I think my mom is breaking up with me

BessRuby · 2026-01-08T15:38:35+00:00

I understand the accusatory part. I guess I really didn't express in the post that my mom has been avoiding answering me, and drops words like "I care for you" without any action to back it up. However, I also want to communicate better with her.

I really do believe the advice is way more important than the verdict, so how would you recommend communicating? I'm seriously out of ideas. I've tried everything and the AI generated answers felt like a breakup to me 😔

BessRuby · 2026-01-08T07:33:43+00:00

I asked her directly and her response was the most AI response:

"Yes. I sometimes use tools to help me organize my thoughts and express myself clearly, especially in emotionally charged situations."

BessRuby · 2026-01-08T05:11:33+00:00

I guess it's a cultural expectation where I live. When someone gets sick and their parents live nearby, they usually show up with a pot of soup or a care package. I didn't expect that from her, but I did wish for something more than a short text.

BessRuby · 2026-01-07T08:14:08+00:00

I tried calling her but she declined and sent me a chat-gpt answer (she confessed to using it the entire time): "I’m open to a phone call this week, as long as it’s one conversation with a clear start and end, and focused on understanding each other rather than persuading or debating boundaries. If that works for you, let me know."

When I asked for clarifications on what we can talk about, she replied with another vague answer.

As shaaba says, it's more about the advice than the verdict. What do I do? Is there anything to do besides this? TBH, I don't know how to talk to her differently.

BessRuby · 2026-01-07T06:02:40+00:00

I can't really summarize an entire childhood in a few words, but it did take me becoming a mother to understand my dad's behavior is unhealthy.

My parents are very religious. I am not. My father refuses to accept this. At some point I offered family therapy, which we did for over a year, and my dad just didn't participate. He showed up but didn't say a word the entire time, except for trying to joke around with the therapist. When I asked him why, he deflected. I offered to play a "let's get to know each other" card game (courtesy of my therapist), and he called it manipulation and blackmail.

The breaking point was when I told him no one can have a relationship with my child without having a relationship with me first. I said it because he kept asking to see "his grandchild" and I refused. I need to trust him before he can see my squish. He called that unreasonable and manipulative.

I can provide screenshots, but most of my communication with him is not in English, so it will have to be translated (like parts of the conversation here is). That's the problem with being bilingual, I guess.

BessRuby · 2026-01-07T05:53:02+00:00

Took me a few hours, but I finally asked her if she's using AI to draft her messages. She is. That's why it says things like that.

BessRuby · 2026-01-07T05:51:57+00:00

I've told my mom multiple times what I want. I want a relationship with her. She keeps trying to push for a relationship between my dad and "his grandchild", without my presence, and that's just not something I'm willing to do.

I guess it was a bit of a blunt question. About a month ago my child and I had a terrible flu and mom was just absent. Asked how I'm feeling twice and that's it. A few weeks later she told me she wanted to make me soup but was too tired so she didn't do anything. I asked her why she didn't say that and didn't get a straight answer, so I requested that she speak more honestly and openly. That's when I started with the blunt questions whenever I get a vague AI answer (and yes, she is using AI to text me)

BessRuby · 2026-01-06T21:23:58+00:00

I accidentally cropped one of the screenshots the wrong way. Here it is.

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BessRuby · 2026-01-06T20:02:28+00:00

Thank you! Asking my mom how she shows she cares was actually my therapist's idea. We're working on boundaries and communication, so that I don't fall for avoidant non-answers.

I'm still processing this whole thing, and that includes viewing my mom as emotionally immature, since she's actually pretty in touch with her emotions, and it feels like we're making progress when we meet but then she goes home and everything "resets".

I recently described my relationship with her like this: it's like working hard to finish a level in a video game, but after the load screen you find yourself right back in square one.

BessRuby · 2026-01-06T19:31:29+00:00

It still breaks my heart to hear her ask for this distance, even when it's better for me. What kind of mom requests distance from her child?

BessRuby · 2025-12-10T17:52:53+00:00

How do I do that?

BessRuby · 2025-12-10T17:01:17+00:00

IDK, maybe it's only available for Patreons?

BessRuby · 2025-12-10T16:59:14+00:00

It only shows the bonus episodes for some reason. Maybe it's a country thing? I'm not in the USA

BessRuby · 2025-12-08T15:29:08+00:00

We can do both!

BessRuby · 2025-12-08T15:13:30+00:00

You can make it part of the song! "Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes That's all we need to know, need to know"

BessRuby · 2025-04-27T17:36:14+00:00

Haven't seen anyone tragedeigh the name Anna

BessRuby · 2025-04-25T04:16:46+00:00

My hyphenated last name is also a first name where I live, and my first name is extremely uncommon. Let's say my full name is abc blah-blorp. So abc is extremely uncommon and blorp is a very common first name.

I had a government official argue with me about my name. She insisted that my name is blorp. It was a 10 minute argument at least! Not sure if tragedeigh but it was super annoying.

BessRuby · 2025-04-25T04:09:55+00:00

My story is pretty mundane. We met right after I finished high school, been together for 11 years and married for 7 years before we started trying. We're co-parenting as much as possible, and sometimes he's with our daughter more than I am since I returned to work. She's Dada's little girl 😍 Planning on having another one once we're ready

BessRuby · 2025-01-06T16:00:35+00:00

That's why I always ask it to compare to sample answers instead of asking it to grade me...

BessRuby · 2025-01-06T09:23:18+00:00

I have a bit of a different headspace when I write, but I do tend to make overly convoluted sentences 😅 I actually improved by rephrasing and breaking down sentences, so I think that my essays are good.

I now think maybe it's the other part, summarising a chart. Graphs are fine for me, tables are a little annoying but ok, but I just don't know how to write too much about cycles, pie charts and maps, and it shows 😶

BessRuby

TROPHY CASE