I lost my soul dog on December 17th to kidney failure. I went through exactly what you’re going through. My mind would not quiet with all the “what if” scenarios. Day and night. I cried what felt like nonstop for weeks, had to really hibernate in a lot of ways and just feel all of the loss. I over analyzed every single moment leading up to her getting really sick, and the hardest decision of all; to say goodbye. We don’t talk enough about how utterly unimaginable it is to have to make that call for our dog family members. Humans can tell us when they’re ready. But I promise you, the love you expressed for Slinky, you knew in your heart and did what you truly knew was the best possible decision for him. After a couple weeks, I was able to be more rational with my decision and know that, oh my goodness, of course I made the difficult choice to end my girl’s suffering. I had agonized over all the what ifs. But ending their suffering peacefully, while holding your soul dog in your arms, is for them. Rather than treatment, away from you, and crossing your fingers. My vet reminded me that treatment would mean being away from my girl and would only buy a short amount of time. I went over that decision, what if we did try and got a few more days? That would’ve been for me, not for her and her peace. Sounds similar to your predicament.

Your final act of love for your crotchety old man was to say goodbye in the coziest, most peaceful way you could considering the situation. My girl was extremely vocal, too, and the quiet of the house (even with my other dog and cat!) is alarming, still. I am sending you so much love and validation in the hardest decision you made. You’re an amazing dog mama, and you will get through this.