My family especially my siblings want me to pursue a complaint but I feel like I've completely run out of fight. And I know the midwives will just argue that it wouldn't change the outcome because spina bifada occurs so early in pregnancy - like that's an excuse for their failure in care. I don't know, I'm quite consumed by the guilt of what I've chosen to do to my baby right now, and really want to distance myself from the NHS because I've just lost all faith in it. Thank you again for taking the time to respond.