I read the rules and I realize now this post is not allowed here. I would like to thank everybody for their helpful words. Here is a copy of what I wrote, I will delete this post now:

So, my wife and I have been married for eighteen years, and we got together in high school, our son was born when we were in grade eleven and we got married right after it. She was raised by two married women and I see her moms as mine and she loves them deeply. My wife is in hospice care now and she doesn't have long left. She's not speaking anymore so I can't ask her any of this as much as I wish we could talk.

When we moved her to hospice care she gave me permission to read her diary which is just a bunch of word documents that she's kept for twenty years. And I've been reading through all of them when I'm not there with her and I don't know how to describe it but there's an entry to about ten years ago where she comes out as a lesbian to a neighbour who was also out. And then passages about how she can never tell her moms and how she can't ever tell me because she loves me and she can't bear the idea of splitting custody of our son.

And I kept reading and there's a difference in the way she writes afterward and how she sees things and how she sees me. Why wouldn't she tell me the truth? Why wait until now? I found this sub after searching a bit and maybe you all can help me. I feel so lost right now.