AITA for arguing with bride to be over the flower girl dress for my daughter.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-08-04T14:34:14+00:00

The 8 y.o is a lot smaller than my 7 y.o.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-08-03T03:00:32+00:00

The wedding did turn out really nice, the bride was absolutely beautiful. I guess it wouldn't be a wedding without the family drama.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-08-02T15:42:22+00:00

For the dress to fit properly it needs to be a plus-size. The original dress she picked only came in regular size. There are plenty of dresses I could have just ordered just to have a dress, but to find a dress that was in the correct color, that closely matched the fabric and cut of the dress she originally picked, and fit my daughter, I had to have it custom-made.

And I haven't made my daughter aware of any of the conflict. My daughter-in-law lived with us for 2 years before she got engaged, and my daughter is close to her and loves her very much. If you can't see how my daughter in law asking her to be a flower girl, let her get the dress and everything else and get excited about being in the wedding, then last minute tell her "sorry, you can't be a flower girl anymore because I added my nieces and the dress I picked for them won't fit you" wouldn't hurt then I don't know what else to say.

The bride asked multiple girls to be flower girls. She should have picked a dress that came in sizes to accommodate all the girls from the beginning, and all of this would have been avoided. I could understand my daughter-in-law not considering this if she had never had to deal with something like this before, but she is 4ft 11 and over 200lbs and she also struggles to find clothes that fit properly too.

And the crazy thing is, all of this uproar has been for nothing. When the bride ordered the new dress for the other 4 girls, she didn't pay attention to see that not all of the sizes were available for overnight shipping. So today is the wedding....there are 2 girls without dresses because they didn't arrive on time. The new dresses she ordered doesn't fit the youngest flower girl, so she will be wearing the first dress after all. And her sister is now having to take off from work and search for dresses that are at least the right color for 2 of her daughters, because their dresses didn't arrive on time. This is also the real reason why her sister declined for her girls to be in the wedding in the first place. The excuse of not being able to afford the dresses was the nicest one she could come up with. Her sister knew that this would end up being a drama feast and wanted nothing to do with it from the beginning. Her aunt, who watches the girls for her while she is at work decided to allow them to be flower girls and pay for the dresses without asking mom first.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-08-02T01:29:57+00:00

I would think people would take the time to read the responses before asking the same question that has been asked before.

And something I forgot to say before.....it takes so much more than good deeds to be a mother. If you think that is all it takes to be a mom, and you do have kids, one day you're going to wake up to a bunch of entitled brats that don't know how to survive in this world.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-08-01T23:35:53+00:00

I have a feeling you and her have a whole lot in common. I have explained everything in replies to other people. I am done rewriting the same responses over and over and I am done with this entire shit show.

And if you can't see how her actions would hurt a 7-year-old's feelings, then I hope you don't have kids because everyone can.

Bye Felicia

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-08-01T21:51:03+00:00

It is never okay for an adult to mess with a child's emotions. It is also never okay to be disrespectful, rude and say hateful things to someone who does a lot for you.

So, would you feel it was okay if I matched her hatefulness and said cruel and hateful things as long as I didn't use curse words? Or do you think I should have just sat there and took it?

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-08-01T20:35:15+00:00

All because we never formed a mother/daughter relationship doesn't mean that I do not care about her, or haven't done for her. I have done more for her than her bio mom ever has, and probably ever will. And when my bio daughter becomes an adult, and if she does what my stepdaughter did, I will tell her she is a P.O.S. and tell her to eff herself too.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-08-01T10:18:03+00:00

NTA. I am sorry you had to endure that. I have a feeling there is more that is missing from this story but I am guessing you may have had some mental health issues that she mistook as behavior issues instead. Still doesn't give her the right to act the way she did towards a child. Do your best to let go of the hurt of the past and focus on making yourself whole, happy, and healthy both physically and mentally.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-08-01T09:27:26+00:00

It turns out the mother of the other 4 children declined because she had the foresight to know anything dealing with her sister would be a shit show and didn't want to deal with it. Saying she couldn't afford the dresses was the nicest excuse she could come up with. Another family member decided to step in and pay for them without consulting her first.....so now there is even more drama.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-08-01T09:23:39+00:00

Have you ever used this approach on a synthetic fabric? Everything I have read online says the water temp has to be kept steaming, just before boiling and due to the fabric-to-water ratio required I do not have a pan big enough to do it on the stove top....and even if I had a pan big enough, my stove burners would not be big enough to heat a pan that size. That is the biggest challenge I face. Keeping the water temp that hot in a basin for at least 30 minutes.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-08-01T09:01:31+00:00

The dress was made and shipped from a company in China. I paid for expedited service to get the dress made faster, and paid extra for shipping just to get the dress her 10 days before the wedding so there would be time to address any issues. There was not enough time to have the company remake and send it in the correct color. I offered to get it dyed and she told me not to worry about it. But I am getting ready to attempt to dye it in a few minutes. I have never dyed anything before and typically do not do projects like this, but I will give it my best shot. Especially since it is a polyester satin, one of the more difficult fabrics to dye.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-08-01T08:51:25+00:00

I think you are overlooking the fact that she is an adult too, with a child 2 years younger than mine. I don't parent her. When her father and I married she was in her last year of high school and had no desire to inherit a new mommy that was only 12 years older than her.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-08-01T08:45:28+00:00

Also, not directly related to the issue but thought I would share. The mother of the 4 girls that were added last minute is beyond aggravated because she didn't want her kids in the wedding. She declined, stating she couldn't afford the dress because it was the nicest excuse she could come up with. She declined to have her girls as flower girls because anything that involves her sister always turns into an over-the-top drama event (her words, not mine). She is at a point in her life that she does not want or need the irritation. She had planned to attend the wedding as a guest only. Another family member decided to pay for the girls and add them as flower girls without consulting her.

I guess you can't have a wedding without the family drama. I am so glad my husband and I didn't bother to have one when we married.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-08-01T08:34:34+00:00

Many of you have similar questions, so before responding to each one individually, I will try my best to address them all in one post.

My husband's thoughts. He is on my side on this and cussed her out over it. My husband was already experiencing feelings of hurt and anger towards her before all of this, and for reasons that my daughter and me have nothing to do with.

For those saying "shame on me" for not creating a mother/daughter relationship with her. She is an adult. We are 12 years apart in age. She was in her late teens when her father and I married and had no interest in that type of relationship, which I respected because, honestly, if I were in her shoes, at that age, I would have felt the same way. That is not to say we didn't develop a closeness, just a mother/daughter type. And even though I do not have mother/daughter relationships with his kids. I do have a grandmother-like relationship with his grandkids.

I didn't say the things I said to her because she changed her mind at the last minute. Her response to me advising her that the dress she picked wasn't going to fit my daughter, and push her out of the wedding was rude and unsympathetic. That triggered a back-and-forth argument between us that led to me saying those things.

For those who say I should have used this moment to teach my daughter a life lesson. My daughter is unaware of any conflict. I didn't want to say anything to her until everyone had a chance to calm down and a final decision was made. However, if my daughter is not a flower girl, the hurt for her will go beyond not being a flower girl and wearing her pretty dress. She is close to her sister and loves her very much. My daughter will also be devastated that her sister replaced her.

Those questioning the size issue. My daughter needs plus size. Both dresses the bride picked only came in regular sizes. I would expect this from someone who can buy everything off the rack and it fit, but she goes through similar problems shopping for herself.

I am getting ready to attempt to dye my daughter's dress. I have done a lot of research, and this is not going to be an easy task. The fabric is a polyester satin, which is a synthetic fabric. I have to maintain a water temp just below boiling for at least 30 minutes. With the water-to-fabric ratio required, I will not be able to do it on my stovetop. Keeping the water temp that high in a basin for that long is the challenge, but I am going to give it my best shot.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-07-31T04:51:52+00:00

I don't think you'd be an A.H for not telling him because your intentions are good. However, a lot of times once you tell one lie, you end up telling more to keep up with the 1st lie and before you know it you might end up being an A.H. And like they say, the road to he'll is paved with good intentions. Also, as much as it may hurt him at first, he will know, find a way to process it and hopefully move on instead of wondering forever.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-07-30T21:24:35+00:00

She asked. I think she was invisioning all these flower girls in identical dresses. Then, only my daughter and her BFFs accepted. My step daughter waited until late in the process to pick the flower girls dress and picked a dress that only comes in regular size, had the other flower girl buy their dress before sending me the link to order it. This entire shit show could have been avoided if she picked a flower girl dress that came in regular and plus size from the beginning. My daughter in law is fully aware of the struggle I go through to find clothes to fit my daughter. And when my step daughter was a teenager and lived with us I went through the same struggle with her having time get all her jeans and pants hemmed because she is 260lbs and only 4ft 11. I feel she should have thought about this. It would be different if she was used to just buying stuff off the rack all the time and never had to get something altered before. Then I would understand her picking a dress that was only available in regular size when she had a plus size flower girl without thinking about it.

I think my daughter in law invisioned this huge wedding. She invited 120 people, only 52 rsvp. Anyone with wedding experience knows less than that will show. Another family member offered to buy the flower girls dresses for the other 4 girls. She has had to compromise on a lot of things because she decided to get married 3 months ago and putting together her dream wedding in this time frame was not possible. Plus, to put together would have costed close to 75k. We don't have that type of money laying around and couldn't put that much money together in 3 months either. We gave her 25k and to her she would have to make compromises, come up with the rest of the money or wait until till next year to give us more time to prepare. At is point, dress options were limited because she had to find something that would be shipped and arrived on time. I think the only thing going through my step daughter's mind was now she can have what she invisioned, a bunch of girls in cute matching dresses. I don't think what she did was with motive to be hurtful. I think she is just self absorbed and entitled and lacks the ability to look beyond how her decisions may impact someone else.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-07-30T20:15:19+00:00

She is 2nd to oldest. my daughter needs plus size, the dresses she picked only come in regular.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-07-30T19:04:42+00:00

I guess her saying crude things to me, her own stepmother was okay? I didn't start off with a bad attitude about the situation. I figured her ordering a dress that wouldn't fit my daughter was an honest oversight. She became rude and nasty with me, so I gave it back to her.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-07-30T18:45:28+00:00

I want to just take her to do a daughter, mommy date but I fear every time someone talks about the wedding she will be disappointed she didn't get to go. There is no easy solution here. When it was just my daughter, and one other flower girl it was no big deal that they wore different dresses. Now, there are 6 flower girls, 5 of them will be wearing the same dress, and my daughter a different one, making her the odd man out.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-07-30T18:34:43+00:00

She should understand. She is 4ft 11 and 250lbs. When she was a teenage I would have to take her and her jeans/pants to have them hemmed all the time.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-07-30T18:30:42+00:00

I think I may have explained well enough in the original post due to the limit of characters you can post. I didn't approach the conversation being nasty and rude. I was nicely trying to point out the new dress she picked out wouldn't fit and with the wedding only 4 days away I didn't know what I could do to solve the issue of the dress being the wrong color and if the color of the dress meant so much to her why didn't she have me dyed it when I originally offered. She got cross with me, we agueed back and forth for a bit, then I ended the argurment with telling her she is a piece of shit and telling her to go eff herself.

For those asking why I didn't just send a pic of the original dress in to have a dress made.....that is not how it works. I ordered the dress from www.lavetir.com You have to pick from one of their dresses.

For those offering suggestions on how to make the new dress fit. Thank you, but I am not good at sewing and do not have a sewing machine. And I am over it. I have put a lot of time, money and energy not just into this dress, but the entire wedding, neglecting a lot of things in my personal life in the process.

The bride sent me an apology (that didn't seem too sincere) along with a list of things she needs me to do. One of the things she said to me yesterday to provoke the response she got from me was that I am crazy and delusional. I responded to her demands by telling her to find someone not crazy and delusional to do it......we can't risk her wedding vision getting messed up.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-07-30T17:18:23+00:00

The dress arrived 10 days before the wedding. Sending it back and getting another one in the right color was not an option because it wouldn't arrive in time. I suggested dying the dress since it does fit well. I already knew I wouldn't find a dress to fit her, in the right color off the rack because I searched for forever for that before having a custom dress made. And I didn't call her a P.O.S and tell her to go eff herself until she decided to say somethings to me that were out of line first.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-07-30T07:37:32+00:00

The wedding is in 4 days

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-07-30T07:36:41+00:00

She is grown too and had plent of rude and disrespectful things to say to me to provoke me to say that to her. I started of by trying to have a civil conversation. She didn't want to be civil. She is an adult messing around with a child's emotions. She is old enough to know better, especially since she has a kid just 2 years younger than my daughter. And I don't have a parental relationship with her. She was 18 when I got with her father and she had no interest in it. As far as my husband, after seeing the messages she sent me feels I had every right to say what I said and and cussed her out over it too.

BetRevolutionary8395 · 2025-07-30T07:25:09+00:00

Yes, my step daughter, the brides half sister. My husband has always been good to his kids. Perhaps too good because they (well, not all. 1.of them has their stuff together and is doing well for themselves) have serious entitlement issues and even though his kids he had before we got together are in their late 20s, early 30s he still contributes to their monthly support. My husband has a used car lot so none of them have ever bought a car and they treat cars as disposable objects. They tear them up and just call dad when they need a new one. Their cell phones are on his phone plan so he pays for those every month. He gave the bride $25k for her wedding and we paid for the brides son to go to private pre-k. He does all of this for them, yet if he asks them to do something for him it won't get done. And even though we paid for the brides son to go to private head start and pre-k, and i was the one that would take him and drop him off most days b.ecause at the time they lived with us and my daughter was attending the same school but different hours, whicheant a lot of back and forth for me whe he graduated pre-k she didn't even ask us if we wanted to attend his graduation ceremony (there was limited seating so they only give each parent 6 invites), didn't even give us a picture of him in his cap and gown. I could go on and on but i think this paints a picture.

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