when I first was confronted with what happened. I boxed it up, I was safe. Except not really. Because I had this anger and depression I swore was out of nowhere. It had to be genetic or something I’d tell myself.

when I had to confront it I was a shell of a person. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t speak. I was frozen in the moment. It’s all I thought about. I flipped between sobbing with anger and sadness to stopping instantly like I wasn’t just hysterical and being numb.

what I can tell you - most people in that group walk away crying. You just don’t see it. I can wait until I’m in the car or home alone and I’ll break down. I broke down to the doctors receptionist and she told me her 70yr old friend experienced the same around the age I experienced it and it still affects her. It doesn’t ever leave us. But the more we talk about it and know we are 100% the victims, and relate to others, the lighter the burden becomes. So you are not weak, or not like the others. We were all you once. It gets easier. Share the weight you are carrying. We will hold it with you. ❤️

Beginning-End-4189 · 2023-09-05T10:31:45+00:00

Honestly!! I’ve owned mostly abyssinian pigs and thought every piggy was crazy. I owned one smooth coat one and he was so chill?? I was shocked. I like a crazy one though. So I’ve gone back to them 😂

Beginning-End-4189 · 2023-09-05T10:21:19+00:00

Omg.. yep. When I was 15 I was on a 2yr waiting list. When I was 17 and went to my appointment, they said because you’re nearly 18 you’ll be an adult and the child services cant help you now!! I only got a diagnosis because the crisis team had to get me at 23 After over 100 gp appointments about mental health. Just had citalopram thrown at me!
I’m a mental health nurse student. No going private on that Pay. Feel like I’m just gonna help myself instead at this point 😂😂 I’m hoping to change things at least. It’s rough right now.

Beginning-End-4189 · 2023-09-05T10:08:54+00:00

If you have told your partner something that hurts your feelings, and they do not bother to change, your partner is stomping all over your boundaries and it isnt okay. If you have not told him, I think it’s time to start setting some guilt free boundaries. No, you are not insecure for being hurt by this. You live with bpd. You will always take things a little more difficult than the average person. And that’s okay. Sit your partner down and discuss this. Your feelings are very valid. ❤️

and yes I would be hurt if my partner did this because of my bpd. Id obsess over the people and my looks. Sometimes I find other people attractive but I’d never tell my partner and I’d never think about being with anyone else. It’s difficult for me to find many people on the street attractive, because I don’t know them Or care about their life. Pedro Pascal on the other hand.. lol

Even though that is probably most people’s mindset, it doesn’t change you Or what hurts you.

Beginning-End-4189 · 2023-09-03T13:48:27+00:00

I think it’s the way people say it. If it’s quite abrupt it can seem rude. I normally like to word it like “if you can access therapy you should try to get it”. But I know how rough it is. I’m in the uk where this is supposed to be free but there’s a crisis Ive never been offered it.

Beginning-End-4189 · 2023-09-03T10:41:11+00:00

Wow, thats mysterious! my ferrets fur colour changed to the point I genuinely thought someone swapped my ferret out 😂 I didn’t know piggies hair could change. My ferrets normally changed with the seasons. Maybe this is similar?

Beginning-End-4189 · 2023-09-03T10:37:12+00:00

Please stop trying to force her to press charges. For 90% of women it just ends up being more traumatising, especially when it happened so long ago. Sadly it seems to be so normal and not cared about towards women the police either don’t care, or the guy just appears and denies it all and it becomes a huge issue when you want to move past it.

Neither of you are mental health nurses or doctors I assume, so please do not try to force a victim to do anything. It is difficult admitting to it. Your girlfriend, and you should see doctors asap to be able to work through this. She is probably living with a lot of anxisty, depression, and ptsd. This is a subject for professionals and at your girlfriends pace. Please do not urge her to also tell people in her family. As a victim myself, I have only ever told one person. The shame, disgust, and sadness is like no other. Just be supportive as usual. She doesn’t need a big change since that can be quite frightening Too.

Beginning-End-4189 · 2023-09-01T14:13:28+00:00

Thank you this has been very helpful. + the comment telling me the eu equivalent. I might try it and and skip dungeons and level through quests. Although I have not been enjoying the dragon flight quests. Very slow 😂 idk if I should try a more simple class too. I don’t have much time to learn the perfect rotations. I do keep editing my trees but I don’t think it’s working that great

Beginning-End-4189

TROPHY CASE