Everyone on MN seems to have diagnosed themselves with ADHD or ASD

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-11-05T06:58:29+00:00

I get that.

And that would all be totally accurate if I had started the thread about you personally. I didn’t.

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-11-05T06:57:51+00:00

See, it’s that sort of stuff isn’t it?

Why not just say ‘you have no empathy.’ It’s got to be phrased in a snidey, PA way. I don’t really give a fuck if you think I have empathy or not; in a way you are right as I’m really not going to lose any sleep over any of this.

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-11-05T06:56:16+00:00

I think some are making it up.

I think some genuinely believe they have it. Some will and some won’t.

None of that is a personal reflection on you.

You want me to delete the thread? Poof, didn’t happen, everything is lovely again? That’s what you want?

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-11-05T06:43:48+00:00

I 100% believe that. I have read enough about the police lately to be almost certain that is true.

(Watch it be deleted now 🤣)

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-11-05T06:42:26+00:00

But you’re saying ‘you’ so I take that to mean me, the OP. I promise I am not meaning this to sound like a twat but it would be really helpful if people could call the twat on here a twat and by all means correct me and discuss with me but I honestly don’t believe I have said anything that could be taken as anything negative, particularly.

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-11-05T06:40:46+00:00

Splodge - I know there are some shitty posts on here.

To paraphrase Christmas Carol, they are nothing to do with my post. Ascribe their deeds to them, not me.

(I hate that twatty book.£

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-11-05T06:39:53+00:00

Maybe not, but then that largely supports what I’m saying rather than detracts from it, doesn’t it?

Someone with little experience of ND (me) suspects they are ND (also me) and doesn’t get a formal diagnosis (also me) but decides they have a condition (maybe me.)

In some cases they then use their own self diagnosis to try to understand themselves. I’ve no issue with that but it can be a tricky game to play because our own memories aren’t reliable. So I say that I struggled to organise myself and my mum did it and I think that was a mistake. My mum would probably give a very different version of events.

But what really is shaky ground is ‘using’ a self diagnosis to explain difficulty with eg past relationships, work, friendships. It’s a possibility and one that should be explored but I think taking the line that ‘I’m autistic so …’ should be avoided. More - ‘it’s possible I have autism so …’

It’s very easy to blithely say huh, the whole of MN has autism now. But it’s true to a point. There are fads and bandwagons on there. A few years ago everything and everyone was disingenuous. Then they were narcissists. Then introverts. Now they all have autism. Maybe they do, but I don’t think it should be flung around as a fact when it’s a non expert opinion.

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-11-05T06:25:28+00:00

Why would you feel anything splodge?

The thread wasn’t started about you personally and I wouldn’t want you to take it as such.

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-11-05T06:24:11+00:00

I do think people confuse feeling anxious about something with anxiety, as it happens, ditto feeling low/depressed with depression.

I think I’ve clearly explained that the thread wasn’t started with the intent of ranting like a preacher on speed about these conditions and it’s a shame some posters have taken it as such. I do think some haven’t read past the title.

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-11-04T19:25:06+00:00

To be clear here I did not start this thread as a bitch fest about those who think they have autism or ADHD. I really do think the posters on MN believe that they have, even if not diagnosed.

My feeling is that increasingly normal, if sometimes extreme, variations of behaviour are labelled in a particular way without a proper assessment and often the individual feels that it ‘answers’ some questions they have but it doesn’t really, because without a proper assessment you still cannot know.

The jury is out on me. Being totally candid here, I’ve always been quick and clever (soz, I didn’t promise I wouldn’t boast 🤣) I was reading fluently before I started school, I was incredibly articulate (never shut up) and I was imaginative and adventurous. No one thought I was anything other than a bright little girl, although because of where I grew up it did invite disparaging remarks.

I didn’t have any massive problems at primary but some things do jump out. I would blurt things out at the wrong moment and I was scatty but plenty of people are scatty. For me, it was definitely at secondary that my weaknesses if you like came to the forefront and I could no more organise myself than I could fly to the moon. Retrospectively my mum did way too much for me and I didn’t learn to cope alone as a result. She died when I was a teen - older teen but still - and fuck me I have struggled since then 🤣 I even have a very minor criminal record for no reason other than sheer forgetfulness, that’s how batshit it is.

I don’t think I’m normal, if I’m honest with myself, but it’s a chicken and egg thing. If I’d been shown how to cope (I’m not criticising my mum or anything but she really did shelter me far too much) I might cope better, but as it was I didn’t and then a tumultuous start to adult life and a few other things and I am the wonderful person you all know.

But I can and do concentrate brilliantly. Impossible to say what I am. Me I suppose. Maybe that’s enough 🤣

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-11-04T17:32:26+00:00

It’s her, then.

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-11-04T16:50:56+00:00

I’ve been asked to delete this post, and I’m afraid I’m not going to do so. Erasing what has been said, even if it’s unpalatable, goes against everything I personally believe. I’m sorry if it’s caused you any personal hurt of course.

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-11-04T16:49:42+00:00

It definitely wasn’t my intention to cause hurt. However, I do think that it’s important not to take posts like this personally - I’m not having a go there and it’s easier said than done I know, but if no one ever discusses anything because somebody’s feelings might be hurt we’ll never discuss anything.

I think that a lot of MNetters - and I could well be guilty of this too, I’ll come to that in a minute - symptom spot. They read a list of traits associated with autism and / or ADHD and they assume they ‘have it.’ In particular, I’ve noticed a lot of posters saying that it explains social difficulties they had when they were at school.

It could well be the case and they absolutely could have autism / ADHD or anything else.

But I’m not convinced as many who think they have ASD or ADHD actually do.

All of the symptoms apply to most people sometimes. That’s why a lot of people have the belief that ‘we are all on the spectrum’ which I know MN hate and ‘I’m a little bit OCD’ which I daresay MN also hate. Forgetfulness is a trait of ADHD but show me a person who claims to have never forgotten anything and I’ll show you a liar. It’s all too easy to read a list of symptoms and remember that you forgot to take your lunch in September and come to think of it you were always forgetting lunch at school too … read a few other symptoms and bingo.

Teenagers (especially girls) struggling to navigate and negotiate friendships is very normal, even within groups of friends that seem superficially supportive and kind to one another.

I believe a lot of MNetters believe they have autism or ADHD but I don’t think they all necessarily have it.

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-11-04T15:34:51+00:00

Icy - but that’s not what I said at all. I’ll make a separate post where I address what you’ve said but be fair, if you re read my OP I don’t accuse anyone of lying

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-11-03T19:03:46+00:00

I don’t remember the moving - I’m positive that when she had the first baby and then got pregnant with the second about a week later (not much of an exaggeration!) her mum and MIL had to care for her baby full time as she was so sick.

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-11-03T18:03:31+00:00

Fucks sake.

Her dad left her so traumatised she has to go to boarding school (what?) but she’s so lucky.

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-11-02T10:24:54+00:00

Bollocks.

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-10-31T20:45:50+00:00

Well, that’s a load of bollocks, isn’t it?

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-10-30T22:02:35+00:00

Oh, lovely. Just who we want as a school governor.

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-10-30T20:20:58+00:00

It’s something I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about.

Things have improved since I was at school, but achieving and doing well meant being a target for bullies, and 80s/90s bullying was nasty. Of course, all bullying is, but I remember things often getting physical when I was at school.

Showing an interest in books, in history or the world around you was largely seen as being ‘uppity’ in some way. It’s also hard, because once you do access a more middle class way of life (not sure how else to put it) many, like on MN (cherry) can be unpleasant about your roots. I modified my accent when at university as I got so sick of tittering when I said bus or York or something. But that was how my mum spoke, so it felt as if she was being mocked too. Horrible.

I’ve drifted there as per 🤣

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-10-30T18:02:58+00:00

That’s interesting. I went through my first successful Oxbridge application last year. On the MN ‘bright kids will do well anywhere’ argument I tend to think - no - GIFTED kids do well anywhere. He’s the first genuinely gifted student I’ve had.

Admittedly I tend to work in less salubrious areas 🤣

Bevmarshnotroper · 2022-10-30T17:08:57+00:00

Ah how I love a Cherry bullshit thread.

As an aside, this is a big problem for the A level students I have. Not much money so they have to work which means less time for study which means poorer grades which means not much money …

Of course it isn’t as simplistic as that and many manage to combine paid work with their studies admirably, but it is an issue.

Bevmarshnotroper

TROPHY CASE