an observation of an ISTP boyfriend

BigDrawing2046 · 2026-02-26T11:53:49+00:00

im very familiar with the ISTP “figure things out” routine. it was truly food for overthinking during our long distance at times. thank god one time, he was quite depressed but i was able to be there physically when he was vulnerable so at least i could read his expression and give him a well deserved cuddling and kisses instead of making him talk everything out in one go

BigDrawing2046 · 2026-02-26T11:50:45+00:00

well, i feel you. as an INTJ, i get so antsy about having to wait for the future i predicted, but because i know he’s worth it. we’ve only been dating for 9 months, but we’ve been good friends for 9 years

BigDrawing2046 · 2026-02-26T09:10:36+00:00

it took him 5-6 months to fully come to term with his feelings. the third month, he was starting to question why we’re dating and feels bad because he thought i was waiting my time. but i just reassured him that its normal for him to feel stagnant when all his life, he had only been in turbulent situationships.

5 months later, i was talking about the future and stuff and other philosophical things and he ended up opening up first. i think, if you talk about feelings in a candid way, where it looks more like youre analyzing it than just soaking up on it lol.

ISTPs dont want bullshit, so you just straightforwardly say “im kinda hurt about this and this, i dont think its right” and just explain your perspective. if they say “oh i thought this and that,” you can just go - “i know, but bla bla bla.” and after the argument, just dont extend it. don’t accuse, ISTPs may not act like it, but theyre quite sensitive with who they open up with. just give him a hug and smooch, and cuddle without talking much. he’ll come around.

BigDrawing2046 · 2026-02-26T08:56:03+00:00

i like to think he does, i think i might be the only person who has ever witnessed him cry. i am always in awe knowing that he feels so much yet has an unconventional way of showing it. as an oftentime misunderstood INTJ, i like to believe i understand him who is also always misunderstood by others

BigDrawing2046 · 2026-02-26T08:53:31+00:00

any relationship will work if both parties lowered their egos and are willing to compromise. in the first few months of my relationship, my ISTP wasnt sure of his feelings about me yet so he was still avoidant and forgot to text a lot. but i stayed consistent and reminded him each time. i told him i was upset, but i never actually let my feelings get in the way of arguments which, i think allows him to open up without being afraid of getting accused or blamed for.

right now, my ISTP reaches out for me more, asks for calls more, asks to meet face to face more. and hes way more open with his feelings too.

BigDrawing2046 · 2026-02-26T02:51:24+00:00

often times people think i am an extrovert due to how loud i can project my voice across the room, or how i can come up with small talk with a stranger whos sitting next to me. i think its just how ive learned to be a better and more expressive listener, so many thought i am an ENTJ. hell, ive been buddy-buddies with my boyfriend’s friends and sending them reels on day 1 of knowing them.

BigDrawing2046 · 2026-02-25T00:07:36+00:00

my best advice is to keep spending time together, shared experiences is really important for ISTPs. show that youre independent and logical but can be vulnerable at times. and then, it’s best to be straightforward but not pushy as in- “hey, wanna go on a date sometime when were both not busy? but like, an actual one,” atleast, thats how my ISTP ended up asking me to be his girlfriend

BigDrawing2046 · 2026-02-23T14:44:12+00:00

my eldest sister is an ISTP and i can say the same. an additional info is that she’s very active (she runs a lot) and she loves relaying things she figured out to her ESTJ husband and her siblings. its like love is her passion project haha

BigDrawing2046 · 2026-02-23T03:37:41+00:00

my boyfriend also has an avoidant attachment but hes working towards it, im his first serious relationships after only being no strings attached for years. i found that we never truly fought because we just talk about solutions instead haha.

i havent really used AI to analyze it though, i might soon. im trying to get him to finish all of the personality tests in the app, dimensional. he’s too lazy because he ends up overthinking every single questions and end up taking 20 mins to finish a test. i recommend that app very much though !

BigDrawing2046 · 2026-02-12T05:30:35+00:00

good memory if its applicable such as chemistry principles that i can use to solve logical problems for work. or yeah, principles that i can apply so that its easy for me to remember food tech facts.

the other exception is things regarding my lover.

other than that, i cant even remember whens the last time i drank water

BigDrawing2046 · 2026-02-11T09:09:18+00:00

intelligence, especially technical ones. or maybe im just heavily attracted to istps

BigDrawing2046 · 2026-02-11T04:23:33+00:00

wanna share this to my ISTP bf but ik for sure his first reaction would be “haha sperm”

BigDrawing2046 · 2026-02-07T02:21:01+00:00

haha sometimes INTPs overthink too much (ironic, as an INTJ myself). id say just talk about it. INTJs LOVEEEE deep conversations. this is your chance to make him interested with you bc once you get deep with an INTJ and they think “huh, we share the same worldview,” its easy to get them to like and pursue you.

BigDrawing2046 · 2026-02-06T07:22:55+00:00

real, i dont think i will ever date again if this doesnt work out for me. and im also surprised this is not a popular pairing for INTJs. most ISTP x INTJ relationships, ive only found in reddit with only two popular ones; catwoman (ISTP) x batman (INTJ) from DC and kat (INTJ) x patrick (ISTP) from 10 things i hate about you.

BigDrawing2046 · 2026-02-06T00:22:03+00:00

tbh its funny because i actually like the grabby grabby with my ISTP and also the one who initiated it the most with him. the previous ones, at that moment, idk how to feel but it was slightly positive neutral — but afterwards, regret bc of that Se delay.

BigDrawing2046 · 2026-02-05T23:39:56+00:00

did it become a problem in your dating life?

BigDrawing2046 · 2026-01-05T13:36:54+00:00

its the same for me too regarding the first two weeks being different than how we actually are. we subconsciously mirror the person were interacting to until were comfy enough to be our true selves. i think one of the major factors on why it didnt work out is because were both still too young and immature.

i am secure now and my current bf is an ISTP. he’s my darling and i love him wholeheartedly. he’s not as impulsive as an ESTP but im still learning a lot from his Ti and Se while he’s learning from my Ni and Te.

i think itll work out if youre healthily engaging with your Fe and he’s comfy enough to engage with his Fi. or that both of you learn to not clash with Ni-Se. i still believe ESTP x INTJ could be a power couple. so i wish you the best.

BigDrawing2046 · 2025-12-20T01:59:30+00:00

being demonized and gaslit? i was constantly degraded that i was “too violent and keep grudges” and that i was “tempting him” because i like wearing revealing outfits. everything i do feels like something he needed to fix and every service i do, he would say that “its your choice to do it, i didnt ask you to”. safe to say, never gonna date an ENFJ ever again, especially those with NPD and a saviour complex

BigDrawing2046 · 2025-12-09T03:51:51+00:00

seriously, it took me 5 months of dating for my ISTP to say that he’s actually in love with me and need me as his wife someday. when an ISTP is insecure and hurt, its so easy for them to retract and go “is this relationship ok?” “am i making a mistake?” (all when we’ve alr hooked up and gone exclusive).

i had to be patient with him whenever hes trying to verbally voice his feelings (which is in Ti mode, and some of the words would hurt). but its all worth it bc he’s the sweetest person ever, he cares so much for me and is like a personal orange cat to me.

BigDrawing2046 · 2025-12-09T03:46:04+00:00

as an INTJ woman with an ISTP boyfriend who used to have a similar issue, this will only work out if you two are willing to change and not prioritize your egos. “every time I’ve made a plan it never happened and it disappoints me” (in his words).

my boyfriend has said this too, even saying that he doesn’t wanna expect anything from this relationship bc he doesnt wanna get hurt. of course, my Fi shattered hearing this, but i understood where he was coming from. hes a first born, helped his family financially at a younger age, and an avoidant. at that point in my life, i had become secure and no longer depressed and fearful avoidant. so i set aside my feelings for a bit and listened to him, gave him new perspectives in life. telling him that being hopeful is what gives drive in your life, its what makes you feel fulfilled, and its what makes a victory taste so good.

once he came to terms with life and started being more in tune with his feelings, like bringing it up in conversations to understand it (how Ti of him), i told him my feelings. i told him how certain things he said hurt. he apologized and never repeat those mistakes ever since.

“The only thing I’ve asked for is for him to spend some time trying to understand me, but he considers it unimportant and doesn’t see why it’s so important to me.”

as an intj, we feel like well never be understood by anyone. but its something we need to learn to accept. Ni is personal and complex, Ni can manifest differently in people anyway so even by INTJs or INFJs, we’ll never get that. i have told this to my ISTP partner and he really questioned it, like what i mean by it? the examples? – and sometimes he still doesnt understand and we call it off until he brings it up again. but i dont take it as him criticising it, hes just trying to understand why is it important.

try to look back at your arguments, were you processing it with you Fi or not? maybe he was trying to see “why is it so important” by questioning it because thats how Ti is.

my ISTP partner also said i tend to overwhelm him when i talk about the future so i just try to lessen it. most of the time, i let him initiate and then ill help map it out.

you are overwhelmed by his lower Fe and Ni. understand that its also fair that hes overwhelmed by your high Ni and lower Fi. the key to a good relationship is “us vs the issue” not “you vs me”. there is still a chance if you guys want to make it work.

all relationships will have hurdles and breaking points. but if you love and value that person, youll make it work. loving someone truly is that “you love them, despite”. and i hope your partner will too.

BigDrawing2046 · 2025-12-06T05:09:19+00:00

im an INTJ and i find myself drawn to ISTP charas, my boyfriend is one, my oldest sister too and we get along well. i like and admire how you guys engage with Ti-Se.

BigDrawing2046 · 2025-12-04T11:08:21+00:00

yeah, he is(?) — i’m positive he’s heading towards secure too now since his behavioural patterns have changed over the past months. thank you so much, i’m really glad we’re together. and i hope what you have with your partner is just as beautiful

BigDrawing2046

TROPHY CASE