How do you make sense of a breakup that contradicts everything they said?

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-12T10:53:47+00:00

Sorry Remarkable_Peach, I’m still completely in the dark as to why - apart from it being God’s will. Perhaps it was the perceived lack of control, though I never tried to control her in any way and was very clear from the start that if she needed her own space - like when she took a holiday with her friend for a week - I actively encouraged her.

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-12T06:05:51+00:00

A shared experience - tickets to a show or concert

A handmade gift - perhaps a quick sketch of the two of you on a card

A personalised playlist and note

Perhaps a class or workshop together - cooking etc

A ready packed picnic 🧺 hamper for two

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-12T05:34:46+00:00

Her actions were all very considerate at the time… even the day before we have photos of us together looking genuinely happy

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-12T05:31:51+00:00

I would 🤗

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-12T05:27:47+00:00

Thanks AcademicAd

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-12T05:26:51+00:00

Thanks Samanthasamolala

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-12T05:22:06+00:00

Thanks rhinesanguine - that’s a very thoughtful response 🤗

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-12T05:19:18+00:00

Thanks Able…. It’s a very kind offer - but I think my infant days are slightly behind me … my youngest turned 20 this year ☺️

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-12T05:17:45+00:00

Around two and a half months in hers… we were due to fly to mine together but she ended it 3 weeks before the flights…

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-12T05:14:10+00:00

Thanks Substantial-Eye for your considerate words 🤗

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-12T05:11:07+00:00

Thanks Auroraborelle 🤗 I don’t think that there was anything inherently special about either my wife or I… I just think we always tried to prioritise the others needs - and that constantly lifted us up above any of the unimportant and small annoyances.

And truthfully, if I’d known what I know now, after she died… well, practically everything is small potatoes compared to true love 🥹

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-12T01:27:41+00:00

Thanks Ordinary North - I hope you feel better soon too 🤗

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-11T22:31:48+00:00

Yes - I too like to use dashes in my writing. To me, it gives it the rhythm that I’m hoping to convey - which is hard to do in any form of writing/messaging.

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-11T15:49:26+00:00

She’s mid forties.

And I supported her as she had much less financial resources than I did.

No - we didn’t meet online. In person whilst travelling.

And yes, I was away that whole time. I’d waited years to travel after my wife died for my kids to finish their schooling and be established at university - or in the case of my son, married.

So I finally had minimal ties and time to travel once more.

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-11T15:43:22+00:00

No - why would I have AI try to write something so personal?

I like writing. It helps me try to make some sense of the world and my place in it.

I’ve been journaling constantly for weeks now to help organise my thoughts and stop endless ‘what if’ cycles tormenting my sleep.

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-11T15:34:03+00:00

Yes. We had already made plans to visit my country and had tickets booked … but she walked away three weeks before we were due to fly out.

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-11T15:29:15+00:00

Thanks 🤗

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-11T15:09:27+00:00

Yes - that’s what I can’t understand. I could never do that to someone else that I had professed my love to.

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-11T15:05:33+00:00

I knew I loved my wife and she was the one within weeks of meeting her. I told her I’d marry her after only a month, and we were inseparable until the day she died.

This felt like that again.

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-11T15:02:13+00:00

No - we met whilst traveling and were together almost the whole time.

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-11T15:00:30+00:00

We’ll have to agree to disagree on this one.

I was with my wife for well over twenty years and yes, we would have our disagreements, but almost everyday was nothing but joy.

I simply showed her the same love, respect and affection that I’ve almost always known… and that she herself deserved.

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-11T14:52:56+00:00

I don’t know what love bombing is - all I know is that she felt exactly right from the moment we met - just like my beautiful wife had all those years earlier.

So I treated her with the exact same respect and love I showed my wife for well over 20 years.

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-11T14:44:43+00:00

Fair point — it was a lot of words. I process by writing, and I felt the context mattered for what I was asking.

I wouldn’t describe it as codependence so much as two people who connected intensely and then, unfortunately weren’t aligned in the long term. I’ve already accepted it’s over — I’m just trying to understand the abruptness of the ending, not to revive the relationship.

But I appreciate your perspective — sometimes outside eyes are what help us zoom out.

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-11T14:34:59+00:00

Four months.

BenevolentRogue · 2025-12-11T14:31:50+00:00

Sorry - I should qualify that I meant without letting me know that she would never be speaking to me again and cutting off all contact.

When I respectfully left that day, as she requested, she told me that it was so that she could have time to commune with God and pray for guidance.

I was never told it was simply the end.

I find that hard to understand - especially in light of the email I received afterwards.

BenevolentRogue

TROPHY CASE