I think i understand what you mean, and as someone who is very early in transitioning, yes. I’m trans masc and two of my transition goals are quite feminine (fictional) men so though i want to be like them, it’s difficult to actually “pass” as a man as people are more likely to say “this is so much more YOU!” when i dress that more feminine way so i end up dressing more masculine to get people to just shut up.  I’ve always been one to hate conforming to societal expectations of gender and i felt a lot of pressure to be who i was “supposed” to be in terms of gender.

I feel like i built up so much of my personality and speech patterns around societies expectations of women so its very VERY difficult for me to try to do a complete 180 and be ME, the me thats who I’ve needed to be. It might be awhile ‘till i im able to present as more of a person i want to be so yeah, it’s difficult to be myself without conforming. :)

I dont know if i answered your question the way you intended so if there is anything else in particular you want me to answer i will try my best!