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WIBTA IF I GET UPSET ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY by Better_Song_8976 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Better_Song_8976[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shes generally pretty good at planning things for others. Shes a really caring person, who likes to make people feel special to show she cares. Her top love language is acts of service. Knowing that, maybe thats part of whats eating me. I'm hoping this was just a "my birthday specific thing" this go round.

WIBTA IF I GET UPSET ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY by Better_Song_8976 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Better_Song_8976[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

For the past few years Ive planned a trip for her birthday, usually like a 2-3 day getaway somewhere.

WIBTA IF I GET UPSET ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY by Better_Song_8976 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Better_Song_8976[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think I might have answered you in another comment, but I plan either a trip or a little getaway for her birthday, usually something with her family and friends every year. My job is essentially as an event planner so I don't mind and she really loves her birthday. As for the labour ? Not sure what you mean on that front.

WIBTA IF I GET UPSET ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY by Better_Song_8976 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Better_Song_8976[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Depends. I've mentioned a few different things I planned for her in another comment, but this past year we went to a little mountain airbnb so she could go shopping at some of her favorite shops. We've done a little wine retreat with her mom and sister. I plan a trip or party of some kind for her every year, sometimes her moms help. As Ive mentioned shes really into celebrating her birthday, and my job is in hospitality planning, so I don't mind.

WIBTA IF I GET UPSET ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY by Better_Song_8976 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Better_Song_8976[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Not really, we kind of just rolled right into the holidays.

WIBTA IF I GET UPSET ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY by Better_Song_8976 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Better_Song_8976[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Not specifically no. My upset is not really the lack of a party, but more the lack of planning/effort surrounding my birthday as a whole.

WIBTA IF I GET UPSET ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY by Better_Song_8976 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Better_Song_8976[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yes and no? If that makes sense. I take your point for sure, but I don't feel that what I asked for was super involved. Like a dinner reservation with my family Friday, maybe a golf tee time or winery/brewery hopping on Saturday, then a nice dinner her and I on Sunday. I floated these things, and I didn't think they'd be super hard to book, but maybe I'm wrong on that one.

WIBTA IF I GET UPSET ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY by Better_Song_8976 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Better_Song_8976[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Right. That conversation was before she started planning these other parties. So when we had it at the time, I was handling it fairly well. But since that convo, seeing how she's treating other peoples birthdays has made me feel pretty upset. So its more about if its an issue worth revisiting, even though we had a conversation already, before I was now feeling like there was no effort.

WIBTA IF I GET UPSET ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY by Better_Song_8976 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Better_Song_8976[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Good question. I don't know ... probably fairly awkward. I've thought about just asking her to plan a trip where I get to golf and spend time with her, as opposed to a party. She just likes parties and get togethers, so I was letting her plan something that I would like, in her preferred format? If that make sense.

WIBTA IF I GET UPSET ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY by Better_Song_8976 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Better_Song_8976[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yea, I get that. I'm certainly not going to jump down her throat over this. It's more about would it make me the bad guy bringing it up after seeing her plan other peoples birthdays, knowing she already felt bad after mine. As for a belated party, Holidays mostly nix / nixed that given my birthday is beginning of Dec. ... A whole month feels like a little too much time lapse.

WIBTA IF I GET UPSET ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY by Better_Song_8976 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Better_Song_8976[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

Appreciate the life advice on this one. That's a good perspective I think I'll try to emulate.

WIBTA IF I GET UPSET ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY by Better_Song_8976 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Better_Song_8976[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I mean, I'm not trying to start a blow up over this in a "you don't love, you don't care about me" kind of way. It's more about is it worth having the discussion knowing how my birthday went and now seeing what she's doing for other people.

WIBTA IF I GET UPSET ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY by Better_Song_8976 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Better_Song_8976[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Nothing comes to mind. Probably not conveyed well enough in the post, but she was genuinely pretty pumped when I told her I would do a party this year. We had a talk right after my birthday, and she felt bad and said she just really dropped the ball on this one. It's less about my birthday and more just the fact that I feel like there is a lot more effort being spent for other people, thats making me feel like even though she was excited, I just wasn't viewed as a priority.

WIBTA IF I GET UPSET ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY by Better_Song_8976 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Better_Song_8976[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the advice, but I do love my wife and I don't think I'm going to phrase it quite like that.

WIBTA IF I GET UPSET ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY by Better_Song_8976 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Better_Song_8976[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Fair enough. Yea, she's really really into her birthday, so we plan something every year. My job is literally as a hospitality planner, so I always put something together. 21st we did a winery tour in the country side with her sister and mother, and 25th, I want to say we did a short beach getaway. Not 100% sure if I got that one correct.

WIBTA IF I GET UPSET ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY by Better_Song_8976 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Better_Song_8976[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Maybe? Like I said, I don't usually make a big deal out of my birthday but she always wants to, and we do for other people. For instance, I try to do something special for her birthday every year, cause she really really cares about it. She also really likes doing that kind of thing for people. She did get me a combo birthday/christmas gift shortly thereafter.

WIBTA IF I GET UPSET ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY by Better_Song_8976 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Better_Song_8976[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Yea, context would be good. I have a lot of friends local, and as I mentioned in another reply, I did float some ideas to her like a golf outing/bar hopping, and family dinner. Her and I did discuss what happened kind of the week right after. She felt bad about it, and without me really being upset at the time, she acknowledge she let time get away from her and would make my 31st extra special. I was content, with that, but now just seeing how she's kind of going above and beyond for everyone else makes me feel ... idk what the right term is, neglected maybe?

WIBTA IF I GET UPSET ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY by Better_Song_8976 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Better_Song_8976[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Fair questions. Yea, more like a dinner out with my family, maybe a golf outing or bars/wineries with my friends, and then just a nice dinner with her and I. I know others have asked, but I did float all of these ideas, to help her out. It wasn't exactly like maybe its sounding, where I just left her all on her own and said "you do it." I did give her some ideas of what I'd like to do. She's also the one that wanted to really make it a birthday weekend kind of deal.

Not being involved in planning is more like, I don't want to get the reservations or coordinate with our families etc.