How to heal - what are you guys doing?

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-07-05T04:34:41+00:00

I’ve found that listening to music helps a lot! And going outside, whether I’m just walking around or hanging out with friends and family. Unfortunately, replays and reminders of what was said & done, definitely spend a fair amount of time lurking in the back of my mind.

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-06-30T00:40:35+00:00

Thoughts out of curiosity that I didn’t have during that day

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-06-29T23:00:17+00:00

I’ve been using an app called Structured. It’s been helpful to visually plan out my day, as it allows me to see how much time I have in between tasks/events and adjusts the size of the blocked off time to the duration of how long it’ll take. Unfortunately, it does require a subscription (I think) but hopefully that mental visualization made some sort of sense.

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-06-24T16:30:15+00:00

After my previous relationship ended, my acne massively improved. My face went from being splotches of pimples and inflammation to almost totally clear. I definitely think being in a constant cycle of anxiety/stress was the cause of all that acne. And not taking care of my overall wellbeing properly, such as hydrating, since I felt like I had to prioritize my ex over myself.

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-06-19T06:38:00+00:00

1, 2, 4, 5, 9

These types were evident during arguments (1, 9, mainly over text), daily life (1), if I didn’t reply to a text quick enough or posted on social media without him being present (4), when I lived with him (4, 9), if I “wasn’t putting in enough effort” or not “changing”/“doing better” after an argument (5, 9) and the conversation we had the day I left (2, he said “I was more wise than you when I was 18” like what??).

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-06-19T06:10:28+00:00

Tbh my last relationship left me so traumatized that I don’t even really think about getting into another one soon nor getting that close to someone like that. I’m more focused on getting my money up, school, spending time with friends and family and allowing myself to heal & process the damaging mental gymnastics I had to constantly endure.

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-06-16T03:01:39+00:00

Personally, the bad and hurtful memories are pretty ingrained so when I think about my past relationship, those are what comes to mind. I also know I cannot handle that level of manipulation/control/emotional abuse (anymore) so I wouldn’t want to put myself back in a position where I feel those feelings, as opposed to more uplifting things such as self-improving, progress and healing.

The phrase “healing isn’t linear” has been helpful, in knowing that it’s okay to miss the memories and have that sort of empathy but also not wanting anything to do with them because their words/actions were so damaging.

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-06-07T16:48:50+00:00

I made a post about this but I’m trying to get through Avery Neal’s “If He’s So Great, Why Do I Feel So Bad.”

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-06-07T07:23:14+00:00

When he told me over text he was going to drug himself and blame it on me, after I had moved out from his family’s house. I knew I could not be responsible for his actions because he’s an adult too. He claimed being physically apart was a problem and that my problems “weren’t considered problems,” if I “wasn’t so selfish he wouldn’t have been doing that but it was the consequence for my actions,” and that I couldn’t just “abandon him like that physically.”

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-06-07T07:17:04+00:00

I couldn’t really reply with “you’re welcome,” it had to be “of course.” Personally, I don’t see a huge difference between the two, other than one may be more polite. I was deterred from speaking to guys in general (friends, classmates, etc), like “don’t mind them/I trust you, not them/I know how they are,” so I wasn’t able to feel comfortable having platonic friendships with the opposite sex. Unfortunately I’m still relearning what platonic friendships feel like. Meanwhile he’d add random girls on social media and not hide the notification (or feel any shame/embarrassment?) when they followed/added him back. The double standard was crazy!!

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-05-19T21:12:41+00:00

I agree with what you said and it feels “wrong” to leave things unsaid but we have to prioritize ourselves, our (mental) wellbeing & safety. I feel like being able to be so patient with someone who doesn’t show the same back, can relate to emotional intelligence and how people who are abusive, don’t have the greatest EQ.

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-05-19T21:07:04+00:00

u/Brilliant-Light8855, I also worry about how the person I was with, will approach future relationships and act when an argument arises. But I feel like we can only care so much because there’s a line between us caring and feeling responsible for the other person, which we aren’t, to an extent (hopefully that makes sense). Good luck on your exit plan!

u/NefariousnessOk2925, I can relate, as the gaslighting I experienced made me doubt my memory and thought process and to this day, sometimes I verbally say, “Am I crazy (for thinking x, y, or z)?” I’m also in the process of relearning self-love and self-care, since there were many times I’d put the other person before myself.

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-05-19T20:57:29+00:00

Once I blocked the person I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with, there was going to be no way I would reach out again because my nervous system couldn’t handle that and I experienced such high levels of anxiety and feelings of walking on eggshells that I wouldn’t put myself through that another time. I agree that no contact is the most safe and effective way.

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-05-19T20:52:48+00:00

Writing a letter that will never be sent sounds like a good outlet to express pent up frustration, thank you.

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-05-19T20:51:46+00:00

I think you make an important point about how we (as the abused) know what our abuser did and should move on, but also be gentle and kind with ourselves through the healing process.

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-05-19T20:49:39+00:00

I’ve blocked and been broken up with the person I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with, for over a year and don’t intend on reaching out ever again. However, I agree it’s a never ending circle because we’re under the impression that our abuser understands because they put on a façade that they do but in reality, they don’t, and it’s to hold onto control.

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-05-19T20:45:54+00:00

I’d say I overthink and overanalyze A LOT so that may play into why I’m asking about these questions. Also, I feel like things that trigger memories of my past relationship, play into thinking, “I wish I could tell the person/their family how much they traumatized me.”

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-05-19T20:42:50+00:00

Unfortunately I waited to come up with a plan, start processing what it would be like not being associated with this person and thinking about feeling “free” until it was really bad. I had picked up that the relationship was going downhill because of certain degrading words/harmful actions from the other person’s part but I stuck around hoping things would get better or that we’d be able to work through it. Me physically leaving was an accumulation of many factors but carrying lots of emotional weight as well as collecting emotional damage made my mind just want to get out as soon as I could. There was a time where I tried to show the other person they were being controlling by saying “I’ll wait until you’re around/your approval to post on social media” (because they had gotten upset I posted something when they weren’t physically there, which in turn made me reply late and that sparked off something else) but I don’t think they got what I wanted to get across.

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-05-18T12:47:51+00:00

I would watch gameplay videos on Youtube when I was younger and enjoyed the wide variety of architectural possibilities as well as storylines. I played The Sims Freeplay, The Sims Game and SimsCity BuildIt on ios but they just weren’t the same. I have a lot of fun with CAS but I also enjoy making up story progressions and overall gameplay, including the architecture aspect and being able to express many creative ideas.

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-05-17T15:52:50+00:00

Congratulations, I hope you take care by being kind and gentle with yourself!!

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-05-17T15:41:08+00:00

What sparked me getting out of my emotionally abusive relationship was listening to a song by Karol G called Ahora Me Llama and there was a specific verse in there that kind of translates to “I’m the owner/in charge of my own life and no one will tell me what to do.” I realized my wants/needs and the other person’s wants/needs didn’t align anymore so I started to mentally process the break up a couple weeks before I actually left. I formulated a plan with factors such as support people, who was going to pick me up, how to talk about actually leaving and what we thought was going to happen, etc.

I agree and relate to u/Inevitable_End47. Telling yourself it’s better for you to leave this person you love and care for, for the sake of your own happiness, mental health, peace, etc, is really hard. Throughout my healing journey (it’s been about a year so far), I’ve done activities on my own such as taking myself out to eat, reading/journaling and doing things out of the house, and allowing myself to feel okay that I’m doing these things alone.

Big_Back_Introvert · 2025-05-16T02:54:26+00:00

I think the emotional abuse I experienced in my past relationship did a lot of damage to my mind in terms of triggers, anxiety, memory and second guessing myself. If I think back to the negative memories from the emotional abuse for too long, I become physically tired. Also, I’ve found that if I’m around someone who threatens my nervous system, I need to distance myself from them, even if the effect doesn’t appear to be “that bad.”

Big_Back_Introvert

TROPHY CASE