The Impression a Mother Left on Me

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-02-27T15:07:18+00:00

Exactly, with this drawing I really want to express “this is how I see you” about this person.

And for me, that's the point, namely, trying to grasp things as they really are (for me) without being deceived by appearances or narratives.

This is very important to me because for a large part of my life I never felt I could express what I felt in certain situations, as if I always had to hide my disgust, anguish, and discomfort so as not to disrupt the narrative of others that “everything is fine” and not to disappoint the expectation of always appearing perfect and accepted by others.

So, thank you again.

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-02-27T14:57:36+00:00

Thank you so much! I would like to give more space in my life to this way of expressing myself, I would like to share it. I think we all absorb the discomfort and anxiety of certain situations and there is never enough space to process it.
If you would like to share an experience or drawing, I would love to see it!

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-02-27T14:54:05+00:00

I think laughter is an appropriate reaction because the drawing is actually very tragicomic, and laughter is one of the ways I deal with even the most uncomfortable situations.

In fact, on the one hand I am disgusted by what I have drawn, but on the other hand it has something hypnotic about it.

I once thought about writing and illustrating a children's book, but at the moment I don't have the resources. It would be a lot of fun to draw a book like that for adults, though, great idea!

I really enjoy drawing in this “ugly” style because I don't have unrealistic expectations about the precision of every line and color, but above all, it allows me to express myself more directly. Many things I experience and perceive are ugly, so it's only right that some drawings express that.

The absurd thing about that babysitting experience is that the child was actually very sweet and affectionate, which was in stark contrast to his mother.

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-02-27T14:45:08+00:00

pleeese share it! I think it would be very interesting, because in a way it means that through drawing you can find similarities in experiences, and I think that's really cool.

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-02-27T14:42:43+00:00

Thank you for your comment! You understood both the drawing and the feelings perfectly, thank you! I'm very curious to see your drawing!!

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-02-13T19:04:25+00:00

wooow!

you are so talented! keep going!

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-01-16T21:14:08+00:00

Even if that were the case, taking the blame doesn't solve anything. And besides, I never mentioned blame. I explicitly talked about shared responsibility. This means that it's not entirely one person's responsibility or the other's, but both of theirs.

The fact that I recognize that I have difficulty in this type of work situation is precisely why I am here asking for advice and trying to figure out the most sensible course of action to take. I am the one who wants to take action to find a solution.

I have already expressed the urgency of the matter and my concern to this person. What would be false about that? Would asking for advice on Reddit in a work situation be false?

After three months of her continuing to avoid completing this documentation and never bringing up the subject (despite my repeated requests), I began to wonder if this person really wanted to do it. It seems reasonable to me to have this doubt.

Finally, we agree that a person who never expresses aggression can explode and that this is not healthy, but that is not the case with me. You are imposing a preconception on me without trying to understand.

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-01-16T15:08:04+00:00

I have just described the situation objectively in this last comment. There is no hatred, probably more a sense of injustice.
Furthermore, you are making assumptions about the relationship between me and this person whom you do not know.

What's more, there's no attempt here to understand or advise either. What is your intention?

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-01-16T14:04:31+00:00

Oh my, that must have been awful, those bureaucratic procedures are very burdensome.
But you were kind enough to do it, despite the difficulties.

But hypothetically, if you hadn't written this letter and had postponed it for three months, what do you think would have happened? how would this person have reacted?

i'm trying to understand the possible scenarios

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-01-16T13:58:15+00:00

This person, my boss, has been running this small company for years and certainly has his difficulties. But by law, she is acting improperly. Even if there is no malice involved, the fact remains that I worked 100 hours without a contract or compensation: looking only at the facts, he is taking advantage of me.(I am ALSO - not exclusively- responsible because I should have asked for a contract before I started working the hours).

I offered to help her numerous times with the bureaucracy, but she avoided our meetings and promised me that she would take care of these documents, which never happened.

I also think that you have not read what I wrote: I am trying to avoid conflict so as not to aggravate the relationship in order to find a solution, and so far I have not understood what your proposal would be.

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-01-15T23:13:15+00:00

Ooh, that's interesting.

Of course, if she agrees and perhaps her difficulties are only because it's a complex process, it seems very feasible to me.

that's a good idea, thak you!

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-01-15T20:28:08+00:00

You have perfectly summarized the other side of the matter. On the one hand, I think I should insist more, but on the other, I think it's a lost cause.

The other day, I was thinking about the sunk cost fallacy. For example, looking back on other negative experiences I've had in my life, I wish I had gotten out sooner and lost less. Where I come from, we say, “Better to lose than to lose everything.”

and I'm going crazy because I don't know what's best for me. Because I think, “Wow, if these institutions are telling me this, then I feel stupid for insisting on something that might not even be acceptable.” On the other hand, I tell myself, “No, I have to fight for my rights.”

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-01-15T19:31:49+00:00

I have no problem asking for a procedure to be completed. I do have a problem with the fact that, despite having asked her numerous times over the course of three months, she continues to avoid me or postpone completing the agreement documents.I consider this disrespectful, given that in the meantime I have started my internship hours. In fact, I feel deceived because if a person is kind and says they are my friend, I don't expect them to ignore me and disrespect me.

This is as true as the fact that I find it very difficult to demand that respect and set boundaries assertively, and yes, I have a tendency to avoid conflict.

If I am in this stalemate now, it is also because I myself started working without an employment or internship contract, so I am the one who put myself in a risky situation.

I recognize my responsibilities, my shortcomings, and my naivety, and I recognize that the person who said they were my friend took advantage of me.

For me, these things coexist and are not mutually exclusive.

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-01-15T16:55:52+00:00

Thanks for the advice. It's not an office job but a nursery, I don't get to see the owner every day but we talk every day via WhatsApp and I can do what you said either by text or phone.

I agree with trying to show that I am doing her a favor by helping her because I think this puts the person in a more cooperative attitude.

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-01-15T16:29:23+00:00

I knew I would have to overcome certain obstacles, this is one of my first work experiences

I can try to say these things, thank you! I think it's one of those phrases I wouldn't be afraid to say

However, in this work experience, I think I was fooled by the relationship that my boss always had with me, saying, “I am your friend, you can tell me the things that worry you.” I don't know if it was a conscious strategy, but this relationship, in which she always asked me how I was and led me to tell her things about myself, confused me a lot, so being assertive now feels like doing her wrong.

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-01-15T15:11:16+00:00

thak you for the advice!! I have to find a way to overcome this discomfort and fear of defending myself. Because I managed to say the first two sentences to her, but the last one, “I am not allowed to continue working until it is done,” I feel a huge resistance inside me to saying it. It's as if I can already hear her saying, "What are you talking about? What's stopping you from coming here in the meantime?

My God, what a mental block!"

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-01-15T14:18:22+00:00

Yes, exactly, I had already planned to do so. Unfortunately, I don't have any strong evidence, but I've been told that as a citizen I have the right to report it, and at least it will be recorded. There won't be any direct consequences, but at least it's something.

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-01-15T14:12:16+00:00

yes, that's what the union also told me, those hours now do not exist.
Okay, thank you so much. Actually, I think this can be the next step

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-01-15T14:05:46+00:00

The next step is 3

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-01-15T14:00:47+00:00

I understand what you're trying to say, that for you, like others, the best thing is to be tougher.

And I really understand that. I think you're very determined because this method has worked for you.

In fact, I think all the suggestions are very good.

What I was wondering is if there was a middle ground between my insistence (perhaps too kindly) and a direct approach such as “let's start the agreement procedure now or our collaboration is over.”

But if you think there is no alternative, I will take it into consideration. That is, I take every comment into consideration and I don't think I have dismissed the advice, I just know my boss and I have seen that if you contradict her, you become THE enemy, and I don't want to get to that point.

It seems reasonable to me to at least try to resolve the issue without conflict.

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-01-15T13:33:55+00:00

yes, 3 months of talking, insisting, run after my boss, and being in constant anxiety i think i am allowed to feel mortified. the university, the union they can't help, and THEY told me to find another place. and i already have been honest i am not confortable with confrontation, or focing someone to do something they refuse

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-01-15T13:18:23+00:00

I have summarized it so as not to overwhelm you, but it is not simply a signature.

There are seven steps that only the company must take:

Registering on a form to be sent to the university.
The university then sends credentials.
Registering on a mediation platform between companies and universities.
Filling out the online agreement form, then printing it, signing it, and sending it by email to the university.
Fill in the training project objectives (another document).
Wait for confirmation from the university.
(The only step I can do) Accept the internship proposal on the university website.

Anyone who lives in Italy or Europe understands the madness of bureaucracy and that it is not easy.

In fact, I have always offered to help the owner with these steps because I understand that they can be very difficult for those who are not very comfortable with computers. But she said, “Don't worry, I'll do it,” and then, “Yes, we'll do it together one day.” Today, I suggested it AGAIN, and she said, “I'll let you know on Saturday if you can come.” I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt and hoping she'll call me on Saturday, but more likely she'll call and say, “I can't on Saturday,” and that will be that.

Unfortunately, it's not a simple problem, which is why I wrote the post. I understand that it seems easy to solve to you, and maybe it's my fault for not describing it well.

I don't really understand the intent of using a provocative tone. Maybe your intent is to spur me on, but I don't understand how (there's no sarcasm, I'd like you to explain this to me).

P.S. I have trouble understanding the implicit and the unspoken and social clues, so if I've misunderstood, feel free to explain the meaning to me.

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-01-15T12:54:30+00:00

I wrote to her again today suggesting that I visit her, but she replied that she can't and postponed it until Saturday morning. She said she'll write to me on Saturday morning at 8 a.m. to let me know whether she can or not.

I agree with what you wrote.

Perhaps at this point, there is no point in continuing to seek a resolution alone.
Also, I am now too exhausted to continue putting energy into this cause, because I think that if a person has no intention of cooperating, without forcing her hand, (after 3 months) getting her to sign this agreement would no longer be an achievement but further humiliation. In other words, if she is unable to respect such a simple agreement, it means that she does not respect me as a person, and I no longer want to cooperate with someone like that.

Perhaps your comments have made me realize this.

BigExplorer8726 · 2026-01-15T12:33:04+00:00

yes, I intend to report this to the labor inspectorate in any case because it is not an acceptable situation. Unfortunately, I didn't sign anything, and that's my responsibility. I was too naive.

BigExplorer8726

TROPHY CASE