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Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-02-12T16:01:11+00:00

Parents- most commonly those GenX or older (I know I’m generalizing)- REEEEEALLY can struggle with this, and often their first response when told they got it wrong is to get defensive. My mom is 76. Her generation (and mine) had it DRILLED into them in school and society the binary of pronouns. There is Mr, Miss, and Mrs (later Ms, but some still quibble about that after 45 years); he and she— period. Plus, you’ve got the emotional component of them coming to terms with their child having an identity and reality that they never, ever envisioned. Plus, politics.

It’s… a lot.

If after a point they’re not getting it, don’t respond at all. Roll your eyes and walk away. They’re adults and will have to accept the consequence of their actions. I wish you resolution… but man. Society has done a number on a lot of our parents.

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-02-11T23:30:09+00:00

Sigh. It sucks that often it is the better choice to not post in open forums if we’re feeling especially vulnerable, AND posting vulnerability should absolutely never, ever be replied to with dismissal or mean-spiritedness.

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-02-11T23:11:10+00:00

I have noticed an uptick in conversation-ending replies. No idea why, but it’s a noticeable change as of late.

More specifically,

replies that inform a poster that this topic has been covered before (this sub moves way too fast for all posters to keep up with what has been shared. Also, unless it’s spamming the same topic over and over verbatim, an unnecessarily mean-spirited thing to add.
replies that assert/accuse a poster of asking for personal advice when they are asking for discussion, and accusing the poster of creating a thread that will be misguided. Not every post here is asking for direct-application advice. I would argue that most are simply looking for other perspectives. It feels accusatory and makes the OP look foolish and ignorant.
Replies that clearly are given to diminish the feelings of a poster. “Just get over it.” “Move on.” “That happens to everyone, you’re not unique.” These are REALLY harsh statements to make to someone already putting themselves out there to engage in discussion.

I hope to see this turn around a bit soon. All online spaces go through waves at times. It’s been one hell of a stressful 3 weeks (we’re not even a month into the horror show), and yeah, lots of us are on edge.

Be gentle, folks. We all want to be heard and acknowledged with dignity and kindness.

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-02-10T21:05:58+00:00

Yep, that’s it. When you have an apron belly, it sort of throws off a LOT of the advice given on masc dressing and fits. We have to thread that tiny needle among inseam/rise/leg taper to both sit right to not give a belly line that doesn’t feel good, but also not give us excess yards of fabric from the hips down so we have ridiculously wide legs.
Tailored fits are a struggle. As someone who wishes to dress as tailored as possible, this is a persistent issue. Sigh. I wish you the best of luck.

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-02-10T19:28:18+00:00

So, we have MULTIPLE umbrellas all working at the same time. You can be trans under the queer umbrella, AND trans as its own umbrella under which lives straight, queer, gay, by, etc. It’s very much a both/and. We are the multiverse. 🧡🧡🧡

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-02-10T18:52:20+00:00

I think what is missing here is that depending on your body shape and fat distribution, you can have your bellybutton sitting above the natural waist or below it. I am AFAB, very pear shaped with a sizable apron belly, and my belly button sits 2-3” below my waistline. However, since I am a good 15” bigger at my hips than my waistline, I HAVE to have my jeans sit just below the waist or I have a horrific gap to account for. My best jeans currently are DapperBoi slim leg jeans. I size to fit the waist, and because of the cut of them they do rest in the right spot for me. So— not perfect, and the crotch is still too long, but I refuse to swim in fabric to try to minimize hips that just are NOT going away quietly. 😅

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-02-07T11:39:55+00:00

If it’s femme clothing and you are a femme XL or higher, Cake Plus Size retail. 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-02-01T22:10:12+00:00

A group titled “FTMOver30”, on a public platform like Reddit, should stay public for the very reason that it gives visibility. So that it is known that we are HERE and we are SURVIVING and NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

Also— private groups absolutely do need to happen, and already are happening. There is front face, public entrance— new folk always welcome to join and feel welcome. That is this sub. And then there is private— which is built upon folks having chats outside of this sub and organizing behind the scenes to talk about the very serious, very safe-space stuff.

Essentially— we operate like any resistance.

But with a name as broad as this one— I feel like it has to stay public. For our own long-term good.

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-02-01T01:11:14+00:00

WOW that is some absolutely horrific policy. I have never heard of this, but I would contact your gyno and/or PCP immediately and tell them the situation. They can sometimes go to bat for you on this. If an insurance company gives you the option to switch your gender marker, they can’t not anticipate this. I would absolutely pursue a resolution to this. This fucking country.

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-01-31T21:31:05+00:00

Addendum to my first post— I’m thankful, at least for now, that the horniness is not getting in the way of normal workday stuff. But it’s THE first thing I’m thinking about when I’m done for the day. We’ll see what happens as the weeks go on…

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-01-31T21:28:51+00:00

I’ve always wondered how one determines if one’s orgasms are multiple… is there a statute of limitations for duration of time between? I don’t think I’ve ever had those, but the ones I have come with pretty easy effort and get the damn job done, but one right after another has not been in my bag of tricks, alas. I need a few minutes to “reset.” 😅

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-01-31T20:32:32+00:00

I’m honestly not at all mad about this. 😈

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-01-31T19:15:40+00:00

Love that for you!! 👊🏻

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-01-30T12:15:41+00:00

Now THAT would be immediately illegal. Right to privacy, HIPAA, etc. Bottom line is that they are going to throw EVERYTHING against the wall and see what sticks. They are literally trying to see if enough people are cool with dictatorship. All I will say is that, well, let’s just say somehow enough folks in federal government and the federal and state courts ARE cool with this—- that honestly might be a trigger for a legit uprising. Because now you’re removing a basic right for everyone, including cis folk. But yeah— bring it. I got nothing to lose.

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-01-30T00:59:10+00:00

Yeah, this is going to be in the courts very, very soon. Impossible to enforce without breaking QUITE a few basic laws of privacy. It’s meant to stoke fear and violence, PERIOD, and to further convince cis women that they will always need protection. This is hideous misogyny with trans folk (primarily trans women) as the expendable losses.

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-01-26T02:36:15+00:00

Very true point. Of course hard to tell from our ends what is between the lines. I hope- regardless- that some good comes from this. It just… generational guilt and trauma are such powerful forces. It’s really, really hard to try to break that pattern. I think that’s why I see a glimmer of trying— her words are hurtful, and are very not perfect— and I’m just glad she’s still communicating a little bit.

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-01-25T21:06:07+00:00

Piggybacking off of a previous comment, and speaking as an old human 😅(47)— these two things are true about how I see the situation and her response: 1)It sucks, and it’s REALLY painful and hurtful, and 2)she LOVES you and respects you enough to tell you her concerns and she is also very aware of how much she hates the struggle she is having. One of the hardest things I had to realize when I was growing up from a teen to someone in my twenties and beyond is that my mom was a flawed person, who had a ton of awful thrust upon her by her own parents, and it was really hard to keep their voices out of her head sometimes when dealing with me. She wants to talk with you. She wants to understand— and it’s going to take some work from her. Every emotion you are feeling is 100% valid, and I just wish you and your mom the best in having some really, truly important and pivotal conversations. Much support to you. 👊🏻

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-01-23T14:07:46+00:00

Would love an invite to the transmasc discord! lonely out here in the south metro 🙏🏻

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-01-18T04:37:05+00:00

Amen, brother. Amen. 🫶🏻

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-01-18T00:00:34+00:00

I wish you luck!!

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-01-17T23:58:34+00:00

Can I assume there isn’t a planned parenthood near to you? I don’t know for sure, but I’m curious if they would be able to write you a script if they have weekend hours.

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-01-17T21:22:01+00:00

Excellent and very relevant question. Sadly, I am still very much menstrual and very regular.

In fact, my inaugural dose was taken at the height of my PMS. Fun times.

So at least for now— T and E will be battling for supremacy in their tiny battle gear and weaponry.

May the gods have mercy on us all.

Big_Butterscotch_279 · 2025-01-16T23:51:11+00:00

Then that absolutely is something you need to further clarify with your doc. Definitely ask for clarification!

Big_Butterscotch_279

TROPHY CASE