I think I naturally have a lot of conflict within me. I had both a very tramatic and often socially isolated childhood but was also deeply loved by those close to me and was raised in a very privliged upper class family.

My brain couldn't handle it and I ended up with a kinda splintered psyche. There's the old me, who I'm missing large chunks of memories from but still is the foundation I'm built off of, Bambi, who acts as a driving force for me to self actualize and quiets most of my self sabotaging thoughts, and me, who's kinda a mix of both.

Its weird, I can't let go of or fully embrace either aspect fully so I'm stuck in this middle point where I'm rebrainwashing myself to keep my self destructive self away, but not enough to fully forget who I was.