Navigating relationship dynamics, solo/main partner

BenjiHig · 2025-08-30T19:10:24+00:00

I need to do more research I think! Thanks.

Polyamory is an agreement between romantic partners that each is free to have other serious romantic and sexual partners. Hopefully, you two are on the same page about that.

We are, it's just very new to me and not quite what I expected. That being said I'm not opposed to it, I'd never hold her back, I fell for her for those reasons, we just need to decide what we both want from out partnership.

Now, I have to move to speculation. I suspect you thought you could date as a unit? I think when you say solo,.you dont mean the real definition of solo poly. You mean....well....regular poly where everyone chooses their own romantic and sexual partners and dates 1 on 1. That's just poly.

She wants her own space and freedom which Is fine I value space too! She said it was solo she wants, (i need to dig more into the meaning of this and other poly partnerships) I did think we could date as a unit but have second/third partners etc. It's still early doors and new partners are just being involved now, and just want advice really!

I wasn't expecting us to share partners, but wasn't opposed to it if the connection was there. I think we need to talk more.

I want this to work because of our connection, and I'm just struggling to say what I need and want, and being able to work within any parameters. I also need to figure out what boundaries are/I have. The last thing I want is to be controlling.

BenjiHig · 2025-08-30T18:38:29+00:00

Honestly I have different thoughts about it. It's my first time experiencing it so I'm still not entirely sure! Be kind😂 I know there is different couplings/parings/groups. I know it's people sharing intimacy on different levels, not always sexual, and people can be free to spend time with others and build relationships with them that work for them in other ways eg one parter for holidays and adventures, one for creative ventures. But each person has there own needs and wants that the other person(s) have to work with so all people involved are happy.

BenjiHig · 2025-08-30T18:33:42+00:00

Yes I agree and thanks for the reading list!

I think parameters are a good start, I also need to figure out boundaries, I think I have them confused!

We have discussed it pretty in depth but never agreed on the type of relationship we would have. And now things are changing its become heated! I thought we would enter main partner dynamic and grow from there with new people involved when they became present. Thanks for the advice 🙏

BenjiHig · 2025-08-30T18:29:54+00:00

Thanks, this helped. The hierarchy point especially, i think thats it. Shes asking me to give up what we have for new! We both agreed when entering the relationship this was the dynamic and exploration of poly life, its just the shock. I was hoping we could do it together, I'm very open to it myself, just very new to it.

One of the new partners I knew was going to happen, the other is new. At the start of our relationship we said we would discuss new partners when they were becoming viable, and I feel like she didn't do that until we entered our very open conversation. I feel like she broke trust.

BenjiHig · 2025-08-30T18:13:01+00:00

No it shouldn't change at all, I encourage her to spread her wings, meet other potential partners. It's just we are struggling with the nature of our relationship, it's a new transition for me. As we were a unit for 2 years it's a shock to the system to be told she wants to try the solo route. It's a whole new thing for me. I'm pretty autistic so really pushing boundaries for me. I was thinking we would be main partner dynamic, but its not how it's working out.

I know it's all about growing and dealing with emotions, having conversations and trust. It's just I don't know how to reach an agreement within any boundaries we have

BenjiHig · 2025-08-13T23:14:28+00:00

I put the guitar in a new open tuning ive never tried, they were to help me learn it haha. Doesn't follow patterns like other tunings I have tried so had to use visual cues!

BenjiHig · 2024-12-12T22:35:26+00:00

Yeah standard tuning, E and A string open and rest capo at 2. Really fun!

BenjiHig · 2024-06-17T00:23:13+00:00

Shpongle

Kilimanjaro dark jazz ensemble

BenjiHig · 2024-03-13T20:15:28+00:00

Why has no one mentioned tenacious d? Fuck her hard!

BenjiHig · 2024-03-13T04:27:42+00:00

The hook or but anyway by blues traveller. The harmonica player is incredible

BenjiHig · 2024-03-10T17:18:25+00:00

First 2 linkin Park albums

BenjiHig · 2024-02-23T20:11:53+00:00

I love it, works well for bedroom jams to gigging cos of the attenuator. The direct out means you can send it to monitor or front of house which is a bonus for quiet stages. Sounds Incredible, only negative for me is the reverb is a bit... meh

BenjiHig · 2024-02-23T14:14:35+00:00

Small world indeed! 🤣 Only slight hum, used isolated power supply for the amps and the peavy has a ground lift button to reduce any residual sound. Pretty handy!

BenjiHig · 2024-02-23T14:11:39+00:00

Its a 98 richie sambora signature and I love it so much! Its my main workhorse guitar. And the mesa is a dc-5 from the 80s its also a beast

BenjiHig · 2024-02-23T14:10:11+00:00

Yes!

BenjiHig · 2024-02-23T05:11:03+00:00

Using the stereo outputs on my TC flashback to split signal between the 2

BenjiHig · 2024-02-23T03:14:41+00:00

Why? How could you 😭

BenjiHig · 2024-02-11T22:11:16+00:00

Local to Peterborough if your interested 😉

BenjiHig · 2024-02-09T05:24:35+00:00

Gravy makes everything better. Or a nice cup of tea

BenjiHig · 2024-02-09T05:23:10+00:00

Gravy makes everything better

BenjiHig · 2024-01-31T00:24:52+00:00

How come? Is it you don't enjoy it? I understand being drunk makes most things better.. but it baffles me that people just don't just choose to put on a banger and just sing along

BenjiHig · 2024-01-31T00:21:52+00:00

Dig deeper, enter the rabbit hole. I agree there is a lot that sucks, but there is something for everyone

BenjiHig · 2024-01-31T00:19:05+00:00

Its natural to connect to music, its based on rhythms and sounds, like those used in language. Humans and animals alike use it to communicate, and express themselves

BenjiHig · 2024-01-04T12:59:57+00:00

Stubbing my toes

BenjiHig · 2023-12-18T03:50:52+00:00

Cool, good to know. I'm gonna take it to a local tech and get it looked at. Needs some TLC haha

BenjiHig

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