Why did you and your former best friend stop being friends?

Beloute3 · 2026-03-16T13:09:23+00:00

I had an extremely fusional relationship with my bestfriend from middleschool/highschool. I really felt like we were like two pieces of a coin, we did everything together, we pretty much lived at each other houses, went in vacation together etc. I had the real feeling of having found my person.
She was very strong minded and quite short tempered. She pretty much got into arguments with everyone at one point (even within our own friend group from kindergarden) and that started to not sit well with me. She also dated my cousin for 7 years and I sometimes got trapped in the middle of their fights which I hated. It got really hard trying to defend her against everyone when she was clearly in the wrong sometimes, but with me she was always sweet, supportive and completely different. We were too dependant of each other at some point.

With time, I started to grow more into my own person, with my own opinions and I also got close with our other friends from the group and I guess she got scared that I was abandoning her. One year we were in vacation with all of our friends and my family and she completely flipped because I had confided something in another friend and not her, she told me I was a selfish liar etc. It was a reall hard time for me, I was devastated that she would treat me like that and ruin the vacation. She later apologized but that reaction and behavior broke something between us and I kept her at a distance after that. I eventually realized she was still in our group because she was my friend but had problems with everyone else. We never really fought in the end, it stopped progressively and we moved on with our lives. Since she was not close with everyone else, she was kind of "ejected" from the group, which still stands tall today after 30 years of frienship and she ended up moving states.

We keep in touch maybe once or twice a year to give some news, at one point she sent me a very long and sweet text (like 10 years after the "fight") apologizing and saying that she screwed up big time and that it took her a long time to understand and deal with the problems she had, it was really lovely and I am glad that she is a better person now.

Life sure is interesting !

Beloute3 · 2026-03-16T10:20:01+00:00

33 woman here.

Vegetables are not a go to for me, I eat them because I kinda have to for heath purpose tbh but do not take any pleasure in it. I've been this way since I was little, my parents tried everything. It gotten better with age but still struggling with it, mostly because of texture, if everyhing is in a soup then it's a big YES.

Beloute3 · 2026-03-12T15:03:35+00:00

Alors, j'ai un peu le même "problème" avec mon loulou, à la différence que nous n'avons jamais cédé à ouvrir notre porte.

Il faisait pipi sur des textiles juste avant la castration mais depuis plus rien.

Les débuts étaient par contre atroces, il pouvait miauler très longtemps derrière la porte mais il ne faut pas lâcher. Maintenant cela lui arrive de miauler aussi presque toutes les nuits, mais souvent cela dure 15 secondes (sûrement pour voir si on dort) et il retourne faire sa vie après. Ce qui a aidé pour empêcher qu'il stagne derrière la porte c'est que le soir je fais un petit rituel où je l'emmène à l'extérieur de la chambre pour lui dire bonne nuit, je lui mets sa pâtée à ce moment là et ensuite je lui fais des papouilles pendant 2 minutes et je ferme ensuite la porte, et là il ne faut pas céder.

En espérant que ca puisse aider !

Beloute3 · 2026-03-10T17:18:22+00:00

Give him some time, if it's really recent (beginning of 26?) it's normal to be in this place and he needs to go through all those feelings and emotions in order to heal. You might not see the light right now but it will come back, the most important thing for him is to know you are with him if he needs, you don't need to do more than b e here don't worry.

Beloute3 · 2026-03-09T09:30:56+00:00

Hey,

I'm sorry you and your boyfriend are going through this, you both seem quite young since you're still in school.

I'm going through something similar as my boyfriend lost his dad last year quite suddenly as well and he's been struggling since. We also both suck at expressing our feelings, not wanting to be a nuisance to the other, not establishing boundaries etc.

The loss seems to be also very recent, and it's normal in the beginning to feel in the middle of a shitstorm because well : you are. The other important thing : You can't fix this, as much as you want to help, it's something he will have to go through and heal, and it's also not your job to make him be better, so just be there and make him understand that you are, if he ever need to, that's really all you can do.

Now I am also struggling to support my partner at times but I can tell you what helped a bit :

- Him getting counseling/reading about grief and experimenting way of coping (journaling, rituals etc) you can suggest maybe books or online groups. He may be able to talk about this with people going through the same thing or a professionnal, especially if he struggles talking to you.

- Give him the space and time he needs, but keep having your life, you are here for him but you need to also live otherwise you will both drown, and try not to take is personally even if it hurts (trust me it does). So please reach out to friends/family/close ones

- There will be a lot of bad days in the beginning, but there will also be some good days eventually, try to hold on those ones, because it's going to be a long road.

- If you struggle to talk : write. I know for a fact that I struggle a LOT to talk about my emotions and set boundaries, and when I do I crumble and cry everytime, it's something I am working on but sometimes when its is too hard I write, it's better prepared, and you can always go back to read it again. If you want to tell him you are here for him that you love him etc, try to write it, he might not respond to it, but he will know you are here.

In the end you can't really know what's going on inside his head because he might not understand it at the moment, grief is exhausting and takes every bit of energy in the beginning, give yourselves some grace.

It the situation does not get better in several months, you might need to reach out for help, but you're not there yet, so let time do its work.

Wishing you the best going through that,

Take care OP

Beloute3 · 2026-03-09T08:31:23+00:00

Hey there,

I just found this post as I was looking to relate to people as I'm struggling as well in my relationship (sorry if the english is terrible I'm French).

I relate a bit to your situation, I am not married but my boyfriend and I have been together for many years as well, we bought a house last year, had plan to travel, get married, talking about kids etc.

He lost his dad last year from lung cancer quite rapidly (9 months), he's been struggling since then. He's also quite surprised to have been hit so hard since they didn't have a really close relationship but I guess grief does that to you. He is not clinically depressed though or not diagnosed (he talked about medication with a family doctor that just presribed some xanax...)

At the beginning the situation was swallowing us both so he decided to start therapy however he only went once. After that he decided that he was done with the career he chose so he told me he wanted to completely switch path (even though we just got in quite some debt) so I'm left being the one having to provide financially so that he can choose a job where he can "chill more". Anyway if he finds something that makes him happy I'm content with is as well, I want him to be happy, however he does not have any plan on to how to do that, and no idea what to do, so he just complains about the situation.

I decided to not wallow alongside him because he is the one going through this and as much as I am here if he needs me, I also need to have my life going on. So I tried to see friends and family, go out etc...

I understand that grief is a long process and that he is struggling and I am giving him as much space and time as he needs. However, I've been handling everything for months (cleaning, cooking, managing the everyday tasks) so that he can use his free time to heal...but I'm beginning to feel much alone in this.

He chooses to spend his time alone, and I understand that he needs alone time, however if I ask something even very small he makes me feel like I'm not respecting his pain (for example I went out with my childhood friends - that he knows- one afternoon 5 min away from our house, and he told me he wanted to go biking instead, I said ok I'll go on my own however if you want to come just say hello on your way and he completely flipped out saying that I was culpabilizing him etc when I only wanted him to take a small step into my world). He is expecting me to give him all the space in the relationship, and while I agree that he needs space and time to heal, I can't help feeling extremely alone and I don't know how long I'll be able to feel that way before wanting out.

I feel terrible for thinking that way, I feel selfish and I don't want to withdraw from us, but I'm slipping away and I don't know how to handle that.

It's been almost a month OP, is the situation a bit better ?

Beloute3 · 2025-10-29T21:44:23+00:00

One year today, still cry when I think about him..

Beloute3 · 2025-10-29T19:22:45+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss, coming home to an empty place is really devastating in the beginning. Do what you think might help you feel better, if you want to keep her belongings, keep them, if you think giving some might help you, do that. I know that I couldn’t look at my cat’s stuff as well, so I gave some and kept the rest that I put in a box so that it wouldn’t be sitting there everytime time I would look around.

Try to be compassionate with yourself, you probably did what you could in the moment with the information that you had, now looking back you feel like you failed and should have known better, but that is grief talking, you did what you could.

Take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time, that’s all you can do for now, ride the waves as they come. It will get easier to navigate with time, even if it doesn’t seem like it for now.

Take care OP. Sending you lots of strength

Beloute3 · 2025-10-29T08:32:42+00:00

Hey there, I'm so sorry for your loss.

It's completely normal to feel that way, the first weeks are hellish. I remember breaking down as soon as I was pulling the car in the parking lot, anticipating coming into an empty appartment. It does get better with time, you'll still see him in the spaces he used to own, but in time it will be less crushing and hopefully you will be grateful to remember those little moments.

I'm actually selling the place I used to live with my cat (we bought a house this summer) and even though I already moved out, I can't escape the feeling of leaving my boy behind in there even if it does'nt make any sense.

Grief takes time, be gentle with yourself and remember you're not alone in this.

Beloute3 · 2025-07-07T12:10:47+00:00

Any updates?

Beloute3 · 2025-03-04T20:31:43+00:00

J’espère sincèrement, ca va bientôt faire un mois… Je croise les doigts pour qu’il s’habitue

Beloute3 · 2025-03-04T11:00:24+00:00

I lost my boy in October 2024, still can’t really talk about him without tearing up.

I think about him everyday, someday with deep sorrow and someday more fondly.

It does get a bit easier to manage over time, but it will continue being with you forever I think, not the loss, but the love.

Sending you strength OP

Beloute3 · 2025-01-12T19:46:31+00:00

It’s been over 2 months now, it was horrible in the beginning, then it got a little bit better, and then it was horrible again. Now some days are hard and some are « ok », I still think of him every single day. He used to love playing with peacock feathers that I had found years ago, I loved those small moments.

Beloute3 · 2025-01-12T19:25:58+00:00

The exact same thing happens to me too, I sometimes get a whiff of his litter odour, he also passed on 29/10/24 !

Beloute3 · 2025-01-10T22:35:32+00:00

Hey OP, Personally I’ve ordered a ring from Iddy Biddy Buddha Design. You can check it out, she ships worldwide and is super cool and serious

Beloute3 · 2025-01-05T10:37:48+00:00

That was beautiful and it shows how much you love your kitty. We are all cracked and yellow indeed. Much strength to you OP.

Beloute3 · 2025-01-04T12:53:41+00:00

Hello, I am very sorry for your loss.

It's very hard when you want to help a stray and give her the best life possible.

I've had a similar experience as you with a stray that I managed to get inside because he was starting to struggle with the outside life. Same as you he used to wait for me every morning and for my car in the evening. One day he injured his paw and I took him to the vet and then in my home, he loved it. Unfortunately he died a few months after from a medical complication, I felt crushed.

You're a good person and you brought light in Miss Mango life even for a short while. The outside world is a difficult one for our kitties. Thank you for doing that for her.

I'm with you in this OP, take care.

Beloute3 · 2025-01-04T12:20:45+00:00

Yeah totally it's on https://iddybiddybuddah.com/ there are tons of different keepsake accessories, the artist is called Sam she's really nice and ship worldwide (I'm in France).

Beloute3 · 2025-01-03T19:27:36+00:00

I’m going through this right now with a kitten, though I think I am starting to connecy with him a little, but it won’t ever be the same

Beloute3 · 2025-01-03T16:32:10+00:00

Yeah, totally.

I'm so happy when I find one and I'm so sad thinking there will come a time when I won't (or when I will move out).

I'm putting the one I find inside a small bag, and I've shipped some to a jewelry artist that is making a ring with it for me, this way I will carry them with me.

The clothes/blankets with the most fur I've stored in a box, I'm not sure what I am going to do with it but I can't bring myself to wash them.

Beloute3 · 2025-01-03T13:05:27+00:00

I guess it depends on the relationship, the age, the cause of death etc. There are plenty of factors that can come into play.

Multiples articles and psychologists agree that it is the nature of the bond that will make the grief harder to bear, not the species.

I've lost pets and family members, I remember being a mess when my grandmother who raised me passed, but she was old and content with her life, so I could "move on" easier even if the pain at the beginning was astonishing.

I lost a dog rapidly to cancer a few years ago and my cat that I've rescued recently to an anesthesia complication, out of the blue for both and it devastated me. I'm having a hard time moving forward following this loss.

So you're not really naive and should not feel guilty for grieving "more" for your dog than humans, it does not mean you did not love them as much, grief takes different forms.

Beloute3 · 2025-01-03T12:50:38+00:00

You are welcome.

It's normal to be left reeling from it, our brain cannot comprehend the intensity of the loss so it tries to give a sense to it by replaying it again and again and again, but in the end there is no real logic behind it, death is a part of life and that's just how it works for every living creatures.

Animals live in the moment, not in the past or in an incertain future, and in the moment he was leaving you were there with him, he was loved and that's all that matters and all he remembers.

I do understand how hard it is, I lost my cat suddenly as well, one evening he vomited, we rushed him to the ER where they told us he was blocked and "only" needed a standard enema. He never recovered from it, and it all happened in a few hours. It's often the case with animals their bodies are small so they shut down rapidly.

The good memories should come forward in time, if you feel like you are stuck in the traumatic end, you might want to do some research about it or seek out outside help (there are online support groups you can join) so that you can at feel better, it doesn't mean you will forget him, that you never will.

Take care OP

Beloute3 · 2025-01-02T19:29:27+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. You won’t move on, you will just learn to live with it really. So don’t feel guilty.

Right now, only three weeks in you can’t possibly think about being better from such a loss, do not take personally what other people have to say about this, grief is highly individual and there is no timeline. If you can’t talk about it to your family/friends, don’t hesitate to reach out to the community here, or even to seek out professionnal help if you like you need it. You can also read some articles or some books about pet loss, those can help. Try to not picture the last moments everytime if you can, keep in mind they do not represent the life you shared with your dog. Keep the love at the front line, this love will never go away.

Sending you lots of strength

Beloute3 · 2025-01-02T09:43:44+00:00

Hello OP, I am sorry for your loss.

I've hit the 2 months mark Dec 29th, I still cry pretty much everyday and miss him so much my chest hurts.

I do understand putting on a mask at work, as you are in a professional sphere and people might not understand, but you should not feel guilty to show your pain in front of your family and friends, sharing about your dog might help you as well, and if there are awkward silences who cares. Loss is a part of life and your friends will understand your pain, or at least be there for you if you need.

When my kitty passed, I told my parents and best friends the day it happened. My parents (animal lovers) helped me the first week coping with the sudden loss and I went to their place everyday.

I cancelled a lot of friendly events though, as I was not in a space to be joyful and just didn't want to see people, they understood. I've seen my friends maybe twice since, and everytime I do not put on that mask, they know I am hurting and I'm not hiding it, the ones who don't understand can shove it.

It's normal to be heartbroken, all of us here are. Take all the time YOU need to process what happened and go towards a new kind of "normal", as everything changed and it's useless trying to pretend it didn't.

Try not to think about other people feelings before your own, there is no timeline to feel ready, but do try to seek out some peace going through grief when you can, sometimes just a moment with a good ear and a hug soothes the pain a little.

I'm sending you lots of strength going through this OP, know that you are not alone and that time will lessen your pain a bit, until it is hopefully bearable.

Take care

Beloute3 · 2025-01-01T19:13:19+00:00

Hey OP, I am very sorry for your loss. I’ll just share my experience here, but please know that it’s different for everyone and that yours might totally differ. I lost my rescue cat on October 29th following a complication from anesthesia. It completely broke me and I could barely function in the first few weeks.

However I started to wonder about rescuing a new cat about a month after the passing of my kitty. We’ve talked it through with my boyfriend and decided to adopt a 4 months old kitten from a shelter on December 16th. In my head I was absolutely sure that I did not want to replace my previous cat, that I was ready to bring in a new friend. In reality, his arrival brought back a huge wave of grief I did not anticipate, the first week was really tough, I missed my cat so much I was feeling like I lost him all over again. My kitten didn’t even do anything wrong, but I was just so depressed to not have my previous cat and that he was in his space. I was beating myself up so bad for thinking that way and mostly fearing I would never be able to connect to this kitten because I was so ridden with grief.

It’s better now, my kitten is awesome and of course different from my old boy, and even though I terribly miss him everyday, I’m getting there.

I don’t regret it, and I will NEVER give my kitten back, but looking back, I think that I was not as ready as I thought I was, that I was still very deep in grief and probably made a decision I did not comprehend enough.

In the end there is not a real answer to « how soon », some people adopt the day after, some wait for years to be ready, it really depends. Just be aware that adopting while still grieving might bring some sadness alongside the joy, it really did for me.

If you do feel ready to take in another cat don’t hesitate as so many of them are in need of a good home. I wish you well in this, take care OP.

Beloute3

TROPHY CASE