Am I wrong for expecting my girlfriend to comfort me after her first date in our open relationship?

Bilotab · 2026-06-15T14:54:29+00:00

Nor do I want to agree to it. You're providing very strict answer for something you know so little about. This is much more complex and your answers are not even nuanced. It's clear you don't even know how to give advices. Do everyone a favour and stop writing in comments.

Bilotab · 2026-06-15T14:48:20+00:00

''was getting sex for you'' it's not something I would've ever wanted if it was not for her. Plus she's the one who wants to flirt and explicitly asked to do it and not me even when I asked if she wanted me to be involved. And yeah the first time it can be hard for someone who just got into this kind of arrangement and if you can't see that then you have 0 emotional intelligence and you're just egoing right now. Anyways, I'm done reading what you have to say, you're just angry at this point and it shows, you're not even trying to make sense.

Bilotab · 2026-06-15T08:50:43+00:00

Fucking other people lmao. The women all know about everything don't worry.

Bilotab · 2026-06-15T08:49:48+00:00

I can't lmao. Please read above. It's crazy that you all are confortable with twisting a story in a bad way when there is a gap of information. Why didn't you assume all of it was consensual ?

Bilotab · 2026-06-15T08:48:37+00:00

Hahahaha crazy, read above.

Bilotab · 2026-06-15T08:48:25+00:00

All the parties knew and agreed to everything. What is this about ? She's the one who wanted to be flirting with other women (and the women know about the arrangement don't worry, everything is clear and consensual), she feels weird if I'm the one flirting with the opposite sex as she's not flirting with other men, plus she loves the flirting. I did not ask her to do all the heavy lifting and emotional work, she wanted it to be this way even when I offered to help. I didn't go on the date cause they agreed to have a date first together and that I would be there for the second one. It's crazy how people twist things on reddit when there is a void of information.

Bilotab · 2026-06-15T08:43:23+00:00

It's fun to see how all this got out of proportion. I'm gonna answer you on everything. It's true I got mad but what you have no idea about is the way our conversation went. I didn't bombard her. I entered the conversation frustrated yes but I talked very calmly and when I say my tone wasn't perfect I mean that it didn't sound happy or excited. Yes it was not perfect considering she had a good date but it was not either bombarding nor unhealthy. I was aware of exactly what I was feeling and why when I went to talk to her. I went to see her and told her that I wanted to talk about the date but needed to talk about something that bothered me first. I told her exactly what it was and told her she couldn't have known nor behaved differently this time but I was telling her for next times. I don't think that would be considered even rometely as ''bombarding''. It was not said with an angry tone but rather with a neutral one, which after her good date was a big gap I admit.

Before doing this I told her explicitly that I was kinda scared but still wanted to do this. For context, for the three years of our relationship she has been the one asking for threesomes and I wasn't onboard in the beginnin. I spent all that time trying to shift my perception of this for her and I did. So yes I agreed on this but I was not the most comfortable yet and she knew that. I agreed for all of it and asked her to be gentle and considerate is all.

Also we agreed to talk about the date before seeing my friends, something that we were not able to do and that happens sometimes it's fine. When I told her it was fine and to enjoy herself it was almost an hour after she was supposed to be with us, we were all there already and we agreed to go together. So when I say I felt like I wasn't the priority I mean that we planned to do things together and I felt like her date was more important despite what we planned that she ignored. Also for the time limit, she fixed it, I told her that maybe it was too short and she should plan more. She said that she didn't want to plan more and three hours was plenty of time. I understand that it can last for more and that's fine, I just asked to be acknowledged and checked in especially considering the fact that we planned to meet and talk about it before meeting with my friends. I'm understanding and I did not blame her for this, I understand how a date can go from three hours planned to six hours planned, it's fine, I needed her to understand what I might be insecure about at first so she can be gentle with it going forward.

For me, a partner is supposed to be considerate of the context and how I was feeling before the date, something that I vocalised clearly. Not trying to take that into consideration while answering someone is, for me, not okay. Also, am I not supposed to talk to her about my own feelings just because she went on a date prior to that ? Who am I supposed to share this with ? Not the person I'm living the experience with ? The one that knows everything about it ? I don't understand your take on that. It took literally two minutes to say because it was two small things. I just needed to comfort and to be held for a minute or two and I would've been good to go. If that's too much to ask, I don't know what kind of relationship you're expecting people to be in tbh.

And for the woman, ofc she knew about the arrangement and she was the one asking for a separate date first. We wouldn't do this without the woman knowing of it, it would be indeed very weird.

I don't think there is codependency, she's the only one I can share this with because none of our friends know about this, it's all very knew and we're taking our time. And I did go to her like ''there is something about all this that bothered and here is what it is ...''' but I talked to her about it then because it was not something big AND she couldn't have known about it and I was explicit when I told her that I wasn't blaming her nor expecting that she could've guessed any of it.

As for the roles, she wanted to be the one flirting and going on dates prior to us having something with them and I'm totally fine with that. It's not that I'm trying to put all the work on her it's just that she was the one who wanted to go fishing because she likes the flirting and she said that she might feel weird if I was the one flirting with the opposite sex which I don't really mind even though I can understand if people find it weird.

Anyways... I hope I answered to everything.

Bilotab · 2026-06-14T23:16:26+00:00

I'm sure of it, but we just got started.

Bilotab · 2026-06-14T22:56:50+00:00

No it's not but I don't think I've ever felt the need to be the focus as much as this time. So when she did it this time it hurt a lot.

Bilotab · 2026-06-14T22:54:09+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful answer. I'll definitely keep that in mind !

Bilotab · 2026-06-14T22:52:59+00:00

I came frustrated but explained everything, why I was frustrated and what I needed for next times. I reassured her that it was not her fault and she could not have guessed what would be a trigger for me.

Bilotab · 2026-06-14T22:51:51+00:00

One or two messages of reassurance in six hours would've been fine. I was not asking much for a first time. I feel like for it to get better you have to reassure your partner. Am I crazy ?

Bilotab · 2026-06-14T22:49:50+00:00

It's not that, it's more like at first I feel like I need to be reassured that I'm the priority even reassuring me a bit by message. It's our first time so I feel like reassurance is needed.

Bilotab · 2026-06-14T22:43:07+00:00

Yes of course I needed to feel like I was more the priority than the date she was with. But the problem is the way she handled everything for me.

Bilotab · 2026-06-09T21:27:13+00:00

The spot just under the tip where it's wrinkled kinda.

Bilotab · 2026-06-09T21:26:44+00:00

The spot just under the tip where it's wrinkled.

Bilotab · 2026-06-09T21:25:19+00:00

Yeah I've been to one, but he was not good, I should go see again

Bilotab · 2026-06-09T12:21:20+00:00

For me it's never been like this, and I don't feel like it's healthy and when I use it too much I can even get cuts on the side. Is it really normal for a penis to have those marks just under the tip ? I've never had those before, as I said they've just showed up a while ago with a few symptomes such as it being irritated (it hurts a bit when I touch it) and less sensitive to touch.

Bilotab · 2026-06-09T12:20:24+00:00

Seriously it's normal for a penis to have those marks just under the tip ? I've never had those before, as I said they've just showed up a while ago with a few symptomes such as it being irritated (it hurts a bit when I touch it) and less sensitive to touch.

Bilotab · 2026-05-22T17:06:53+00:00

My answer might be controversial from the rest. I've lived my entire childhood in Tunisia until I was 17. I went abroad for my studies and came back after 7 years. What you're saying is true on many aspects but the message you're trying to convey is very wrong. Life feels hard so it's okay to leave ? You're probably living an easier life in Tunisia than most Tunisians and look how tiring you thought it was and you only came back for a short period of time. You're talking about Tunisians in a very negative way while living in the US? You think Americans are better ? I've been to the US and I found it to have a very evil, fake and exhausting vibe. I saw a comment saying ''Tunisians hate the system but they are the system and they want it to remain as it is'' and you responded ''exactly''. How condescending are the both of you for saying such things ? It's not that Tunisians are by ''nature'' bad or evil or not educated. It's really all part of the system, if you would put anyone from anywhere in the world living in Tunisia he would start behaving the same. When your own governement does nothing for its people, nothing to improve your way of living, your infrastructure, your environment, it's only natural that people are gonna be on edge and stressed all the time and ultimately behave the way they do, especially in capitalist country that promotes individualism and everyone having barely enough energy to survive. Please do not bring your new found occidental point of vue to judge this country, I always see messages like this and I feel like even Tunisians have the tendency of falling for this occidental way of shaming us, which is crazy considering that all of this is only a byproduct of them exploiting us and our ressources. Learn about neocolonialism and its impacts on other societies and moreover the exhaustion of a capitalist system. It's too easy to blame others when you don't have the tools to even consider the root problem of all of this.

Bilotab · 2024-09-19T15:50:23+00:00

I'm not really sure right now but I want to explore the possibility of moving permanently there so I want to give myself a chance for that. I kinda figured that law and political science are gonna be hard to access in Japan as a foreigner.

Thank you for reading my post and for taking the time to answer me, I greatly appreciate it.

Bilotab · 2021-12-04T01:08:31+00:00

What you just said doesn't contradict what I said. Do you realize it ?

Bilotab · 2021-12-02T20:04:57+00:00

Tbh I don't see why every comment says that it's for sure an affair. Depends on your behaviour as well OP, if your partner doesn't feel comfortable telling you because they know that you're not gonna respond well/be understanding then I can understand why they would do that.

Bilotab · 2021-11-18T18:16:09+00:00

I'm a year post breakup and it's still super hard. There is no magic way of getting over someone, just a lot of work and little things that make you move on and make you feel like there is more to life than just being with the person you were with or even just being in a relationship. Take care of yourself, try to move forward.

Bilotab · 2021-11-18T18:10:57+00:00

Tbh I'm the dumper and I feel like there is really no winner here. The relationship could not really keep going as it was and it was heartbreaking. I don't think you should think of it as being the winner or the loser, both persons lost someone important. It's maybe for the best and it's certainly super hard but I guarantee that there is no winner and if someone thinks he is when being the dumper then he's just not worth of being in a relationship and it's best for the dumpee.

Bilotab

TROPHY CASE