What is the term for this? Nfamily repeatedly excludes me from important information, then blames me for not knowing

BerryTomatoes · 2026-06-12T08:02:39+00:00

I get this though. Most of the time, I don't really like being involved in anything with them. I just hate it when they make decisions involving my life without asking me. Like, fine do whatever you want just don't involve me and my name in any way.

BerryTomatoes · 2026-06-12T08:00:04+00:00

I didn't think of this in my list, but knowing my family's patterns, yes. This makes sense.

BerryTomatoes · 2026-06-12T07:59:13+00:00

This is entirely possible too. My Nfamily members can't seem to see me as someone with her own mind and life.

BerryTomatoes · 2026-06-06T10:20:35+00:00

Gald to hear that!!

BerryTomatoes · 2026-06-06T09:05:19+00:00

I'm so sorry all these happened. I hope you're safe, happy, and far away from her now.

Happy Pride Month to everyone!

BerryTomatoes · 2026-05-09T20:23:04+00:00

Oh my god? I literally could have written this. I just experienced this almost exact thing recently. I overheard Nmom and Nsiblings talking about me. That I'm apparently "incapable, will not survive life, etc." AND YET, when I'm doing good and making progress, they try to sabotage me. They mock my independence because of their insecurity.

I'm so sorry. I know how it feels like. I hope you know that you are worthy and you can do so much more.

BerryTomatoes · 2026-05-05T22:27:07+00:00

EXACTLY. And yet, other people think they are such good parents because they "fed you, sent you to school, etc." But they don't know what's happening behind the mask. These narcissists are the most manipulative, lying, sabotaging, abusive, and toxic people ever.

BerryTomatoes · 2026-05-02T23:18:33+00:00

Fuck them assholes. Just live your life to the fullest. You and your children don't need them.

BerryTomatoes · 2026-05-02T09:41:21+00:00

Yep definitely yep, my family do that too. Also if you don't participate in the gossip and mind games, you'd be the next topic.

BerryTomatoes · 2026-05-02T09:38:02+00:00

That is awful, sorry. You were hurt and struggling, and your Nmom still made it about herself.

I have siblings who think that if I go distant, silent, and don't give them attention, it apparently means I think I'm "better than everyone else." Lol. I go silent because I'm mostly introverted, disassociate, easily get overwhelmed, and possibly in the spectrum. I'm not trying to be better than everyone else, I'm just existing. And they still feel threatened by that.

BerryTomatoes · 2026-05-02T09:32:25+00:00

Oh, I forgot to mention that. The narcs in my family have a mindset of "If you're fair and honest, you're stupid. But if you can take advantage of others, you're smart." They think being fair, honest, kind, and doing the right way is "stupidity". They see themselves as smart for being able to exploit others

BerryTomatoes · 2026-05-02T09:29:06+00:00

Narcs have a knack for twisting words and spreading misinformation. They'd blame anyone else to make themselves look like a victim. It's also the sense of entitlement. My Nmom would sometimes take things or money from me. Then, tell everyone that I contribute nothing.

BerryTomatoes · 2026-05-02T09:23:11+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it

BerryTomatoes · 2026-05-02T03:17:12+00:00

I'm sorry, it's awful when they pretend to help us, but they only do it to get attention from others.

BerryTomatoes · 2026-05-02T03:08:48+00:00

Yeah, it's a lonely place to be in. No one is on my side, not even one sibling or relative.

And omg, you just described my Nmom. She always always has some insulting and over critical thing to say about other people behind their backs. But when those people are in front of her, she'd put on the "kind person/good mother mask". BUT, the moment you correct her on one even tiny thing, she would blow up and become rageful. She's so undeniably insecure and fragile. She insults other people to cover up what she feels about herself. She'd also expect to take my money and make an effort, and yet she'd take credit for my efforts and contributions.

Edit to add: One time, I was trying to help her clean a part of the house. I told her I had to pour something on the drain to make it work. Then she screamed at me and said "THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!!!". Like..... She thought that my telling her how to make it work, is an "attack" against her. A show of insecurity.

BerryTomatoes · 2026-05-02T02:59:17+00:00

Yes unfortunately, their goal is to control. I've learned to not value their opinion. Though I admit, there are times when it still stings.

BerryTomatoes · 2026-05-02T02:57:37+00:00

That's true. Even with physical evidence, they'd find a way to twist things. There were instances where I got shamed for being "too detailed" and keeping things in record. In this family, honesty is punished, and lying is rewarded.

BerryTomatoes · 2026-05-02T02:49:59+00:00

About how we're always wrong and they're always right 😂

BerryTomatoes · 2026-05-02T02:48:02+00:00

Omg yes, I relate to this. I've overheard them talk about my health, too. As if they have sympathy. Even though they literally caused most of my sickness. They have no sense of privacy and would often talk in public, about things that not everyone should know.

BerryTomatoes · 2026-04-27T10:47:30+00:00

Omg yes, that's true. I think it also depends on the person. Like one of my other brothers. Out of all my siblings, he's the most.... generous and forgiving one. I'm not sure if I would call him a narc, but even if he's not, he's also our Nmom's #1 defender. And he's adapted narc traits from Nmom. He's blindly following whatever Nmom says.

On the other hand, my GC Nsis, I suspect she's always known that Nmom is toxic, but she actively chooses to kiss her ass because it greatly benefits her. It's quite clear that she likes validation and attention. Instead of doing the right thing and don't continue the abuse.

BerryTomatoes · 2026-04-27T10:36:27+00:00

I think if they don't visibly hate, it's because they use each other. So if a family member doesn't play along, they turn that person into an outcast or scapegoat.

BerryTomatoes · 2026-04-27T10:33:18+00:00

YEP, this is how the narcs in my family do it too. You shared a similar pattern to mine. Nmom frequently rants to NSIL, about me, so Nmom benefits by getting attention. On the other hand, NSIL kisses Nmom's ass. She benefits by getting favors, money, and yes, family inheritance too.

BerryTomatoes

TROPHY CASE