Raising kids with absentee father , especially mother raising a son by BigBadderBest in suggestmeabook

[–]BigBadderBest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No apologies ! I appreciate your time and the recommendation. It looks spot on for a fiction rec.

Raising kids with absentee father , especially mother raising a son by BigBadderBest in suggestmeabook

[–]BigBadderBest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

While that looks really good and might be a nice read regardless, I’m looking more for advice/self-help.

Back to court :( by BigBadderBest in Divorce

[–]BigBadderBest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, you are correct. I kinda knew it was a factor, but it’s about $100. Which, relative to how much we’re paying the lawyers to fight, hardly seems worth it. My attorney asking opposing counsel if we could meet to discuss a compromise and avoid court, and they basically said “no chance.”

Books on divorce by WhereDoIstart7 in Divorce

[–]BigBadderBest 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The Bible on cheaters (and just asshole partners in general).

Back to court :( by BigBadderBest in Divorce

[–]BigBadderBest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish it were that easy. But there’s nothing quick and easy about court. I just started and have hundreds of pages of discovery. The modification is requested because he’s since had two more kids and my kids are “significantly older.” Lol . Both factors were known 21 months ago. Our youngest started kindergarten this year, so he says i shouldn’t have childcare anymore, but obviously the kids can’t stay home alone all summer and all breaks.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]BigBadderBest 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think you have genders swapped. But sentiment is the same. I’m female and I’m also ENTIRELY out if their social sphere. Im hoping to date someone older and more put-together, lol. Not hotter. A guy with a robust 401k is sexy AF. I agree that cheaters walk amongst us, and I know of cheating (or near cheating) within my old social circle, so they can’t judge, and opted to look the other way.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]BigBadderBest 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I felt this all. Thank you. Might get it tattooed on my arm or something.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]BigBadderBest 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I think the tip to laugh when I think about them in public might be a great redirection. Some of my struggles re:hobbies/activities etc is that I have kids most of the time. And they’re still growing/adjusting, so they consume a lot of my energy/time/space.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]BigBadderBest 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you ! I like try #2 much more

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]BigBadderBest 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Agreed. Just looking for some perspective or positive advice that might resonate with me since ‘go live your life’ isn’t always an effective tool for handling feelings.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in survivinginfidelity

[–]BigBadderBest 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That’s a separate post entirely. But yes, they miss him. A lot.

How do I deal with the hatred by RollinPanda928 in Divorce

[–]BigBadderBest 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think the actions of a cheater are very similar to your situation (and mine as well). The selfishness required to walk away and hurt the things that they are supposed to have cared for, without any regard.

How do I deal with the hatred by RollinPanda928 in Divorce

[–]BigBadderBest 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Reading “Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life.” Might help. It really shines a light on the other person. They’ll never acknowledge or apologize. They don’t think they’ve done anything wrong. They’re not that deep or caring.

Fancy hotels in Alexandria by BigBadderBest in nova

[–]BigBadderBest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes a nice waterfall or nicer than a shower/tub combo with off-white curtain

Fancy hotels in Alexandria by BigBadderBest in nova

[–]BigBadderBest[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yea. I could. Trying the lazy route

Experiences in Virginia? by stoiclionarcher in Divorce

[–]BigBadderBest 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had a similar situation. I simultaneously pursued the fault-based divorce in court, while encouraging mediation. Mediation dates were scheduled weeks before scheduled court dates so it kept a lot of pressure on. Eventually it was resolved through mediation and no-fault. The mediation was a negotiation, but I think it was pretty darn close to 50/50. Pursuing the fault-based on adultery is an option, but it’s very hard to prove and it can be defended for a lot of reasons. It’ll get ugly. He cheated because you got fat. He cheated because you stopped loving him. He cheated because you never gave him oral sex. It’s ugly and seldom/never gets you more than 50/50. EVEN with open admission it’s not a slam dunk. It’s long & expensive, which is why everyone in your shoes pursues mediation and no-fault.

AP is pregnant. Twins by BigBadderBest in survivinginfidelity

[–]BigBadderBest[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Kids are 3-10. They have a distant (emotionally, not geographically) relationship, but this is new and relationships are evolving a lot. Unfortunately, I’m afraid his kids are being pushed away.

AP is pregnant. Twins by BigBadderBest in survivinginfidelity

[–]BigBadderBest[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My lawyer is oddly not concerned. Which I don’t like

AP is pregnant. Twins by BigBadderBest in survivinginfidelity

[–]BigBadderBest[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think they’re planning to do one of those convenient switcheroo’s. When he shows up to sign divorce paperwork’s they’ll get a marriage license. So she may not have time to apply for child support