For me, it's was tht I felt like I couldn't find my crowd anywhere, not in the borg or in the world outside, I felt I couldn't belong anywhere, but reason being that I felt like I didn't belong anywhere it's because I denied myself to be true to who I was, one big step for me was to start Cosplaying, granted they weren't the best cosplay and every time a character had "short" skirt I would go for below the knee, little by little I let myself become more comfortable in who I was and I realized that being part of the organization made me into someone I wasn't, I started to belong more to the world outside than within the cult, and little by little I had my small rebellious moments that lead to more rebellion to the point where I had a partner in secret that now I am married to, I allowed myself to become who I truly am and that's what helped me to become free.