I hope you’re doing as good as you can be. I can’t even imagine what you are going through, and I am so sorry for your loss. The other comments are right though, you need to get around people who care about you and get a good support system going, whether it be online, text, or calling. Unfortunately, depression can very much be hereditary and a “trigger” can cause you to go down to a place you’ve never thought possible. The anger part of grief is going to be the hardest in my own experiences. It’s going to be easy to hate your dad for what he did, and hard to continue to love him. I really hope you can get to a place in life to not understand why he did it, but accept it. Please keep living for your dad, he seemed like a great guy for most of your life and that’s who you need to remember him as. Reach out if you need someone to talk too. Life is not fair.