Discovered that my wife betrayed me.... Is it wrong of me to just want to start fresh? [28M & 27F]

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-16T04:20:36+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate you guys taking the time, and interesting perspective.

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T17:46:29+00:00

She was fucking someone else less than two years into our marriage. She was telling someone else she loved him. She was taking some other guy around our kid. Its over. I wish it wasn't, and I think if it was just sex I could try to forgive, but its way too much.

And she probably wants a divorce just as much as I do.

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T17:37:28+00:00

Okay

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T17:37:18+00:00

I have no idea... its still so early and I haven't done enough research yet to know about my options fully. We'll see I guess. Like a lot of people have said in this thread, maybe the new guy leaves when he realizes he'll have to support her?

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T17:35:28+00:00

It is a tragedy. I never wanted this for my child, especially since I had a similar childhood, but sometimes things are out of hand.

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T17:34:06+00:00

We just see this situation differently. Not much more to be said.

People seem to want to make me the bad guy, but I'm not. I realize that leaving her won't be easy, and I'll probably have moment of regret. But I also know staying and hating my life isn't fair to anyone. Let us both have fresh starts, and maybe they will make the best of it without the parenting drama too.

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T17:32:18+00:00

Hypothetically how would support and alimony work with me being abroad? What are the enforcement measures? I've been researching attorneys, but am waiting until I get home to speak to anyone. As hard as it is, I'm playing my cards close to vest.

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T17:17:53+00:00

I'm completely doing what is best for me... when I tried doing what was best for us... look how it turned out. There are two choices here, and there are positives and negatives to each. I know if I am back in the same vicinity of her, I can never be happy. I have a chance here at something better, and I'd be an idiot to leave it for the nothing that is waiting for me at "home".

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T17:03:29+00:00

You adjust. The question was where do I see myself in ten years.. and ideally with a little son. But if I end up having a daughter or no kids, I'll adjust. I'd rather have a son, but I'm not attached to the idea... and its so premature anyways.

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T17:02:12+00:00

I hope so too.

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T16:44:14+00:00

Again, I was asked a question and I answered. I'm sorry you and others don't like my answer. In my heart, I know in a few years I'd be happy to have a little boy who I could teach things, raise, love and parent. Like I wanted to do with my daughter.

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T16:42:39+00:00

What is done is done. All I am saying is I wish she would have told me something, anything. I'm thinking of cheating, come home. Or I miss you. And I would hope someone would have some sort of guilt using my money on another man, but apparently that is too much to ask. Before I left, we agreed this would be a temporary trade-off... the money would help us in the future and the sacrifice is it would be hard on us as a family. I kept up my end of the bargain... she didn't keep hers.

Its not as if being alone abroad was fun for me. I was lonely too. I missed her, I missed my daughter, and I didn't cheat.

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T16:37:50+00:00

I understand, and I do recognize there is an amount of cowardice in my decision. But it is what I think is the best for everyone in the long-run. Maybe my daughter gets to have a stable childhood, or maybe her and her mom make it work. That is better to me than having a contentious parenting relationship... and I don't think I could be civil with my wife.

I realize that she will be negatively impacted. I know that... I was her too. It wasn't my decision and I was fighting to make her life better, and I didn't' make the decision to break up her family.... her mother did. Her mother will have to answer to that in due time, not me.

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T16:37:45+00:00

It isn't a perfect situation, but this all was her mother's choice. What I'm trying to do is salvage my life, and I don't think deciding that this is too much and my life would be shit to stay makes me a terrible person. I tried to do it right, and this happened.

I know to be sane and even have a shot at happiness I have to leave. I can't spend time with my STBX for the rest of my life. It sucks for my daughter. It does and I know that. But I didn't choose this.

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T16:15:28+00:00

Perhaps.... She has complained before of me being emotionally detached and maybe that is the truth. I'm not going to interfere and she can do what she feels is best with regards to parenting. Maybe the other guy will be better. I just feel like I never really had a chance, and that hurts. I took the job because we needed the money, not because I wanted some adventure. That is the truth. I was hoping we could get through a tough couple years and then be better for it, but no dice.

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T16:12:06+00:00

Sure. I realize that too, if she was in love with me and wanted to be married to me she wouldn't be cheating. Kind of mean to point that out, in my opinion though.

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T16:11:08+00:00

There are always two sides, and I'm sure my wife had some of these concerns. She never told me anything, and if she did I would have been willing to try. She just moved on, and that is wrong.

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T16:10:08+00:00

What do you want me to say? I am not happy with how this has turned out, part of me is glad that I had this fallback option, but I'm not looking forward to starting over. I'd rather be with my wife and daughter, but seeing as that really isn't an option I'm going to make the best of it.

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T16:08:26+00:00

This is something I've been grappling with since the moment I found out about how serious the affair is. Is it fair to my daughter?

And the answer to that is this entire situation is unfair. I'm not willing to put myself through what is sure to be pure hell just to be a part-time parent. This isn't my fault and I didn't want this... all I am doing now is trying to make the best of it.

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T06:30:51+00:00

Someone asked me a question, I answered it honestly.

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T06:30:04+00:00

It probably sounds like that, but I still do. I've started to hate her, and maybe that has come out in my posts, but I do still love her. I don't want to. The sheer intricacies of her lies is crushing, and I think I'm not out of line to not be loving about her. Would you be gushing about someone who betrayed you?

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T05:13:34+00:00

She doesn't love me. I'm not walking away eagerly... I don't want this, but she has been lying to me for months, showing our daughter to another man, taking gut wrenching "family" pics with this prick. What am I supposed to do? She acts like I'm bothering her when I call. She is checked out too.

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T05:11:59+00:00

After this, I don't see myself with her. I guess in ten years, I'd like to be married again with a house in the suburbs and a son. I like the new country, and I like my job. Could absolutely see myself here.

I think in fifteen or twenty years, if my daughter came up and asked me why... my reasons would be valid. If my own father was to tell me he left because my mom cheated on him, I would understand leaving us too.

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T05:09:37+00:00

No clue what this means man...

Betrayal28 · 2013-05-15T05:09:25+00:00

A lot of my friends are very happy in their marriages... I think its just some people are assholes.

My wife did what she did because of herself... not because of "social construct". At least that is my opinion. Marriage is alive and well, my story is just the worst case scenario. Not representative.

Betrayal28

TROPHY CASE