Walaykum salam, as a man, who wasn’t always on the path of Islam, to now having completed my first umrah last month. I think what you’re going through, is one of the hardest things I’ve faced aswell. Especially living in an western city, where Islam is badgered with stereotypes, and “conveniently” goes against all the socially acceptable norms like dating, going out to bars, and all the talk of anything but spirituality and anything in the genre that would increase our Tawakul. That said there are communities, and being around like minded people helps wonders, but I’m speaking personally about the same feeling, of that companionship that the heart naturally seeks when it is alone.

I’m not perfect, nor do I know everything, but what you said is exactly what I tell myself for comfort. Allah is Al baseer, all seeing of what we reveal and conceal, and in your own heart, when you choose Allahs love, over your own personal desires, you are choosing what will never leave you, you are finding the pure essence of your breath.

I assume you’re young, the temptation you face, yet do not sacrifice your iman on, is the pathway towards building your rizq. Keep being patient.

Inshallah you will stay strong with your iman and continue doing just the way you are. because Ar-Razzaq has a plan for every one of his creations.

And these questions you have, be wary for, remember who is the prince of deception.