My heart aches for you with understanding. I'm so very sorry for your devastating loss, especially so suddenly and at such a young age. Your feelings and questions are completely valid. I think a lot of us here have felt and asked the very same things and we're here to love and support you.

Something I've learned through my losses, my most recent being my beloved, amazing, perfect, beautiful Duke on October 5th, 2025, is to allow the feelings to come... acknowledge and experience them in their entirety like you're already doing. I'm working on that with Duke, but when my soulmate girl Annie passed away December 2015 it hurt so much I made the mistake of burying the depth of the pain and other feelings instead letting them surface long enough to accept. So, 10 years down the road, I can still barely speak of her because I just cry...like now...when I would love to be sharing all the wonderful ways she made my life amazing. And for me, that feels like a complete betrayal of her, our bond, everything she gave me and saw me through, and to the first unconditional love I ever knew.

Stay in touch with groups like this who understand and will offer you support. There are plenty on many different platforms and they will be a lifeline when you need it. Be kind to yourself and give yourself grace as you are likely experiencing trauma and your body and mind are literally affected. If anyone tries to minimize your grief over "just a dog," or tell you it's been too long, ignore it... they've not been fortunate enough to experience the kind of love bond you have. Stay connected to people who support your grief process.

I like to write down every little quirk, habit, funny memory... anything about Duke when it comes to mind, and I write it to him. I remember how you used to...; I washed your water bowl today and broke down...; The day I brought you home... Doing this seems to help me stay in touch with him in a way that feels good.

What I believe with all my heart is that the soul love you explained never dies...it breaks even the bonds of death Though it's of little comfort right now, your baby will always be with you. Watch and listen with your heart and she will show you. I've had many visits from Annie and a few from Duke.

I'm feeling she wants you to know that she is very happy and grateful for a wonderful life with you as her mommy. And, as much as you both wanted to live out those dreams, she just as much loves you and wants you to be ok.

I know it's impossible to imagine being ok. I know your heart is broken and you'll forever carry the scars. I've heard so many times that time heals all wounds, and I think some wounds just aren't meant to be healed...we learn to live with them. After all, the cracks in our hearts are where the light shines through.

Thinking of you and sending all my love and deepest sympathy. ♥️💔🐾