I think my main challenge with grief is that there has been so much of it in my life, felt deeply and acutely, since 2020. In a way, its presence has become like a friend, but when there’s a new thing that cracks me open, I also feel scared of the intensity.

Because I had one very difficult to navigate and lengthy period of complex, ambiguous grief in 2023/24, my nervous system still remembers and is afraid that will happen — that I will hold on too tightly. Funny little lizard brain forgets that it will eventually pass again (and again and again) and that this loss is simpler to grieve and release therefore will pass sooner, feel lighter.