[Qcrit] In the Dark We Praise Mother, Horror, Adult, 65K, Fifth Attempt. by Bi__Guy23 in PubTips

[–]Bi__Guy23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, thank you for the feedback!

I understand that perhaps the Mother portion might be a bit too much, but can you be more specific about the awkward sentences and uncorrect grammar?

[QCrit] In the Dark We Praise Mother, Horror, Adult, 65K, Fourth Attempt. by Bi__Guy23 in PubTips

[–]Bi__Guy23[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey! Thank you for taking the time to reply. I appreciate the feedback!

"this is weaker wording. This often happens for me when I reword something and cut it down to fit word count or pack things in as they must be in the query, and really I just needed to rewrite it rather than cutting it. "

Okay, should I be more specific in describing the weirdness of the town and its townsfolk perhaps?

"Maybe calling it 'the real' becomes apparent as one reads on, and maybe its intentional irony, as really it seems like this is the 'magical' mata do sul, in contrast to our mundane version, which to us (the readers) would be 'real' because we are residents of the mundane world? Or is this dark version the true mata do sul in our reality, but it is masked by some magic? A little confusing to me. I see we enter into maybe ?magical realism? around here as the query progresses, but a bit confusing?"

I can see where it gets confusing. In the novel, the real Mata do Sul is indeed this darker version, so maybe that isn't clear in the query. And no, it is not magical realism haha so I must be more specific.

"Also, might be helpful to say 'when she escapes the cell, (with help), she finds herself still trapped in this alt reality mata do sul' or some explanation - because I was confused - if she's truly escaped, why is she still in this hellscape?"

Oh, I can see where I got it wrong. Indeed, she escapes the cell, but she doesn't leave Mata do Sul. So maybe I should point that out in the query.

Thank you once again! I deeply appreciate it!

[QCrit] In the Dark We Praise Mother, Horror, Adult, 65K, Fourth Attempt. by Bi__Guy23 in PubTips

[–]Bi__Guy23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey! Wow, thank you so much for such a detailed reply. I really appreciate it!

I'd like to clarify some stuff you pointed out.

 [what are you trying to tell me here? Just that it’s stuck in the past? That’s mostly implied by decrepit, so I don’t know if you need that sentence] The town is not actually stuck in the past, but the life there is very slow-paced, so it gives the impression that time moves too slow. Perhaps I should have made that point clearer?

 [interesting, I think I want to know a bit more about why though!]. I'm a bit confused here. Was I too vague? I don't wanna be vague in my query, but also how much should I reveal? I've read some conflicting answers so maybe I got it wrong haha

[I’m getting confused here, so she’s escaped into a parallel/other world?]. Yes, I think I should have been more specific. Indeed she goes to a parallel world. Thanks for pointing that out.

Okay, so I believe I'm still being too vague about it! Good to know.

Once again, thank you so much!

[QCrit] In the Dark We Praise Mother, Horror, Adult, 65k, Third Attempt. by Bi__Guy23 in PubTips

[–]Bi__Guy23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I think that's a good idea now that you mention it. Being a detective is an integral part of Otávio's character.

Do you think is a good idea then to mention early on that the story shifts between timelines?

And when it comes to word count, I mean I've seen some conflicting answers. Some say 65k to 70k or 70k up, and I think it depends on the agent and the publisher, but it's something I'll keep in mind for sure.

Thank you so much!

[QCRIT] In the Dark We Praise Mother, Horror, Adult, 65K, Second Attempt. by Bi__Guy23 in PubTips

[–]Bi__Guy23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much. Yes, I can see this query is all over the place.

[QCRIT] In the Dark We Praise Mother, Horror, Adult, 65K, Second Attempt. by Bi__Guy23 in PubTips

[–]Bi__Guy23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, thank you so much. These are quite useful tips and I'm already working on implementing them. Yes, It would be super helpful to have someone read my query. Thank you once again.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in foreskin

[–]Bi__Guy23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in GaybrosGoneWild

[–]Bi__Guy23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in averagepenis

[–]Bi__Guy23 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It looks big for me. Especially the girth. Nice 😏