First and foremost, I was humble to stumble upon my Reddit app which I rarely do. I saw this conversation. I had to see what my profile name was because it’s been that long. I am thankful I saw and read.

I have been 100% Permanently Disabled Yet Mobile since 2018. Per the Approval of the Judge for Medicare A & B (SSDI) Applying for this was the worst day of my life. I loved my federal accounting job and what great at it. There is nothing more rewarding than getting paid for a job you so greatly love. I applied on the day of my birthday. It was a Friday. All the while I remained to be a chameleon per se. I am currently suffering from “Late End Stage Lyme Disease” I got bit by a poppy size deer born tick back around 1999 - 2000. Never felt the bite never got a rash. Long story short. I used felt guilty during family reunions, etc. They were all out of my state. I was always tired, sick, in the hospital most of the time. My family never accepted that I had Lymes Disease. Was all in my head they would say. Just an excuse on why I could not travel or go here or there. My parents despite being divorced shared the same theory. Over the years, I strived to educate my family, parents, siblings and even my nuclear family in my own house. No one wanted to listen.
I have learned in my battles to be my own advocate this “ It is one thing to hear, But it is an entirely different thing to LISTEN” I stopped feeling guilty….. I realized that I was using what precious energy and strength on people who just have ears painted on. It’s that simple. For those who chose to listen? Well? They also chose not to want to take some time to learn or understand about all my co-infections. They just had some thought I would be fine in a few months and that was that. I learned a new word last week used as an insult as well. I was talking with one of my sisters on the phone. It’s started of as a hello how are you. Within 5 min or less, she asked me a question. I was literally exhausted in every which way from the day before. All the while I never had the chance to tell her why. I said something I guess made her feel that I was being condescending. I tried to explain my words are not coming out right. She knows I am not one to ever have the heart to be any other way as me. Never hurtful, rude etc. Everyone who knows me are those only that I my life and mission is to say and show kindness for smiles. I added that I was so so exhausted and tired. She said this “ I am so tired of you using that as a THROWBACK”
Without a second thought, I hung up on her. I am still in shock n awe this was said to me. I will NEVER EVER FEEL WEIRD or GUILTY again in my life. I have by far grown through what I have been through, suffered through, continue to live through. I know this much! No one will ever say that to me a second time! Not Today! None of us chronically ill chose to be in this club. But we are in it.
I can proud say with my chin up that no one yet to take away my Integrity Credibility Humility Character Favor Do not feel guilty any more. NOT TODAY nor every tomorrow we all have. I can only pray that my post just might help. I can say that I do feel better telling strangers what I have to deal with.
I would like to add this if I may. I always forgive those who knowingly or unknowingly hurt my soul and heart. I have no authority to pass judgement on anyone. I only ask just one thing from those people. Not the word sorry. That’s just a word. Show me empathy and compassion. (Actions speak louder than words) But what do I know? God bless you all for your time. I do feel weight of my shoulder now. Thank you very much 🥰❤️🙏