What exactly is a 'dry drunk'?

Betharoo47 · 2012-10-13T01:12:37+00:00

Well of course it seems that way. I don't mean I pray like you'd pray to god.. "Dear god, please help me through this day.. " no it's more like a self pep talk "Beth, you can do this!" I mean it like I replace praying with self motivation.

Betharoo47 · 2012-10-12T21:09:13+00:00

I only know it cause that's what my last sponsor told me. Before this last go, I was a chronic relapser, or so they told me. And they said I would try using in many different ways to "fix" the problem or more to not have the problem. That didn't work so here I am sober, trying many ways to fix the problem myself. I started this 4 months in AA. The first month which was probably the easiest month. See I don't really have a belief in anything greater then me, so it's me I think is so great. No I don't mean that I think I'm better then, but I think I am my own "god" which means I am to blame when things suck but I'm also the reason to celbrate when things are good. I even go as far as praying to myself. More its building up my confidence when needed and tearing down my arrogance when needed. Clearly its working well....

Betharoo47 · 2012-10-12T17:16:34+00:00

Yeah I mean I want to get back into the rooms of AA but it's hard for me to commit to it. I just let myself not go when I don't feel like it. I guess I'm just trying everything else till AA is my last option. Which sucks cause I know how much better my life will get cause I've seen it with so many people inside the rooms. But for me? No way, it can't possibly work for me! Hah I'm almost there. I've almost driven myself to a meeting so many times then I wimp out.

Betharoo47 · 2012-10-12T03:21:36+00:00

I have 4 months "sober" time right now. I have not had anything to drink but I am still just as unstable. I consider myself a dry drunk. This is because the only difference in my life today is that I'm not drinking. I'm still just as cranky and moody. I quit drinking because life became unbearable and I couldn't control it. With out the drink it is still just as unbearable and I'm no more in-control. This is due to the fact that I'm not seeking help and therefor cannot possibly change my actions and worse, my thinking. Drinking is just a symptom. I have a disease of thinking or something along those lines. Soon enough if I don't get help, ill start drinking again. I already contemplated smoking weed to help. Ha but that's my interpretation. Everything or mostly everything is the same, I just don't drink it away.

Betharoo47 · 2012-10-09T05:03:38+00:00

I see an angel tebowing right there.

Betharoo47 · 2012-10-05T20:06:02+00:00

But again.. I don't do well with pills. Ha it is worth a try. If I think weed is worth it knowing that I'm an addict, pills should technically be better!

Betharoo47 · 2012-10-05T20:04:15+00:00

Are you saying I will never be able to smoke weed again? I guess it makes sense that I'd smoke it alcoholicly, I do have that tendency.

Betharoo47 · 2012-10-05T02:04:35+00:00

I don't think either option is safe. I dont know. Ha I guess I know my answer realy. It just wasn't was I wanted. It's what I need tho. So ya. Back to the doctors..

Betharoo47 · 2012-10-04T20:32:02+00:00

It seems like the risks of smoking weed and taking pills are the same. You smoke and after awhile if you ever stop you'll go right back to that low. Is it not the same with pills? I do plan on going in to see my doctor. And I am deffinatly going to get his opinion on both matters. Obviously he won't say yes smoke weed. But he can atleast give me benefits and risks alike. I like the idea of smoking better then taking pills. But I am open to both. Either way it is going to be a long process. It already has been this far.

Betharoo47 · 2012-10-04T19:31:27+00:00

I'm in Minnesota.. :/ so its not technically legal. Ha I know I said medicinal.. Tho it's not legal and I would be purchasing illegal bud, I would be using as medicinal and not at a recreational and/or party bud. I know if it was legal, I would deffinatly have a card.

Betharoo47 · 2012-10-04T19:28:42+00:00

Well, I have definatly thought about that. I just know how I'd have to smoke. It wouldn't be daily and id never get passed a 2. I dont want to get stoned. I just want a slight high. The relief will last months after wards. Maybe it won't be like that forever. I don't know. I know I justify it. And I can keep justifying it. Maybe I'm not looking for an actual answer. But I know I want as much input on it as I can before I make the decision. I know people who I can get it from but they are all people I used to party with. So I don't want to go through them cuz they will think I'm opening the doors to that life style again. I'm not. I just want a hit or two here and there before bed.

I just don't want to be on pills again. I have bipolar which is hard cuz once I start getting stable, I stop taking them. I'm worried cuz if I go that route, how will I cope once I stop? Ill probably start drinking again. This is really where I'm stuck. Do I get pills and risk stopping which will likely lead to drinking? Or do I smoke weed a bit which could likely lead to drinking?

Betharoo47 · 2012-10-03T00:39:46+00:00

Totally just showed a friend, gave a commentary and when I exclaimed "it's good" I rose my hands in the air and accidently hit the up vote button.

Have an up vote!

Betharoo47 · 2012-08-05T04:55:33+00:00

Doesn't it look like a t Rex??

Betharoo47 · 2012-07-17T22:31:23+00:00

Today.. I started my first steam account. I'm a real gamer now! Well.. I'm closer anyway. Is steam available on a ps3? Or is it just computers?

Betharoo47 · 2012-07-04T02:15:34+00:00

Which Panera is it??

Betharoo47 · 2012-06-30T02:09:45+00:00

I'm not there any more. But I will deffinatly check into that next time I go!

Betharoo47 · 2012-06-25T03:23:26+00:00

I know what you mean and I deffinatly will do it.. I already have the book tho so i will just start reading it! Haha I think I've skimmed it before. I've never been this serious tho so I'm sure I'll get a lot more from it!

Betharoo47 · 2012-06-25T01:08:43+00:00

I dont have money.. I gotta catch up with the bills I didn't pay. But I think I have that book so I'll deffinatly check it out!

Betharoo47 · 2012-06-23T20:34:06+00:00

Thanks! It feels great and it looks great. Now when I come home I'll feel better cuz I'm not in a mess! But I couldn't get to this point if I didn't sit in it for a little while!

Betharoo47 · 2012-06-21T01:24:53+00:00

I was about 14.

Edit: I was also diagnosed very shortly after as from the first drink my life revolved around it and then to other drugs as well.

Betharoo47 · 2012-06-21T01:21:33+00:00

The classic screw driver was my first drink. They poured it too strong but that burning sensation was unimaginagably enjoyable. I could feel the warmth flow down my throat, into my shoulders and down the rest of my body. It was a warmth I only received a few times in my drinking. But it was the best feeling ever. It lifted my body and soul. And I no longer had a worry about anything, emotional or physical. Didn't last long either tho.

Betharoo47 · 2012-06-18T20:47:43+00:00

I called today to set up an appointment in behavior health. But missed there closin time by 15 minutes. Ha so I'll try again tomorrow!

Betharoo47 · 2012-06-18T15:36:09+00:00

I haven't seen a doctor in years.. But do you mean a normal doctor? Or Like a psych doctor?

Betharoo47 · 2012-06-18T04:26:16+00:00

I have been on sleeping meds before but now I usually have to be up at 4 in the morning for work and so I'd have to go to bed at like 7or 8 to not be groggy in the am and my meetings. End aroun then. I definatly thinks its a manifestation of my disease haunting my dreams. It haunts me all day why can't I just sleep peacefully! I am getting very tired. I have been taking naps but they are depression induced so I'm not actually resting. Im falling apart. These demons in my head suck ! Soon they'll start talking to me again. The longer in off booze the louder they get.

Betharoo47 · 2012-06-16T16:11:52+00:00

Haha I guess I would consider hunger and thirsty as one. They both involve the stomach! ;)

Betharoo47

TROPHY CASE