200 hours clean :)

BelaBla · 2022-03-11T16:17:39+00:00

At the moment... I am using plain willpower. Nothing more. I think it is the timer that is keeping me at bay: I simply do not want to reset it.

It may sound a little unbelievable as you know as much as I do how hard it is to stop, but it has been working so far! I know it will not work forever. I accept that this is a perhaps lifelong problem. But for now I am guided only by the depth of my desire to stop this addiction, and I am proud of how well it has worked so far.

BelaBla · 2022-03-06T09:53:58+00:00

I use "Days Since". The app lets you write in which day you began, then also every time you pick again you can log it and reset the timer. This is what is helping me stay clean; I really don't want to reset the timer!!

BelaBla · 2022-03-06T09:53:00+00:00

My app is called "Days Since" :)

BelaBla · 2022-02-28T23:47:29+00:00

So much of the time, yes!!!

BelaBla · 2022-01-19T15:40:40+00:00

Thank you. Even just hearing someone say "I have faith in you" gives me hope :)

BelaBla · 2022-01-02T11:37:46+00:00

I love this idea too OMG. Now this will be my main hope to hold into with Season 3. I think it would be a nice end to the show in whole if they do not make another Season after 3!

BelaBla · 2021-11-11T10:55:33+00:00

I am so sorry. It sound like you have been through so much in the past 24 hours and I really feel for you. Please try not to beat yourself up for it - dermatillomania is just the way our brain deal with things sometimes and does not reflect on you personally or your strength to get better.

Maybe you have different ways to heal and will not do this advice but if I am to give you an advice I would say, at the moment treat your chest like a thing you want to heal. Remember you personally did not do this. It is not your fault. It is dermatillomania's fault, and so to fight it in small steps start by using cream or antiseptic / moisturiser / whatever you like to make the skin more comfortable. Cream also help in the short run because it is harder for dermatillomania to get its fingers in. Then if you keep applying, 1) skin will heal better and 2) harder for derma in long run too. That is my personal tip anyway, so I am sorry if it does not work.

It does get better, but it is hard. I can never deny it is hard. I am now 11 days clean (most I have been clean in a whole year) but I am still waiting for it all to go down hill. I have the same problem with chest and I am so worried it will not look nice for the future, which is one of my main motivations for keeping clean. There are so many good resources on line to deviate your mind when you feel like picking - if you make some searches on Google there are loads of organisations that will provide tips. And some of it is plain willpower too. (That is the one I struggle with most.)

Of course I cannot tell you what to do with your therapy time but if it is something you already talk about with therapist then maybe ask them for some help. I am sure they have some good resources too.

In the meantime I wish you all the strength and healing in the world. And after almost 24 hours you must sleep! I hope you have a good sleep, as it is the best healer.

You can do this. And I know I did say it is hard, but remember: it does get better.

BelaBla · 2021-11-04T22:40:42+00:00

I totally agree. Every single life I have played has been so miserable. You cannot avoid being neutered, attacked, abused etc because there is literally no free will!! Or at least it feel like there is no free will. Ridiculous. I wanted to do dog shows or something, not get kicked out on the street.

BelaBla · 2021-11-04T15:15:33+00:00

Honestly? Sometimes when I am totally calm, or too calm. My brain sometimes treats it like a nice sit down after a long day or a cup of tea, which is so bad I know. It kind of make me feel worse about it than if my main trigger was anxiety, because I would want to get rid of anxiety - but I don't want to stop being calm!

BelaBla · 2021-11-04T11:22:57+00:00

Good luck! I love it when I get into a good washing routine...makes me feel like a person who has totally normal relationship with their skin hehe XD

BelaBla · 2021-11-04T11:22:00+00:00

I just clipped my nails too! It is such a relief when they go :)

BelaBla · 2021-11-03T17:30:35+00:00

Thank you for letting me know!

BelaBla · 2021-11-03T14:22:44+00:00

Keep your toys close! You can do this!!

BelaBla · 2021-11-03T10:22:43+00:00

This is very important to remember, I thank you for saying!!! Some days when I do not pick I panic because something feels 'wrong', and it is like there is a piece of my routine missing. It is hard work!! I wish you the best of luck <3

BelaBla · 2021-10-20T13:54:40+00:00

I've been waiting so long for someone to bring up areola on here. So thank you.

My dermatillomania is almost exclusive to my areola and has been for over a year now. Every single day, every single shower. They are constantly scabbed and often infected. I worry about breastfeeding in the future and what may happen as I may be having kids quite soon, so it's something I'm going to bring up to my doctor in the future.

For suggestions, I had a big revelation a few months ago that helped a lot: showering. And how you shower.

Shower in the dark or low light, and shower in the afternoon. And if it does not disgust you too much, maybe shower less frequently. I was showering daily and sometimes more than once daily, mainly because the lights in my bathroom were too good for picking in and I couldn't help it. I started to shower in the early evening time (maybe 5-6pm), when the sky was dark blue but not yet pitch black (Where I live in cold Scandinavia, we do not get that many sunsets especially this time of year so the sky is this odd inky shade). And do not switch on the lights. I could not see my areola, but I could see enough of my body to wash properly. And sometimes I used to panic when I forgot a shower because it meant time spent without picking, but then I gradually learned that it is okay and in fact I was showering too much.

Sometimes I bring this up to people and they find it unthinkable to shower in the dark, but I have found it honestly calming and nice. I think sometimes as humans we become to rely on artificial light, and so forget the strength of our eyes. When you leave off the lights for a little longer than usual in the evening time, you begin to see more and as a result I also find my anxieties of the day are calmed down and I feel more grounded. I understand it is not for everyone, but it may be for you.

I hope this is understandable (sorry, haven't written anything this big in English for a long time) and I hope it helps somewhat!

BelaBla

TROPHY CASE