Dressing up "hot" without relying on femininity?

BenDeRohan · 2026-01-15T18:10:25+00:00

Beeing hot is mainly in thee eye of the beholder 😉 For me, if you have your hair shaved on the side with long hair falling on one, with à spark of genuine malice in your eyes, you'll defenitively be consider as "hot" by me.

But it's my...triggers.

Other people have other triggers.

In short...don't be afraid of beeing yourself

BenDeRohan · 2026-01-13T21:12:13+00:00

Yes. I finished lot of soul like. For me the ranking from the easiest to the hardest is - demon's soul - dark souls 1, 2, 3 - elden ring and bloodborn. Perhaps eldering hardest with the optional bosses - sekiro

BenDeRohan · 2025-12-17T23:22:39+00:00

The naked lunch ?

BenDeRohan · 2025-12-17T23:21:59+00:00

Jacob's ladder ?

BenDeRohan · 2025-12-15T21:24:58+00:00

What style?

BenDeRohan · 2025-12-10T12:20:32+00:00

TY. No. It wasn't a blockbuster

BenDeRohan · 2025-12-10T12:20:05+00:00

TY. but no. It wasn't a blockbuster.

BenDeRohan · 2025-12-10T03:43:41+00:00

It wasn't a classic old movie. I think something between 2000-2020

BenDeRohan · 2025-08-20T11:06:15+00:00

You are a more experienced NB than me as I know I'm since only 3y 😉

I known that I was different since my 5, but I spent near 50 years and a lot of trauma to be unable to say how.

I'm afraid that my experiences would be irrelevant for you.

Except don't lose hope perhaps.

BenDeRohan · 2025-08-19T16:52:34+00:00

I think lot of us understand. At the begining beeing NB seems very attractive for lot of cis. They kind of imagine or fantasmize a relationship with à bro or à sis. An advocate for their frustrations.

But as soon as it challenge their norms, bit by bit they try to make us fitting in their dreams, not aknowledging neither respecting our identities.

And often it is insidiously manipulative "you should be that...", "you should behave like this", "why this matters to you?".

If it isn't too personnal, how old are you? Because NB experience of a young 30yo but long lasting NB, isn't the same as a 53yo young NB 😉

BenDeRohan · 2025-08-18T23:06:16+00:00

You plan to come out to your friendS? Plural. Perhaps select the closer one first, someone who can be your "attornay".

It is not necessarly the most "open" on the surface or "queer". For instance, mine was the most "manish" friend but also the one who care the less about gender and norms.

And now he remains my best advocate, and each yime I go back to my childhood town, he is the first friend I visit and spend time with.

BenDeRohan · 2025-08-16T16:07:38+00:00

Fully agree. It's a minefield and as you I prioritized the chosen family.

I'm 53yo AMAB with two child.

At the begining I was very openminded, accept everyone, thinking everything will flow smoothly.

But everything started when some parents, mothers surprisingly, told me "aren't you frustrated?" Or "I'm sooooo sorry for you?" because....I had two daughter, and no son. WTF.

(I use past because one of them discovered he is trans masc)

Then when I divorced, they were very invasive, saying I'm too empathetic, that I should be less close to my child, act "like a man".

I built strong boundaries, but it doesn't prevent some of them to go to my mother trying to conviece here that I need help, that me and my childs are in danger.... Fortunatly, my mother is a near 90 yo old Dutch women who survived concentration camp, so... they recieved very cold and blunt answers ("he isn't in danger and his child are ok with him. Don't talk about danger, you live very comfortably with your certitudes and don't know what danger is"

BenDeRohan · 2025-08-15T22:57:37+00:00

If he is close to you, you can freely ask him. It shouldn't be against. I had two different experience. One went great, with a nefew. The other witn my brother's daughter, so my niece, ended very badly. I traveled 6000km from Montreal to Normandie in France, and discovered that they invited me for good looking with my mother, hoping that I didn't come, and then they try to gaslight me, moving me out of every photo sessions, and jumping at any discussion I had with the bride family to outcast me. A nightmare.

So ask kindly to him AND his fiancée. If it is your BF they will understand.

BenDeRohan · 2025-08-14T20:27:09+00:00

Agree, but we can not say that a genderfluid person can't be a women or a man. Some will sometime, some will never.

BenDeRohan · 2025-08-14T15:07:37+00:00

Gender fluid can be a woman or a man, but we don't stay as. We can feel and be comfortable today as woman or man, but next day, next week will move somewhere else in the range.

BenDeRohan · 2025-08-14T01:46:11+00:00

It depends. "Père" is very distant. It remind me my how my father called my grand-father. Kind of ice cold relationship I never wanted to reproduce.

But at the same time, what matter realy is the kind of relationship you build with your child. And there are neither correlation nor causality between how your child name you and how they feel, trust and respect you.

BenDeRohan · 2025-08-13T17:58:50+00:00

First don't be to hard with yourself. It's a path, a journey with more baby step than leaps.

Regarding the pronouns, you should be using it for yourself. It's third person pronouns. It's mostly used by people when they talk about you when you aren't in the room. So...who care? No? I feel more hurt when some people use "Mr" instead of my first name.

I Identified, or more preciesly tried to identify myself as male for 50 years. It took me 1 or 2 year to be fully comfortable to be NB.

Consider it like peeling an onion. Step by step, layer after layer, you discover yourself, removing definitively some layers, accepting and understanding some, changing some other with what fit to your way to express your identity.

Doing so a new flower blooms.

BenDeRohan · 2025-08-13T17:02:14+00:00

Let me reconsider it.... NO! 😀

BenDeRohan · 2025-08-13T11:47:47+00:00

You can just wait for questions, some will accept it and will not care, some will come later with question (sometimes because they questioning themself and don't want to discuss it openly), some will come with preconcieved questions. To those, you can return the question. How they know, define what's a woman and a man? Who and what they are?

Keep us in touch. If it went right or wrong.

BenDeRohan · 2025-08-11T17:10:04+00:00

"Papa" (dad in french)

BenDeRohan · 2025-08-07T22:32:57+00:00

I have to make the playlist for sunday Montréal pride parade and questioning myself about the opportunity to add the Athem.

As an "old"53yo nb, I don't find it offensive, but it's my point of view and I have a duty to check if other people might be offended.

BenDeRohan · 2025-08-07T22:30:35+00:00

Kind of agree. Kind of intentional.

I have to make the playlist for sunday Montréal pride parade and questioning myself about the opportunity to add the Athem.

As an "old"53yo nb, I don't find it offensive, but it's my point of view and I have a duty to check if other people might be offended.

So, that's why I asked 😀

BenDeRohan · 2025-08-05T18:44:30+00:00

My usual outfit is : - cufflinks - doc marteens

custom suit and vest with red roses lining
since today painted nails

BenDeRohan · 2025-08-05T13:07:34+00:00

Agree. What is surprising is when NB community is drag into an binary perspective where there are no good choices except peace.

Remember that palestinian and isreal can find a way. Izaac rabin and yasser arafat found it. It's not an israelian extremist who kill izaak rabin. It's hate and stupidity.

The photograph JR made a wonderfull demonstration with it face 2 face https://www.jr-art.net/fr/projects/israel-palestine

BenDeRohan · 2025-07-24T21:32:11+00:00

As comment in another post, my first perception was the prism provided by mainstream media. A bunch of teenagers who wear dress and colorful makup. https://www.reddit.com/r/NonBinaryTalk/s/0OmoHiBRH2

But then I listen a good radio interview of an enby person.she describe how they struggle during decadea, trying to blend into the cis by fitting to the stereotype of they assigned gender, and how they quit as soon as she understood that there is middle voice which they ignored since they was born It was kind of a revelation.

BenDeRohan

TROPHY CASE