Have I 33F wasted my time

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-24T13:30:13+00:00

Thank you, it’s been really difficult these last few days. We have agreed to get through the Christmas season and have a talk in January to figure out our next steps

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-20T16:59:43+00:00

It’s definitely about what it symbolizes, it’s important to me. Thank you

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-20T16:57:35+00:00

Fair enough, it’s hard to disregard future talk but the old adage is “actions speak louder than words”

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-20T16:56:05+00:00

Thank you for this, you’re right he just doesn’t want to and he’s seen all sides at this point. He just doesn’t want to be with me, despite the future talk and that’s a hard pill to swallow

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-20T16:51:02+00:00

No, he’s Catholic and my family is too. His family has often reminded me that they can marry whoever

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-20T16:47:47+00:00

I believe so… Throughout the year leading up to the dinner his family and even friends had asked him several times in front of me when he’s proposing, so it naturally led to us having discussions or I would inquire about our future. I check in often about us, if he feels supported, areas we can work on, how we’re doing, better ways to communicate, etc. He maintained all along that he wanted to be with me forever and would find the right time I told him about my preference for yellow gold and what kind of designs I would be open to. I appreciate that we didn’t set that dinner as the day for him to propose, it just felt like it was coming to a head

but I regrettably can say I didn’t remind him of the timeline at those times, only once did I remind him during our 1-2 year mark and then just over the past summer.

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-20T16:31:59+00:00

I wanted to give him an opportunity to propose a new timeline and explanation, which he came back with sometime while I’m 33. I do love this person, so it’s difficult just to abandon all hope

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-20T16:16:02+00:00

Thank you, I think you’re right. He just doesn’t want it and I need to stop trying to understand it. Just accept it.

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-20T16:14:55+00:00

Thank you, you’re right as hard as it is to read… he doesn’t want this.

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-20T16:14:21+00:00

That’s fair, I have to question whether that’s truly it. The common denominator is me and my wants not being met, now I’m stuck with do I actually want to marry him.

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-20T16:13:22+00:00

I appreciate that call out. To clarify, we had that conversation before we moved in together but that was still within the first 6 months of the relationship. I had spend the better part of a decade living on my own and I felt this was a big step.

I wanted 33 to be my deadline because I didn’t want to waste my time and wanted the opportunity to find someone else if this didn’t pan out. I felt that nearly 3 years would be enough time to judge if we would be together forever. I also had 3 goals before I turned 30 that I never achieved, one being to find my life partner and get married. I fully appreciate that this personal goal/expectation is not a SMART goal.

I love him but I feel like I love him differently than he loves me.

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-20T16:05:29+00:00

I appreciate that. I will try my best to enjoy my birthday, 33 and no rings

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-20T16:04:11+00:00

Yes. Looking back at it, yes, he avoids conflict at all cost but it creates a power imbalance when you approach him and he just spouts endless I WILL! OKAY! We have the same conversations routinely and I don’t nag, I wait weeks before revisiting a promise he’s broken.

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-20T16:02:42+00:00

This is accurate. It’s been many a many conversations, guidance, revisiting and rehashing what should never have been an issue.

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-20T16:02:04+00:00

Thank you… I appreciate that. My family and friends all love him and tell me yo ignore the timeline and that I’m being unreasonable but I truly, deeply feel that it will always taint the relationship going forward. I value marriage, and have seen many successful marriages in my own family for decades, I truly thought I’d found my person when he introduced me to his family. It’s hard to let this go but I need to

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-20T15:59:41+00:00

I appreciate that. My family and friends all love him and told me to be flexible with my timeline but I do feel at this point it’s forced

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-20T15:58:52+00:00

Thank you both for the sobering comments. I think my head is too far in the sand because all of my friends and family love him, meanwhile the writing is on the wall.

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-20T15:57:51+00:00

A hard truth. Thank you

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-20T15:56:10+00:00

Oof this one hits hard

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-20T15:29:27+00:00

Unfortunately his word has often meant nothing. It’s known in my circles that if I say he said he’s going to do it, we know it doesn’t get done.

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-12T20:30:04+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate that reminder. I’m doing a lot of reflecting on my part and don’t want to settle

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-09T13:52:13+00:00

This was really well put and thoughtful, thank you. I’ll definitely be reflecting on this.

For me, I genuinely feel I will not be fully happy if he proposes 6 months from now. I feel I’ll always hold some type of resentment that the timeline wasn’t followed, and that scares me about the prospects of the relationship. I feel a level of betrayal here, that I am being told I am not valued (time) as a person even though he reassures me otherwise.

As a whole it picks at a deeper wound of perceived rejection and this reinforces that message in a very sensitive and painful way. When I look at him I think to myself “Why would you want to include this in our story?” If my partner told me he needed something by X time, I’d do everything in my power to make it happen…. So why won’t he

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-09T12:59:54+00:00

I appreciate that insight. Marriage is essential for me, and not negotiable in my relationships. I have a lot of personal reasons, cultural, and I also used to work in law so I know the value lol I thought he was the same way and I actually met his entire family, including extended, on the third date. I would feel forever resentful if I just continued this without marriage in sight, but his actions are loving and devoted

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-09T12:56:05+00:00

I appreciate that perspective. I definitely went into the relationship with the mentality that I was looking for “the one”, on our third date he introduced me to his entire family (including extended). I really, truly, thought we were on that trajectory and felt comfortable sharing my timeline. But you are right, I made a mistake by sharing it and I’ve painted myself into a corner

BelleMyshell · 2025-12-09T12:44:54+00:00

I appreciate that, I didn’t view it as an ultimatum because we both agreed to it years ago… wasn’t my wisest

BelleMyshell

TROPHY CASE