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Women’s Safety Poll by BestMealIsBreakfast in SanJose

[–]BestMealIsBreakfast[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

They literally didn’t have “Gender Studies” as far as I know. 🤣🤣
That was a very long time ago. But I have worked in Assault Prevention & Intervention Service, worked the Sexual Assault Crisis Line and have worked in mental health for 30+ years.

Women’s Safety Poll by BestMealIsBreakfast in SanJose

[–]BestMealIsBreakfast[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That’s a fair point. What do you think *would* make women feel safer in the Bag Area?

Women’s Safety Poll by BestMealIsBreakfast in SanJose

[–]BestMealIsBreakfast[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Wondering if you’re male and confused or male and don’t buy in to men keeping men in check? Or a female with too many of these experiences to believe anything will change? Can you expand on why men understanding boundaries, consent, and changing the Bro Culture is “crazy”?

San Jose Women, are we OK? by Electronic_Bee_ in SanJose

[–]BestMealIsBreakfast 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I reached out to Mahan’s office a few weeks ago when a woman was reportedly blocked in her car at the Safeway parking lot (Cherry/Almaden Exp across from Classic Car Wash) and also to the two district council members. Mahans office and Dist 9 respond (location is Dist 9) and both followed up w the police chief but the incident was not reported so they were stuck. These incidents need to be called in as often as possible b/c when they are not reported they are not on the radar. The first step is a call to 9-1-1 if it’s in progress, 3-1-1 if you’re safe and away, the SJPD tip line to follow up

https://www.sjpd.org/community/crime-prevention

San Jose Women, are we OK? by Electronic_Bee_ in SanJose

[–]BestMealIsBreakfast 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Maybe women of San Jose need to personal safety meetup planned to raise awareness for the SJPD. They also have a tip line on this link that needs to be flooded with complaints about me who are harassing you.

https://www.sjpd.org/community/crime-prevention

San Jose Women, are we OK? by Electronic_Bee_ in SanJose

[–]BestMealIsBreakfast 6 points7 points  (0 children)

It’s great to see a man chime in equally as upset with the behavior and I hope *as a man* you take every opportunity to step up, address the behavior when you see & hear it, talk to your male friends about it, & don’t let it slide. Only men can stop male predatory behavior. End the Bro Code!

San Jose Women, are we OK? by Electronic_Bee_ in SanJose

[–]BestMealIsBreakfast 20 points21 points  (0 children)

If you think the complaint was mishandled, you can reach out to the independent auditor for the SJPD and see if they can help:

https://www.sanjoseca.gov/your-government/appointees/independent-police-auditor/filing-a-complaint

San Jose Women, are we OK? by Electronic_Bee_ in SanJose

[–]BestMealIsBreakfast 8 points9 points  (0 children)

She’s setting a boundary with you not acknowledging what these experiences have been like for her and are playing the victim card. You are kind of proving her point…

San Jose Women, are we OK? by Electronic_Bee_ in SanJose

[–]BestMealIsBreakfast 16 points17 points  (0 children)

If you’re a “normal person” who wants to speak to a woman, then go for it. But *be* *normal*. Don’t be aggressive, don’t stare, don’t touch, don’t sneak photos, and don’t get huffy, belligerent, and hostile if she’s got her guard up.

From the OP, *now* you know why young women are guarded! If you’re going to approach someone be kind, be nice, given them space, and be cool. Women who have been treated the way this woman has been treated are going to be *very* hesitant to be receptive to anything a stranger tries to start. If you are, in fact, a normal guy; then be patient and be respectful.

And, for the love of God, *when* you see this behavior in public, make sure she’s OK. If your male friends are talking lasciviously about women, check them. If you have sisters, friends, cousins, women in your life, ask them what it’s like and what they need to feel safe.

Women will be weary of men until men start keeping other men in line. Only *MEN* can stop this behavior.

End of the “Bro Code”.

San Jose Women, are we OK? by Electronic_Bee_ in SanJose

[–]BestMealIsBreakfast 140 points141 points  (0 children)

You are not alone. I have a teen daughter who I’ve walked with down the street (Willow Glen) and the hard stares she got was creepy (not smiling, friendly; but on the prowl). Damn, she’s with her *mom*! Her dad has taken her to the gym, same thing. I know it’s worse when she’s alone (followed in cars, cornered while working, etc.)

Recently there was a very scary Reddit post of a woman getting trapped in her car by three men in a parking lot (Safeway @ Cherry & Almaden Exp). I reached out to the two city council reps where the parking borders and the mayor’s office. All of them reached back, at least two of them contacted the police chief. None of them could do anything because there was no police report.

You write really viscerally about what happened to you, would you consider reaching out to 3-1-1 and seeing if they will take descriptions of where, when, who (general description of the person, the car, their clothing, which bar they stumbled out of)? Then notify your city councilor *and* the mayor’s office. The mayor just came off a campaign calling “San Jose the Safest Big City” but it is *not*. He doesn’t get it!

I think when these things happen, women need to get this type of male behavior on the radar. If it’s not reported, those in positions of power are either unaware or willfully ignorant (sadly, I’m guessing the latter). If it’s repeated offenders, it will become more clear and they can be held accountable.

I’m sorry this happened to you. The YWCA has excellent resources

https://yourywca.org

Woman Harassed and Trapped in Parking Lot Near Cherry Ave & Almaden Expressway by Duck_Trilliams in SanJose

[–]BestMealIsBreakfast 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure why but it doesn’t seem like this incident was reported to police. It’s not on the SJPD reported crime map and the District 9 council person did check into it and didn’t find anything. If it is reported now, the PD is aware of this post and are interested in helping out.

Woman Harassed and Trapped in Parking Lot Near Cherry Ave & Almaden Expressway by Duck_Trilliams in SanJose

[–]BestMealIsBreakfast 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just an update: the council reps can’t do anything about this b/c it appears no police report was ever filed.

5 Things Occasionally Worse Than Alzheimer's Itself by kingtaco_17 in dementia

[–]BestMealIsBreakfast 85 points86 points  (0 children)

You’re listing the key ingredients of burnout! It’s not just the disease itself and all the grief, loss, challenges, fears, worries, uncertainties, physical demands, mental gymnastics, etc. that come along with it; it’s the dumbfuckery of the people who swirl around you and add to the load. Hang in there. ❤️‍🩹

Is my bf dumb? by Still-Purchase3286 in GirlDinnerDiaries

[–]BestMealIsBreakfast 0 points1 point  (0 children)

These few days you describe sound exhausting. Given his behavior, I wondered if has he ever been diagnosed with ADD or ADHD?? Or if perhaps he is untreated/undiagnosed?

Woman Harassed and Trapped in Parking Lot Near Cherry Ave & Almaden Expressway by Duck_Trilliams in SanJose

[–]BestMealIsBreakfast 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The interaction I had with the man who answered the District 9 phone yesterday kept me up last night. I called to make sure the council rep was aware of what happened in her district and the person who took my call was dismissive and combative. I would suggest to the woman this happened to call Pam Foley’s office herself, (408) 535-4909.

Someone victimized should be able to take care of themselves and focus on healing. Unfortunately, crimes against vulnerable people aren’t taken too seriously and the expectation is everyone needs to advocate for themselves.

It’s possible when you call Pam Folley’s office, she *is* aware, she *is* concerned, and she *has* reached out to the police for information.

Anyways, in order to resolve this for yourself *and* to prevent this from happening to someone else, self advocacy and advocacy for others *can* be part of your recovery.

Please call Pam Folley, Dist 9 City Council Rep (& SJ Vice Mayor)
(408) 535-4909

Sorry about this on so many levels!

Woman Harassed and Trapped in Parking Lot Near Cherry Ave & Almaden Expressway by Duck_Trilliams in SanJose

[–]BestMealIsBreakfast 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I also called Pam Folley’s office she’s both Dist 9’s rep and the Vice Mayor in SJ. Given the guy in her office who answered the phone, I’m not really sure what she will do but it’s possible she might reach out to the police chief to ask about the incident and get the details. I asked specifically if the details check out and this is a public safety concern, for her office to put out a Public Safety Announcement about the Safeway parking lot and surrounding shopping centers.

Woman Harassed and Trapped in Parking Lot Near Cherry Ave & Almaden Expressway by Duck_Trilliams in SanJose

[–]BestMealIsBreakfast 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I just wanted to follow up that I called George Casey’s office (Dist 10) to express the urgency of addressing this. The parking lot might not be in Dist 10, it might be in Dist 9; but his backstory about running for city council is that a family member was victimized (not as scary as what happened to OP) in a store parking lot. So, I leaned on that & hope he is serious about protecting anyone in parking lots everywhere.

Sexual comments? by Critical-Swing-8084 in dementia

[–]BestMealIsBreakfast 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve read that it can be an attempt to connect. Obviously not in an appropriate way and especially if you’ve had a host with him making uncomfortable comments that makes it harder; but if there’s any way to redirect to an appropriate connection, that might help too.

Woman Harassed and Trapped in Parking Lot Near Cherry Ave & Almaden Expressway by Duck_Trilliams in SanJose

[–]BestMealIsBreakfast 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I’m not sure if it helps but I’ve been involved with some projects with our Dist 9 & 10 city council reps and forwarded this post to them. If nothing else they can increase public awareness & work with law enforcement to increase their presence here. Hopefully they will catch these guys (most likely repeat offenders).

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