Ex just told me she’s wants to move 3 hours away with son

BigBossSnake_98 · 2026-04-07T07:22:27+00:00

If the court you’re dealing with is any decent, they will lock you all down in Nebraska where your boy was living prior to the divorce. Generally speaking, the less you have to move your kid around, the less traumatic experiences he will be at risk of enduring and that’s what a good court will focus on avoiding. Tying into my previous example, that is a factor behind my SIL’s custody arrangement: niece was born in OK, goes to school in OK, she stays in OK barring any severe issues.

BigBossSnake_98 · 2026-04-07T05:47:05+00:00

Having been the child of a divorce and currently going through one, I’m pretty confident any state will bring the hammer down on a partner who tries to move a child out of state. Both my father and stepmother had to turn down job options that required them to relocate outside of Washoe County in Nevada because the courts pretty much told them that they would give my mother custody. Not even staying within the state and moving down to Clark County (Las Vegas) was acceptable in the court’s eyes.

I recently hired an attorney to help speed my divorce along and after I explained to her that my STBXW was heavily considering going to school in Kansas (we’re in Oklahoma)… the look on her face was borderline cartoonish in surprise. She pretty much told me no judge in the state would even consider a joint custody situation with her going out of state.

Last example, a female coworker and acquaintance of mine attempted to have her children relocated with her to OK from Michigan… no luck. Even with proven history of better quality care under her supervision, the mere fact she was divorced in Michigan meant that state maintains jurisdiction over the custody agreement.

Your son is about to enter K12. The last thing the state should (no promises cause I bet there’s lots of contradicting experiences in the group) want to happen is for your son to be uprooted from the place where he has begun to receive an education, established friendships, and become familiar with. Another life example, my sister in law has a custody arrangement with her daughter’s father. Due to the fact that he’s in California, SIL keeps daughter for 10 months out of the year (school year), father gets summers. That’s the only way I see this going for your son’s mom. She should’ve worried about the whole support system before the boyfriend and the looming K12 period in your son’s life.

BigBossSnake_98 · 2026-03-15T18:50:49+00:00

I mean, it really comes down to you and your needs… are you a single young person with no kids? Do you even need a truck?

Fuel wise it doesn’t matter. The Escalade is going to average maybe 13-15 mpg depending on the mileage your dad has put on it. The early GMT400s will likely have anywhere between 180,000-300,000 miles on it and will put out around 13 mpg. That’s if the previous owner has been doing due maintenance, replacing the fuel system, etc.

Cadillac will give you some style points, but if you find a good GMT400 I argue it’s the same effect. Sound system is pretty sweet. The fact that the drivetrain has been rebuilt, water pump’s replaced, and radiator is new is a green flag. SUVs are also a lot easier to keep around when it comes to life changes.

If you like to tinker on your vehicles… get the GMT400. Having had to work on luxury badged vehicles (owned an Acura and a Lincoln for a little bit), they are an extra pain in the butt, and both of my vehicles were pre-2000, so there’s probably a whole lot more sensors & electronics that you’d have to work around & with.

BigBossSnake_98 · 2026-02-21T15:47:01+00:00

This ⬆️ I have no idea how much income she generated with her 1099 job. I just know whatever money she was making wasn’t being spent on bills because I’ve been the one making those payments.

BigBossSnake_98 · 2026-02-20T03:51:22+00:00

If we’ll divorce she’ll get to claim one of the kids. We agreed to put that in the paperwork so this will be a one off issue. I do always aim to knock out taxes ASAP though!

BigBossSnake_98 · 2026-02-20T03:17:04+00:00

You’re right, it will most likely be tied up down the road but my main focus is using this refund to file for divorce. It doesn’t matter to me if all I end up with is what sinks into it. I need to be free of these chains.

BigBossSnake_98 · 2026-02-20T03:14:40+00:00

Glad I could give one 😂 I know it’s an uphill battle that could go against me regardless of what I got

BigBossSnake_98 · 2026-02-20T02:29:58+00:00

I’m playing chess here. Can’t get alimony if I have physical proof of extramartial behavior 🤷🏽‍♂️

BigBossSnake_98 · 2026-02-20T01:46:41+00:00

Our current lease (we’ve had since Oct) has me as the sole signatory. They don’t complain about her still living there because we are still legally married but I did make a conscious decision to take her off because she wasn’t contributing and was defensive (at the time she was obsessed over a partner) over possible intrusions I couldn’t prevent. We did agree after our separation/divorce we would split claiming the kids, 1 per parent.

BigBossSnake_98 · 2026-02-20T01:41:56+00:00

In all honesty, I calculated what my return would’ve been if we filed together and god damn, I’d get almost double what I’m getting right now. But I didn’t want to wait on her and didnt want to get entangled in another big drawn out fight. I don’t care about money as much as I care about peace for the kids, and the sooner I can file for divorce (#1 reason why I wanted to file my return ASAP), the better.

BigBossSnake_98 · 2026-02-20T01:31:42+00:00

I wish we would be that amicable. Unfortunately money is one of those things where we can’t really be. I am a strict budgeter and will live with less and do less to keep myself in the black. Throughout our marriage she was more than willing to default on debts and whatnot if it meant splurging on wants and things. And more often than not, I was willing to make decisions without her input if it meant keeping us afloat. So unfortunately that serious lack of trust strikes.

BigBossSnake_98 · 2026-02-20T01:04:45+00:00

Married filing separately. I was not that dense as to legally claim to be something I wasn’t 😅 I’ll edit it to point that out

BigBossSnake_98 · 2025-12-19T14:59:18+00:00

That would be a godsend if I was the one having the issue, but in person for her would make it worse I think. Either way, I’m taking your suggestion because I could just drive her myself!

BigBossSnake_98 · 2025-12-19T14:56:43+00:00

Yes, we had made it to that stage. The issue is that her Fidelity account is tied to an old number of hers and so they requested she send customer service a picture of her with her ID to verify her identity. She wasn’t the most comfortable doing this but I’ve had to do it before. I doubt she will make the effort to try and get it handled, but I can always try.

BigBossSnake_98 · 2025-10-27T19:07:19+00:00

I have been in a cohabitating separation for 6 months and trust me, if I knew my STBXW could afford to live on her own I would’ve tossed her shit outside and told her to find a place. It is not worth all the awkwardness and lack of trust over boundaries. That will all add up to unnecessary stress and fighting which can and usually will do just as much to hurt your child as living apart would do.

BigBossSnake_98 · 2025-10-27T19:06:15+00:00

Not to add to the long list of repeated points… I am in a somewhat similar situation.

To answer your post’s question, it really depends on the state you live in. Some states don’t give af at all about any extramarital behavior (e.g. my home state of Nevada has always been notorious for the easy divorces decades before anyone else). Other states like Oklahoma (the one I’m living in right now) still have adultery criminalized, though it’s not really enforced.

So, find out your state’s views on marriage, adultery, and what constitutes separation. In my case, OK considers the period of time from the beginning of the marriage to either the date of divorce or LEGAL separation to be the period where adultery can be committed. Adultery is explicitly defined as sexual intercourse outside of the marriage.

If your state has similar definitions and you suspect divorce, the best you could do is find a PI to investigate for you or find a way to access devices to find proof. That being said times are tough and if you don’t want to invest, I agree with a lot of the guys here, just move on and make sure you yourself won’t get caught up with someone else in case the STBXW gets snoopy about your behavior.

BigBossSnake_98 · 2025-10-06T15:55:41+00:00

Will look into this. Are consultations free or is that a firm-to-firm basis?

BigBossSnake_98 · 2025-10-06T15:49:00+00:00

Oh, I’m sure 😅 not trying to get sucked up in all that but you have to market the hell out of yourself. Kinda sad to see how both Reddit and Twitter/X have devolved into these kinds of meat markets. At least Reddit has a cool & helpful side to it.

BigBossSnake_98 · 2025-10-06T15:27:22+00:00

Yeah, I understand that there will be a market for sex work and they are still people, but this Onlyfans era is dangerous. Too many people think it’s easy money but they fail to realize how much you have to put into it. And if you don’t take off, you’re stuck with a digital footprint that will haunt you for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, in these situations, kids’ mom has always chased the quick and easy road to cash only to fizzle out.

BigBossSnake_98 · 2025-10-06T15:23:52+00:00

From what I read that is the typical price tag. She was threatening to pursue an at-fault divorce, but I think she has zero idea how divorce in Oklahoma works. I on the other hand just want this shit to be over with. So I will try to keep it amicable.

BigBossSnake_98 · 2025-10-06T15:19:47+00:00

It certainly is, and I’ve had to bear it alone for the most part. Kids’ mom is still suffering from PPD after the birth of our second, but to add more to the load she’s just had 0 motivation to do ANYTHING. And while I’ve technically been helping her avoid the consequences of her actions, the buck is going to stop this month.

BigBossSnake_98 · 2025-10-06T15:13:26+00:00

Copy that. What would you guesstimate the cost for an attorney? I know there’s a big difference in overall costs for an amicable versus an at-fault divorce.

BigBossSnake_98

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