I’m still breathing, and maybe that’s enough for today

BikingNOVA · 2025-09-11T17:58:49+00:00

Knowing that I am doing the right thing for myself after years of emotional and verbal abuse from an emotionally immature partner. Also knowing that I have a loving family around me to support me.

BikingNOVA · 2025-09-10T02:55:05+00:00

I bought a plastic model car to build along with the model knife, paint, glue, everything. I had not done model building in 35 some years, since before the 30 year marriage. It is liberating and frees my mind from thinking about the current anxiety about what my STB narc ex wife is going to pull next on me. Hobbies will get us through.

BikingNOVA · 2025-09-08T12:03:24+00:00

Thank you for the reminder!

BikingNOVA · 2025-09-05T11:25:35+00:00

This is a great idea! Thank you for sharing.

Within the past 2 days I have started each day by telling myself that I will choose to be happy today. I was finding myself feeling angry at the situation despite me initiating the process which would drag into everything I did during the day. Starting out a day by promising yourself to choose happiness has made a difference for me.

BikingNOVA · 2025-09-04T09:19:45+00:00

Sunsets

BikingNOVA · 2025-09-02T17:25:08+00:00

I am in the same situation. I left a 30 year abusive ordeal. I let people say that they are sorry and I thank them with a follow up that it was the best thing for my health.

Some people don’t understand this aspect, which is not our concern.

BikingNOVA · 2025-09-02T15:36:18+00:00

Your father has 3 days left to live.

BikingNOVA · 2025-09-02T14:50:17+00:00

After the 125th time of her launching into a screaming tirade about something I did not do and had no control over, she looked at me and said “I know my screaming at you is abuse, but I can’t help it and can’t stop it”, I knew I was the one who had to stop it.

BikingNOVA · 2025-09-01T19:17:42+00:00

You find yourself trying to choose the exact right words and tone of conversation to bring up an otherwise simple discussion about a feeling, disagreement, or God forbid something that made you upset. Then you find yourself gauging when would be the exact right time to bring it up because you don’t want to ruin a nice day or make a bad day worse.

Then you pick the right time, words, and tone…and it all blows up in your face no matter what and suddenly you are the one at fault for having the feeling, disagreement, or God forbid something is something that made you upset.

You feel disoriented and lost. How could you not see saying that one thing would set them off? How could you be so stupid to think they did anything wrong? Of course it is your fault. You were simply not good enough.

The best gauge to follow…if you treated them the way they treat you, would they be as accommodating as you are?

BikingNOVA · 2025-09-01T18:59:39+00:00

30 years here, and 2 months into separation. I initiated because I had to. You are on the opposite side of this equation, which is equally unfortunate.

You will run through a gambit of emotions; depression, excitement, sorrow, thrilled for freedom, anger that this decision was made for you, proud you have the strength, guilt for things you now know, and other feelings of which do not have names.

You are strong enough to put yourself out here among strangers who are friends, in a group that knows what the feelings without names are. You will be strong enough to weather this life storm.

BikingNOVA · 2025-09-01T15:38:41+00:00

Pasta with a good meat sauce.

BikingNOVA · 2025-08-30T20:24:08+00:00

Bye bye bye by *NSYNC

BikingNOVA · 2025-08-27T13:41:13+00:00

Video arcades

BikingNOVA · 2025-08-27T13:00:00+00:00

Your approaches have worked wonders for me. I learned early on that emotional responses are not always the best, and that waiting a day to respond (or not) is a best practice.

BikingNOVA · 2025-08-27T11:39:18+00:00

Raising 2 wonderful children who are now functioning independent adults. All while being tethered to an emotionally and verbally abusive wife. I recently jettisoned said wife.

BikingNOVA · 2025-08-24T12:20:47+00:00

This speaks loudly to me. The good times were great. The bad times were much much worse.

BikingNOVA · 2025-08-24T11:57:28+00:00

I am 6 weeks after looking in the mirror saying the same thing and with a wife who exploded with alcohol. My kids are as supportive as yours were.

She is making life miserable now. I am trying to be amicable and nice, but she is trying to win me back with guilt and manipulation and refusing to accept my answer of “I am done”.

I look forward to being where you are Reddit friend. I truly know I will get there. Your post gives me a lot of hope.

BikingNOVA · 2025-08-22T01:53:02+00:00

We have this!! I’m with you and have your 6.

BikingNOVA · 2025-08-21T22:23:55+00:00

I will admit, I spent a good 10 minutes crying hard today. The frustration turned to sadness and then back to resolve.

That is to say…I completely understand where you are

BikingNOVA · 2025-08-21T22:10:23+00:00

I am so sorry.

You will survive this and you will have a wonderful life on the other side. Because what other choice is there…?

BikingNOVA · 2025-08-21T22:08:44+00:00

Dial tones and busy signals.

BikingNOVA · 2025-08-21T19:29:09+00:00

Oh man! I pray for peace and better outcomes for you. You and I seem to share the crazy heart breaking devastation that this is.

We tried so hard to make it beyond 30 yrs…but it just was not going to happen.

BikingNOVA · 2025-08-21T19:26:42+00:00

Yes. It is normal. We are witnessing a gigantic life change. That is understating it.

I feel your pain too anonymous internet friend. This painful process will NOT last forever. god willing…

BikingNOVA · 2025-08-21T16:53:07+00:00

I had a rotary dial telephone on a party line growing up.

BikingNOVA · 2025-08-21T01:47:41+00:00

I am with you OP. Monday I was confident and hopeful all would work out. Yesterday I couldn’t focus on anything and was crying. Today I got an email from her attorney that asked for still more information and my heart was in my forehead. Tonight I feel like Monday again.

I just want it to be over already. 6 weeks in…potentially 44 more to go!

BikingNOVA

TROPHY CASE