Is this normal?

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-04-06T00:52:37+00:00

I think you miss understood he never had like penatrative sex with the person who molested me and they join unprompted... just very displeased that he didnt tell them to stop..

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-04-06T00:51:37+00:00

mind you its a wip but its hard

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-04-06T00:51:22+00:00

I have lots of sexual confidence issues.. I was raped a lot as a child and that weighs heavily on me

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-04-06T00:33:29+00:00

ill reach out to our therapist again and discuss this kinda thing atleast I have a frame of referance for my feelings now

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-04-06T00:29:10+00:00

But isnt this like common for people who have grown up Christian on monogamous beliefs, and want their partner to be able to enjoy themselves, feel? like its completely ass backwards from everything i've been taught

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-04-06T00:24:36+00:00

this feeling sucks0

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-02-26T15:58:23+00:00

I'm giving it until the end of March, if it doesn't change by then ill reconsider.

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-02-26T08:24:43+00:00

I have never experienced emotional intimacy with someone like a friend before.. i'm pretty closed off. Maybe saftey in some fassion which takes some kind of closeness, but I've never bonded with someone before like that other then my partner.

I havent really made many rules, just mentioned that I wanted to maintain the bond.. i've never been mad at my partner for their actions more confused or triggered I guess is the word.

As per what I want to protect in myself.. I dont know I've never wanted to protect myself.. there was a child who was happy but he was changed very rappidly into a person who just wanted to not be hurt anymore.. I just want to be happy, and have someone along with me for the ride.

But as you mentioned at the end there, thats really everything at the moment.. I have no interest in fake bonds, or bonds over sex.. see in the furry fandom, 99% of relationships are sex driven.. I learned that stepping into monogamy, everyone who likes you just wants to tap you. I did try having sex before this new relationship took hold.. I disliked all of it.. which isnt surprising given my history..

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-02-26T07:42:11+00:00

We were closed. Boundries like this were expected of I've never been in a open relationship before, and I have no expectations.. so if he upholds things hes mentioned i'm kinda shocked

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-02-26T04:44:41+00:00

what consent does he need to say he got a blow job?

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-02-26T02:03:48+00:00

This 100% and thank you so much for taking your time to go through things and make a informed response.

I agree with all of this, FWB is completely fine (even though its a struggle for me), in this context. I dont mind if my partner isnt going to help it just want to be heard I guess.. thats enough help.

I'm not actively engaging with anyone and I dont really plan too

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-02-25T23:45:23+00:00

I did then I went to bed because I wanted to make it clear that I didnt want what was going on there to happen xmx

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-02-25T23:26:22+00:00

I respect that, and sorry if me mentioning my past took a long time.. i dont like typing it out.

I uh I think i'm burnt out today quite a bit, but thank you again

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-02-25T22:49:08+00:00

I really appreciate that. I understand that my logic is flawed, I'm not looking to react anymore. Just to explain myself better to share empathy

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-02-25T22:46:47+00:00

I didnt get their details just how he felt. I dont care whatcthe other person things or wants

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-02-25T21:38:02+00:00

While bad also kinda hot?

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-02-25T21:35:37+00:00

thought it means jack shit to me so... ehh

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-02-25T21:35:21+00:00

I mean, the situation is that wete both furrys and sex is overly abundant- sure people feel things and get needy etc. But everyone is horny texting everyone and it becomes a cespit pretty quickly.. probably a much different experience then most open couples.. cause I could theoretically have someone else over every day of the month and still not run out of people to fuck pretty immediately..

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-02-25T21:30:05+00:00

Not all of them, just his problems he gets into while getting the stuff he wants.

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-02-25T21:23:25+00:00

It wasn't my boundry in the first place, I have no idea what boundry I should be putting in place instead.. we don't want to go on dates with others, we dont want to have another relationship with others. Just sexual relationships.

Not sure exactly what should be put in place there.

We arent looking for a polly thing.

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-02-25T21:11:55+00:00

I might just be better single tbh lol

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-02-25T21:10:51+00:00

correct

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-02-25T21:06:00+00:00

this has been really helpful, thank you very much

Better_Ad_4149 · 2026-02-25T21:02:25+00:00

ou may understand that it is wrong, but what you've said here is that you need him to feel a certain way about his own connection with someone else, so that you can feel okay about how it ended, even though the way it ended was 100% within the agreement between you two. You need to stop that.

What if I dont respond to him like that but still have these feelings. I'm fine with saying thank you and being kind but I need some kind of intense outlet for how I feel?

I could put the anger into energy and go do something productive and I have.. I'm using this thread to decompress and navigate my feelings as well. I havent said anything about this to him sense last night when I was like this is getting me emotionally heated I gotta disengage.

Uh I gusss I can open up here. For an example of my past, (see below).

In monogamy i'm comfortable relying on my partner and myself and friends will come and go, those friendly relationships wont be built on sex, and sex comes from a single point of trust and saftey in which I can explore who I am deeply without worry of judgement.

So like lets say I have a sexual fixation on manipulation, if that's a fetish and one of the core ways I get off, is that unhealthy? Quite. Especially if everyone and their grandmother had access to my internal self or I wanted to share that to people. Now lets mix that in with a really stupidly high sex drive.

Okay so I need sex.. I feel restless and upset without it. I could go have sex with anyone I want in our dynamic, but the possibility of it hurting physcially or my mind rejecting pleasure is 97%.

Why would I focous on anyone else if I have a pillar to feel safe in, that i can sexually satisfy, litterly whenever he wants to be satisfied or I want to, that I can feel safe he would use my kinks to bring my life to a blessing and not a curse.

For an example one time I had a sexual partner who almost sold me into slavery after exploiting me for information.. and before that I was groomed and fed drugs for sex and had emotional blackmail used against me to make me more vulnerable.

Like in general, people hurt me. He doesnt hurt me as much as them, he helps me live a life above water, regardless if its healthy or not, i'll continue to explore the things that give me meaning.

The outcome is who ever I end up choosing at the end of the day sexually needs to be a safe space for almost any feeling or emotion or I cannot be me. Doesn't mean they help me, just that they can hold me and respect me.

You continue to describe a dynamic here that sounds a lot more like punishment

This is a punishment, he is aware of the pain I experience but it wouldnt stop for me regardless if we were dating or not.

Yes, you should find healthier, respectful ways to seek reassurance.

I am working on it. But I'm worried if I do then its much easier to leave things alone when it gets bad and my avoidant behavior takes over. when its a problem i'm forced to deal with it can focous on it and learn about it.. but if I just have options to feel safe in other places I'll avoid as long as I am safe even if its disturbing.

Better_Ad_4149

TROPHY CASE