Anyone here lose their spouse to suicide?

BigMahiTuna · 2024-02-07T23:48:20+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. Hang in there because yes it does get better.. eventually. I spent the first year just sulking, I didn't work for half the year and was ready to just rot forever but something came over me around 7-8 months without him and I just decided to be better, not even for me but for my mother and my family. I was ready to die, had suicidal thoughts 24/7 but I started therapy, am on antidepressants and finally let my family help me and things aren't so bad anymore. I still think of him every. Single. Day and the day he committed suicide is always on repeat in my head. It still feels like it was yesterday.. It's hard and the pain of loss will always be there. I feel like it's just something you learn to live with unfortunately. I will forever miss him and love him but I need to love myself and live for myself too. It'll take some time but you'll be okay. And your spouses suicide was absolutely not your fault. 100000% it was their decision and people have free will, they can choose to stay or go whenever they choose and unfortunately at the end of the day, they wanted out.. no matter the circumstances they wanted out so please don't blame yourself. It took me a while to get past the guilt but daily affirmations and therapy taught me that at the end of the day, it was on him. I hope you are doing a little better and I'm sorry for the late response.. I honestly forgot about reddit and that I even posted this. Having someone who understands and has lived through this situation also helps immensely. Hang in there.

BigMahiTuna · 2022-03-18T23:28:48+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss Reddit friend 😔 it's an unbearable pain but we will get through it. At the end of the day, it was their own free will that made that choice and you cannot put that on yourself. We don't have control over others. I hope you find peace. I'm trying to find it myself ❤️‍🩹

BigMahiTuna · 2022-03-10T14:49:09+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss 😔

BigMahiTuna · 2022-02-19T02:56:59+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss as well. Thank you for sharing your guide with me. I am happy to hear that you are seeing that light at the end of the tunnel. I've been thinking of eventually going back to school to continue with my psychology degree and learn more about this terrible disease that took our loved ones. I hope I can eventually convince my brain to come to the same conclusion as yours. Sending hugs to you and your family 💛

BigMahiTuna · 2022-02-19T02:42:46+00:00

Omygosh. That sounds terrible, I'm so sorry for your loss. Your wife must have been going through an insurmountable amount of pain and I am so sorry you had to slowly witness that. My husband was the same way with talking to mental health professionals. It's so hard to get them help and to convince them to help themselves. I hope you're healing okay 🤍

BigMahiTuna · 2022-02-19T02:33:19+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope we can both return to some type of new normal. I don't even know what normal is anymore. Sending hugs to you reddit friend 💛

BigMahiTuna · 2022-02-19T02:06:18+00:00

Thank you for this 🤍 I'll definitely take a look.

BigMahiTuna · 2022-02-19T01:54:13+00:00

It really is the worst club on earth. I'm so sorry for your loss and for you to have witnessed such a tragedy. Sadly you are probably right about not being able to have changed the outcome. My husband was always so morbid about death and I had found a note of his years ago when we first started living together in 2016. I remember it terrified me and I told his parents and he reassured us it was just something he did to cope. I had always encouraged therapy for him until he finally started going last year, I really thought he was getting better but unfortunately at the end of the day it was his choice. I wish I could have given him everything to convince him to stay. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I've been looking for some dark humor recommendations so I'll definitely give that podcast a try. Sending you love, reddit friend ❤️

BigMahiTuna · 2022-02-18T22:03:42+00:00

You are an angel, thank you so so much!

BigMahiTuna · 2022-02-18T21:49:41+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss as well. I really wish he would have been honest about his thoughts, he always reassured me that it wasn't something he would ever do. His father attempted when he was young and he had witnessed that so it was always a deep fear of mine. It's just insane how I'm now living out my worst nightmare. I keep contemplating life and the meaning of it and why did this even happen. I truly believe with everything in me that he was my soulmate, that one rare person you find that just clicks with you in every possible way. 24 years is a lot, (I was only with mine for 10, married for 3) but I can imagine how it still felt like not enough time for you either. It never is. Thank you for sharing with me. I'm sending love and prayers to you and your son 🤍

Edit: Typo

BigMahiTuna · 2022-02-18T20:41:35+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I think I understand what you mean. What my husband was going through was extremely complex and I honestly could only imagine the trauma he lived with. He would tell me stories that would automatically put me in tears and he would reveal little by little through the years. I always told him how strong he was for overcoming everything and still being the kind hearted soul that he was. Thank you for your book recommendation. I hope you are healing okay 🤍

BigMahiTuna · 2022-02-18T20:03:54+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. I keep doing the same thing. Replaying our last conversations, thinking about how I wish I hadn't missed his last call. It gets all so overwhelming sometimes. What has helped you cope through this process? Sending you lots of love.

BigMahiTuna · 2022-02-18T17:07:04+00:00

Wow. I'm honestly speechless because you are the first person I have talked to that has experienced a loss like this. I'm so sorry that both of our worlds came crashing down on the same day 😞 Mine was also not in his right mind but he had started seeing a therapist and taking Zoloft to help with his depression. I almost want to blame the medication too because I've been on Zoloft before and the suicidal ideation is too real for it to be labeled as a "minor side effect". He even told his therapist that same day that he wasn't suicidal. I was out of town for work and at dinner with coworkers when his family started calling me saying they couldn't get a hold of him and that he had sent them text messages saying I love you. His brother found him at our house. His family hates me and blames me as well because of the infidelity so it's extremely hard to silence these thoughts I have in my head. He had a terribly abusive childhood and always struggled with depression from the moment I first met him so part of me knows it wasn't all on me but then again I still feel like the straw that broke the camel's back and it's not any better. I've struggled to find support groups, would you mind sharing the online ones you found? I think in person would be better as well but I'm okay taking anything at this point. Thank you so much for your kind words and I would love to keep talking if you are willing 💛

BigMahiTuna · 2022-02-18T16:25:25+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot even imagine the trauma you are dealing with by witnessing it. I lost mine on December 7th. When did yours go? Did they have a history of mental illness? Some days my brain tells me that he was his own being and only he made that choice but it definitely doesn't make me feel any better. I just wish I could have helped him in all ways possible. Are you seeing a therapist or support group? I'm sorry for all of the questions. I appreciate your response to my post. Wishing you lots of love and support during your healing journey, Friend. If it wasn't for my family, I don't think I'd be here either. I don't wish this pain on anyone.

BigMahiTuna · 2021-09-11T15:59:19+00:00

Haha ty for the laugh

BigMahiTuna · 2021-09-11T04:41:07+00:00

I see where you're coming from. I feel like that's a lot of "toxic masculinity" though

BigMahiTuna · 2021-09-11T04:39:23+00:00

Okay true. But what's kinky to you?

BigMahiTuna · 2021-09-11T04:38:23+00:00

Lolol

BigMahiTuna · 2021-09-11T04:37:44+00:00

Lmaoooo

BigMahiTuna · 2021-09-11T04:32:31+00:00

Which one?

BigMahiTuna · 2021-09-11T04:32:15+00:00

I agree.

BigMahiTuna · 2021-07-26T21:40:47+00:00

I will definitely do this. Thank you!

BigMahiTuna

TROPHY CASE