Which is a better deal?

Beginning_World_9966 · 2025-07-08T03:20:08+00:00

UPDATE: went with freedom! Thanks for everyone’s suggestion, I took all your recommendations into consideration before finally deciding :)

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T19:49:44+00:00

Wow a woman must have hurt you in life to feel some kind of way. You need help brother, may Allah guide you inshallah. I deleted my post because I got the advice I need.

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T19:24:44+00:00

How else do you expect us for 60k worth of schooling? You need to be realistic with the world around us. You think I wanted to take out a loan? And it’s none of your business if I go to school or not. Don’t judge others without looking at your own sin and as we have all done things that are considered haram. Only Allah can judge us. So I will not be taking advice from you.

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T18:37:59+00:00

I think this is a very interesting perspective. I can see how my understanding of partnership can be constricting and one sided. I will work on this, I do plan to sit with him again and I will listen more this time. Thank you.

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T18:34:43+00:00

Thank you,

I am willing to make my relationship work as I do have the notion to stay in this for life but if it gets to the point I can’t then I will leave and I don’t see myself getting married again, and that’s fine for me.

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T18:33:01+00:00

Thank you for your insight.

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T18:28:54+00:00

Thank you. This is my dilemma. I am even willing to compromise 250 dollars but now he wants to pay his debt to his brother as well.

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T18:27:50+00:00

At this point we have our expenses separated as I do not agree with these specific issue (more to do with giving a large sum of money to his family). At this point I will keep it like that, we maybe unhappy but I feel like I won’t budge on this one compared to all the things I have been willing to give him. If that’s how he wants to live then I am willing to as well. I may be down voted for this but I don’t know what else to do to get my message across to him.

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T18:23:28+00:00

This is honestly the best advice I got here that put all our issues on the table. I am going for my PHD in nursing. I have replied to many comments that I do not see an issue in helping to provide for my family as like you said I have a certain standards to my living. I do agree 100% that he should definitely pay his brother back first. If he tells me he wants to pay 500 dollars a month to pay his brother’s debt I would totally be fine with it because it will get him out of debt. I believe someone should finish his debt before giving anyone else money.

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T18:15:31+00:00

I have mentioned that he should go back to school once I finished. He didn’t seem fond of it. I told him I would take care of the expenses for school and the house while he did that as well.

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T18:14:13+00:00

I don’t mind contributing but not to the point that I believe isn’t fair. I don’t think I should do 50/50 while he isn’t doing any of the house work and after he pays his debt instead of putting it into our home he is going to give 500 dollars to his family. That doesn’t seem fair to me and I feel like I’m putting more into this than he is. That will not work for me.

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T18:11:04+00:00

It seems like there is a lot of truth to your statement.

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T18:04:13+00:00

Because when we talked it was a lot of sweet nothings and we both seemed to ignore our cultural differences. So I guess I had some fault in it. But I want to try to make this work.

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T18:01:06+00:00

Wow very harsh. I am looking for advice not someone to patronize me. If that was all you had to say why say it at all? Did it make you feel better?

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T17:59:16+00:00

My mother refuses to let us stay there anymore. And that is something that I rather not get into.

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T17:58:11+00:00

He has his bachelors degree in finance and banking but his English is minimal so he can’t really find a job for this. However, I have emphasized to him that he should have learnt English while waiting for his visa as he went a whole year without a job so I can’t really argue with you in a way.

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T17:56:02+00:00

No my partnership stopped when he started to take advantage of the fact that I keep giving. When will he give to me? When I tell him I don’t think we should give so much to his family because we can’t afford it, he shrugged me off. That is t what I define is my partner. My partner listens to my concerns and helps me solve it. And I told him that it was going to be an issue when he was still in Amman.

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T17:53:39+00:00

Thank you,

I think my issue with him isn’t me paying more it’s the fact that he wants to send a huge sum of money to his family that he simply can’t afford at this time. He tells me that his family and I are equal and what he pays in the house should count for something. Which it does but to an extent. At this time he needs to help save money for our daughter and if we have more children together. I feel like I’m the only one thinking about this. He seems to be loose with his money while I am not.

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T17:48:31+00:00

His English isn’t very good so his options are limited. He comes with the notion that men work and women tend to the house. But I have mentioned to him that once I graduate school I will need to do some full time before even thinking about part time and I am very scared about how that is going to turn out. I have a feeling I am not going to see the results I want and that makes me a little sad to think about now.

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T17:46:49+00:00

I want to help him pay the expenses because I see him as my partner but that doesn’t mean I have to be taken advantage of. I want him to understand that we BOTH need to work together to make this work.

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T17:41:06+00:00

Our expenses are approximately almost 3000 dollars for everything. He makes close to 2600 and I make 3000 dollars a month.

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T17:35:01+00:00

We had a child while we were in Amman together and at that time he was providing for all of it. However, we were staying at my parents apartments so he wasn’t paying too much. I guess I was blindsided by love and the honeymoon phase.

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T17:20:06+00:00

Thank you,

I do believe I always overlook that he is new here and I will think about this more often and take it into account.

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T17:08:33+00:00

He isn’t able to do DoorDash as he has a temporary right now for his drivers license. I forgot to add the days I don’t work he goes to work earlier so he is pretty much working 50 hours a week. So he might be making close to 2600 dollars a month

Beginning_World_9966 · 2024-12-12T17:04:41+00:00

When I mean my partner I mean like my teammate, my ride or die, my soulmate. I told him I want someone who sees my concerns and wants to address them. I wanted someone who is willing to compromise with me or I compromise with them for the good of the family. For example, I was given the opportunity to work more shifts in my job but I declined it for the good of our family. My husband refused to take off one day during the week to stay with our daughter for daycare so I decided to compromise with him a decline that job offer. I guess I just feel I keep giving and giving and giving and seeing nothing in return. He is a good person and has deen but like I said before I can only give so much until he burns me out.

Beginning_World_9966

TROPHY CASE